Fields of Ambrosia

Quick strokes done with Crayola and a feeling of pride was seen in multiple drawings she had done.The lines were scribbled and a mess. Even when erased, traces of where the drawing was before could be seen. Showing them off was the next step as elementary classmates encouraged her to draw more just as her family did.

The greatness of childhood is the energy felt in each little one's heart. A passion that was ongoing through playtime and education. It was all fun throughout the years. The need to spend all that energy outside after lunch, only for it to come back after everyone returned inside.

Artist grow up with scattered papers with doodles and their homeworks marked with some too. They weren't the ones who played soccer with the other energized kids. They didn't play tag. The only sport they had to play was the race against time itself.

Sticks in the dirt as the hand wobbled to draw out the lines of an animal she wanted to draw after she was encouraged to show those around her what she can do. Hands soon made a noise of impressiveness as they all cheered, "Wow! You're fantastic!"

"Thank you." she shyly muttered to her audience of children her age before stuffing her hands back into her pockets, rolled up in a fist as sweat was captured in them.

All she looked forward to was to go home. Not that she was bullied.

It was to go home and talk to a dear friend she made on a game that closed. Her best friend in the entire world.

Anne was new to this small school. Her parents moved in with her father's parents after all they had left was nothing but a fancy glass table that wasn't even theirs. It was her first but also her last year here in this elementary school.

Hearing the whistle to bring all the kids inside, Anne was the last to get to the group. It was only a couple of more hours until they were released to go home.

Part of her desire to come home erupted from the system they had to follow which had often discouraged kids of young ages from their wild, vivid imaginations. The ones that were respected weren't the artist, they weren't important to the school as much as kids who were musically inclined. They were the ones taken out of class to practice. It took out all the kids who she could possibly relate to and left her alone.

Artist weren't important.

"Anne. Put that pencil down right now." The teacher insisted with a sense of superiority in her voice. "Gosh, why can't you be smart like your brother was? He was a fantastic student when I had him four years ago. You need to study and stop drawing. Artist don't go anywhere in life."

The words shot her in the heart as she took each one in. Swallowing air, she muttered, "I'm sorry." Her eyes focused down at her drawing she did of her own characters that played in her head. The tip of her pencil broke as she put it on the side and with pressure, let it break.

The teacher shook her head and said, "Do your class work right now."

All her work was handed in and they were graded with decent grades that her parents were fine with. She didn't have the perfect grades but she was at least not failing by too much.

***

Finally, she had arrived home. To where she felt at peace and where her imagination can play. She had always locked herself up in her room and drew on her computer with a mouse. The lines were shaky but she was nonetheless proud of herself. She dreamed of being an animator and to bring her stories to life. Disney animations were a big inspiration to her world that lived inside her head. Each story she had immature, it wasn't worth making with how little of it was planned through but that didn't mean she was going to stop them. Anne didn't even realize how undeveloped her stories were.

When she received a message, her day just seemed to brighten up like the sun would after hours of rain.

The two would chat away, throughout the rest of the evening and to night when the clock's hand met the top.

***

Candance was a brilliant girl. She seemed to have been older but resided in a young body. She brought beauty to the world with her voice. With her lust to learn different languages, she taught herself through the melody her voice can bring. It took time and practice, having to learn how to pronounce each word. Her favorite were Asian songs, especially those she heard in Japanese shows.

People believed she would go far in life. Her singing brought happiness to people and their beliefs were that she would become known to the world for it.

It flowed elegantly as her mouth moved, not seeming to need to stop for a breath as the melody ran in the air. People in the barely lit room had their eyes on the stage as waiters brought out plates of food to serve at the table. She was requested to sing at the cafe after hearing her songs. No doubt everyone would love it, and they did. When her voice fell quiet and a smile came to her face while brown eyes scanned over her audience full of people twice, maybe triple her age. Some even had wrinkles showing them to be much older. There were a few kids that ranged around her age.

The crowd was wild with claps that appreciated the music they were presented with.

"Thank you." she said with a small proud laugh at the end. She was gonna tell Anne all about this.

A hand went back and put some of her brown hair behind her ear as she began to walk off stage.

