First Date

I couldn't stop the tears flowing from my eyes. I stood up from my couch and made my way to the bathroom. I turned on the light and grabbed a towel, looked into the mirror above my sink. I stared at my red, swollen eyes. Disgusted by the state of mind. I like to feel uplifted and at ease. At this moment, I decided to go for a run and let the fresh air touch my skin and see if it would help cheer me up. I grabbed my AirPods, rested on the entrance table, and set my alarm on before making my way out of my apartment. I walked to the parking lot, to my red honda civic. As I put my keys to the ignition, a song from yesterday's playlist blast through the speaker. I was no longer in one of those hip-hop moods. My anxiety was flowing through my body as if it was going to kill me. I wanted to get rid of the tension within, so I changed the song to meditation sounds. I took off, and around thirty minutes, I pulled up to the track spot nearby. I parked my car and locked my door.

I made my way to the benches and put my belongings down. I took a deep breath and walked to the vending machine near the benches. I brought a water bottle and took a sip. I went back to the benches and rested the water bottle down. I began running. Listening to the meditation sounds with my AirPods. I ran three laps and started panting. I made my way back to the benches for another sip of water. Then my phone started ringing. I checked the caller I.D, and my best friend's name appeared on the screen. She was calling me to see if I got the job. I told her no, and I began crying again. I felt silly because crying wasn't going to solve my problems. She told me it was okay for me to cry because I've been stressed out for a while now. She was right, but I still felt uneasy. All I have was dreams, and it was like I never could bring them to life. Felt like I was an issue. Not just cause I didn't get the job, but because the job reminded me how behind I am with a lot of things. I felt like I wasn't applying myself to anything. As if I was living in a fairytale. My best friend told me to stop looking at the glass half empty and make my way to her house; she had news for me. I did just that and was at her door less than forty-five minutes.

I knocked, and the door swung open, and I saw my best friend Taylor greeting me with her pearly white teeth showing. Her positive gleeful energy is what I needed to be able to see the glass half full. She grabbed me by my arm and dragged me to her couch. I was always amazed by her. She was smart, pretty, rich, caring, and a strong person. She has been through a lot and understands hardships but never turned out bitter from it. She was a bubbly person. Her energy matched my eccentric ways. I always felt guilty for our friendship. Since I tended to be so sad all the time. She always made me feel better by welcoming me into her luxury lifestyle and not making me feel less of myself. She always made me feel like an equal. She made me believe we balanced each other on the friendship scale. I finished my water bottle, looked at her, and asked her, 'What news did you have for me?" She said there's a guy she met at one of her gatherings for work. Her boss's best friend. He seemed weird but had a nice energy to him. I don't mean to offend you, but he seems like your type. You always go for out-of-the-box things. I was interested in the description she was giving me, but I had given up on relationships. I always felt like I was the bad guy in every relationship I have ever been in, and it was just a phase. Never felt truly happy. Fifty percent because of my ability to not find what my heart truly desired. The other fifty percent was because I was a fan of people and had love for them but never truly was in love. I had childhood trauma so bad I didn't know if I could love properly. I told myself I would wait until I could be in a better headspace. At this moment, I didn't get the job I wanted, but I did have other sources of income, so I wasn't broke. I was living pretty well. I just always had excuses when it came to love. I decided to ignore these excuses and try meeting this guy. I asked her to set up a date for us. She eagerly did just that for the following Friday. We talked for a while and watched two movies before I started to feel tired.

I made my way back and home and took an ice-cold shower. I needed to be up for a little while to write in my journal. It helped me productively channel all negative things. I cared a lot about things I had no control of and had too many high expectations for people. I was also diagnosed with Bipolar 2 disorder and had trouble focusing on things and dealing with irritability. Sometimes I would lose it in unhealthy ways. It scared even myself. The journal reminded me I wasn't the bad guy; I was just misunderstood and needed to practice healthy coping skills and delete bad memories and unhealthy habits. After getting all the overthinking out of my head, I went downstairs and poured ice cold water to put on my nightstand for the morning. I set my alarm and put on whale sounds and my eye patch for bed.

Friday came along, and I cleaned up my house. I called out of work tonight and did some of my college work. I wrote a little in my journal and went to my closet to put on sweats and a tank top. I went to my car to run some errands. I got back home and made lunch. I watched a couple of shows and decided to paint a little. After painting, I went to take a shower and put on a sexy crop satin blouse with skinny black jeans and steve maddens silver heels. I sprayed Gia Armani perfume and added a few accessories to my outfit. I grabbed a red purse to match my blouse and went to my car. I drove to the restaurant Taylor told me to go to last night.

I met the hostess and told her the name of the guy I was seeing. She brought me to the back to the v.i.p section. I saw a nice-looking guy with a black long sleeve shirt and gold chain drinking, which seemed to be merlot facing the opposite direction of me. I rested my hand on his shoulder to catch his attention and introduced myself. He rested the wine and dabbed the side of his mouth with a napkin and stood up and said hello to me. He pulled my seat out for me to sit down. I thought the gesture was sweet. He started telling me how he heard great things about me from my friend, and I don't know why but I felt at ease with him. He had so many stories to tell me. He made me laugh all night. We hit it off well. He decided to cut the date off early and asked me to go for a walk with him. I did just that, and by the end of our night, we exchanged numbers. I did my usual night routine once I made it back home, crossed my fingers, and hoped that I could have more Fridays with that man.