Finding Love After Being Hurt

Do you know what hurt’s the Most ? Finding out the one who you gave your all, your heart, your trust, your soul, your compassion, your comfort, Basically your everything and they turn around and do the unthinkable and hurt you like you never existed like you was nothing/you meant nothing to them. Every night when my mind starts to wonder I always ask myself where did I go wrong ? Why me? Did I put it enough effort? Why do I have a good heart ? Did I love him more than me ? Why am I so forgiving? Why can’t I forget the hurt ? I ask myself this every night and I still can’t figure out why, where and how did I go wrong.

All I ever wanted in life was to be successful married with kids and have a great career, like who wouldn’t want that? Now don’t get me wrong every relationship is not perfect, every relationship has there up’s and down’s but how do you fix that ? My relationship had more down’s than up and I felt my depression and anxiety coming coming back , it felt like I was too busy and to focused on him that I let myself drown trying to make him happy trying to please him trying to put a smile on his damn face everyday!!!! I always cooked for him did laundry cleaned watch the kids made sure his food was hot when got home I made sure his work clothes was ready for the next day I made sure he had transportation I always gave him my last when I really needed it, some would say I’m a Damn fool for giving him my last when I really needed it but I thought that’s what you supposed to do when your helping out your partner.

The day I found out he cheated was the day I found out I was pregnant. I wanted to cry so bad but I just held it in to avoid the arguments, he lied about but I seen everything he tried to delete it but I had already seen it I was so disgusted so sick to my stomach literally almost blacking out I had to come to senses and ask myself why? Why would he cheat on me what did I ever do to him for him to cheat on me ?

I finally put my concerns aside and asked are you cheating on me? Do you know what this bastard did ?? He looked me in my eyes and said no, all my racing mind could say you lying ass piece of shit how could u look me in my eyes and lie I seen the videos I seen the messages. I just walked away and waited for the next day to leave I blocked him on everything and took the kids and left . I just couldn’t take it no more, like how could you!? He tried contacting but it wasn’t nothing for me to say to him but he was able to talk to his kids just not to me.

During my 8th month of pregnancy he finally decided to find me and claimed he was a changed person he cried about how he missed me and the kids , how he missed what we had , how he haven’t been the same since I left. But deep down in my heart I felt he was telling the truth so yeah I went back , and he was just showing me what I was showing him from the jump but it like now I don’t feel the same anymore. Was he too late ?