"I'm so proud of you Cadance, you did wonderful out there!" her mother praised her.

Her expectations were high for a girl her age but society always was that way. The overbearing stress made her unable to do little things she enjoyed like writing and drawing. She left those hobbies behind but she never could singing. It was only because people expected it out of her. How could she give up singing without the world being disappointed in her? How could she without frowns looking down upon her that will frighten her back into it. She felt like a mouse.

After the many praises and the delicious dinner, Cadance and her mother had left.

"Cadance, don't forget you will be going to your father's this weekend." her mother told her as her hands held the wheel inside the car, moving it in the directions of the road.

"Do I really have to go?" she asked, knowing how it will be at her father's house.

"You remember how heart broken your father was last time." Her mother said.

"I just don't like staying there.. I love dad, its just the place and the things we do." She said.

"Just deal with it, okay?" her mother told her as they pulled up into the driveway.

***

It was the beginning of a new year. A new start in a bigger school with bigger expectations. The distance still was there but the two were strong. Their lines tightly knotted together like a well tied shoe that is hard to take off without untying it.

"first day of middle school." Anne typed in the instant messenger the two girls talked in

"I'm kinda nervous." Cadance replied to her.

"Me too. It's gonna be really lonely for me." she said.

"You'll make friends. But don't worry, you still have me." Cadance swore to Anne.

"I love you. I have to go. I'll tell you how it all goes when I come home." Anne typed into the keyboard. The first three words only meant one thing- a promise of a long lasting friendship.

"I love you too." Cadance replied the promising words.

***

Anne was walking through the halls that felt like a maze. She went up the stairs and stopped in the hoard of students. Her heart dropped as she was unsure of where to go. It was all so scary. She gripped tight onto the pencil she held in her pocket like it was her life. The words of her former teacher echoed in her head.

"Stop it. Stop doodling so much. You know what? In middle school and high school, they will rip up anything you doodle on and you will fail that class!" the words killed her when she heard them last year. She didn't want to be here.

It was a stress reliever for her but over the summer, her notebooks were full of little to none drawings. Former notebooks were filled within days.

Dropping the pencil on the ground, she walked down the hall and searched for her first class she would attend.

***

Anne sat down beside a female she never met before. The female had thick curly hair and her eyes showed the sea in them with their brilliant color. Behind all her hair was a pair of earrings the shape of a small dancing figure.

"Well. I suppose since our teacher wishes for us to get to know each other, I'm Makenna." the girl said in a bored tone. "I like acting and dancing."

Anne smiled a bit at the girl. Maybe for once she will have an actual friend. "Anne. I like to dra- I mean, I guess I like to watch TV."

"That's... Pretty boring. You don't do anything for fun? There has to be something." she insisted.

"No.." she said as she looked down in shame of her answer.

"Oh my. Alright. I can not stand the idea of a boring life. We are going to find something for you to enjoy!" she said.

"Like what?" Anne asked.

"Come over my house this weekend. We will figure it out together!" Makenna decided.

"Oh. Okay." Anne wasn't sure if she truly wanted to go but the chance to make a friend, she couldn't let slip away.

Two schedules were dropped in front of the girls. Makenna grabbed both to compare them together.

"Um. May I have my schedule?" Anne asked.

"I think we will be best friends. Most of our classes are together. I just take chorus in place of your study hall. And I also have a dance class." she said as the paper slid over to the desk beside her own.

***

Anne remembered the harsh words in the email she got from Cadance that day. Usually the two would chat in the morning but today was different. It was her second year of middle school and everything was changing. Life was spiraling and she had found herself with a newfound problem. Not only was she crippled with depression but the idea of social interaction terrorized her to the point of where it felt like she was a victim of a murder case. That the one who killed her pushed her off a tall building where she would crash into the ground, left in the concrete with a broken body.

"Dear Anne, we can't be friends anymore. It's just too much of an embarrassment being friends with someone online! My friends say its not healthy."

Promises and the string of friendship was strained and left to wilt like a flower in the winter.

She couldn't believe that a such thing happened. Why did middle school have to be a thing? Everything she loved was gone from her life. Her tears were held back but she knew once she wad able to get to Makenna, she would burst like a shaken bottle of soda.

