I have always been an extremely introverted person. I could not meet anyone new unless it was through someone that I had an already established relationship with. I was sure of myself and willing to meet people, but I could never take that first step towards the relationship, even if just for friendship. I am the type that would prefer to write out everything that is wrong and leave it for someone else to find rather than just talk it out. Why, you might ask? Because I am afraid of hurting their feelings or upsetting them in any way. So how does someone who can't approach someone else in a bar go about finding love? Online dating.
I took the first step after my divorce, I wanted to try and find love. My ex husband had already moved on (a couple of times). I should be able to move on as well. The first site I tried was Zoosk, and you know what I found? Guys who were more interested in getting in a woman's pants than actually establishing a relationship. There were a few good guys on there, but then they would turn out to still be in love with their ex and would go back to them—until I met Mike. He was a good guy, or so I thought, and asked me to marry him as well. I would spend every free moment I had with him, cook for him, do laundry for him, do everything. But when it came time for me to be able to do something for me, there really wasn't time. I got pregnant. I was happy. He and I were going to be together and be happy, or so I thought. Turns out he cheated on me. The stress caused me to miscarry and now I have to live with that memory. April is not a good month for me. I wanted to die, but I got the help I needed.
I tried all the sites—eHarmony, Match, Zoosk, and then I found Plenty of Fish. I met many people on there who seemed to be interested, until they weren't. I met one guy who was ten years younger than me, told me that he was going to marry me and that I would be a stay-at-home wife and mom. I laughed because I've been working almost as long as he had been alive and couldn't see myself sitting around the house all day. Needless to say, that relationship died. Then I met Joey; still a younger guy, and I'm not going to lie, that really feeds a girl's ego, but he wasn't great at communication. We would go days, weeks, months without any communication. He would finally respond to something with an excuse. He was cute and I remember falling asleep on his chest and how I had the best sleep in the world when I was with him, so why not try it again? Why not let him in again? So I did. I told him I wanted him to move in with me, and things got weird. We would constantly fight, words would get twisted, even though they were written out because they were always communicated by text messaging. One day, things came to a screeching halt. He said he was having a bad day, wouldn't talk about it, saying that his problems are his own to deal with. We argued for a couple of hours and then finally, the decision was made to just end it, and he changed his mind. So now we are together again, to what point I'm not sure, but I do know that if it comes to finding anyone again, it's not going to happen. I'm too old to find anyone—too damaged, and I work waaaayyyyy too much.