***

Cadance sat in front of her computer, her hands shaking and tears smearing black makeup down her face.

"It's for the.. The best.. Right?" She said.

All the pressure she had put on her was finally took control.

"Anne. I'm sorry." she said in a soft tone as she got up. Walking past her bookbag, she went the opposite way to the outsides but to her bedroom. School wasn't the place she wanted to be at right now.

The sun had left her world. Not willingly but she blocked it out.

***

Months had flew by since the event that took away their promise of always being friends. Both of them were spiralling down. Cadance didn't sing, she quit chorus and told people she was busy when they requested her to sing. Her mother had noticed something wrong in her daughter and had taken her to therapy. Hidden underneath jeans were cuts formed with sharp objects. Not each one was because of her loss but because she couldn't find happiness. Cadance suffered through more than just loss. Her father's girlfriend was jealous of the affection he gave her daughter and bullied her when he wasn't there on days Cadance came to visit. For the sake of her father's own happiness, she said nothing to him. Her grades were slipping behind and people questioned where did that smart girl go? There was an act she played of fake happiness through smiles and laughs, spending as much time with her friends. Movie nights, days at the mall and strolls through the park were a few things she did to support her through. She couldn't go back to Anne.

***

"I'm sure you will do great in the musical, Makenna. I promise. I'll be in the crowd, supporting you through." Anne told Makenna.

"Thanks." she smiled as she put down the controller for the game the two were playing on the large TV screen. "It means a lot to know that from you. Hey um, Anne?"

Anne looked to Makenna. "Yeah?"

"My mom and I are gonna go to Disneyworld this summer for my birthday. She told me I could bring a friend along. And you, being my number one supporter and my very best friend, I want to take you along.” Makenna said with a smile.

“Oh my goodness, I would love to Makenna! I mean, the last time I went there was when I was still a child. I don’t think I even told you this, but I cried too on half the rides.”

“Haha! You scaredy cat.” The female teased her friend.

“Oh hush! I’ll have to see with my parents though! I’m more than certain they will be okay with it since they trust your mother.”

“If it makes you feel any better, toasters scare me when they pop after toasting my food.” Makenna admitted, “But I hope so, it would be great if you can go. We’ll have a blast.”

Anne giggled and gave a nod. "I think you are the scaredy cat here!"

***

Makenna and Anne both enjoyed their summer full of beaches, late nights and the most memorable, the trip to Disney. The summer was one Anne could not forget and it buried away the past that harmed her. It didn't fix her depression and she wasn't encouraged to draw once more. That didn't mean the days weren't great. Depression isn't something you can fix. Happiness can not be glued back together and be expected to stick. It required more for proper repair. Duct tape isn't an option either.

Eighth grade was the year that they were at the top of the pyramid but it flew by fast. It was a wonderful feeling with blazing pride in their growing teenage bodies to graduate out of middle school and now be on the tracks for high school.

Being inside the high school brought back familiar feelings of middle school. The cluelessness and unsure of where everything is. It was a bigger maze too than the one before with more halls. Anne and Makenna were searching together with packed book bags with large binders and notebooks. It was their luck to have first class together, which was English.

"Okay! I think it is down this hall." Anne suggested.

"I think we went down there already." Makenna rejected.

"I don't think we did. Come on, it's worth it." Anne pleaded.

"Remember Disney? You got us lost so badly." Makenna insisted.

"Okay fine. You take lead and find the class."

***

Cadance sat in front of her computer. The dark room was filled with a bright light radiating off from a monitor as there was a running fan being the only sound in the room. Winter break wasn't as enjoyable as they always were. Not for the past years. Her phone would vibrate but each time she would ignore it. Not that she hated her friends. Loneliness was her new best friend. And since it is, why not spend as much time as possible with it?

Each unread email she sent was heart shattering as no response was given.

"Please.. Just answer this one.." Cadance said. "You always check your email. Stop ignoring me, Anne."

Once again, her phone vibrated. It continued until Cadence picked up the phone and opened it to see the caller. All her pain, all her loneliness and anger, she took it all as her phone hit the wall. It dented it a little and snapped the flip phone in half,

"It's your fault! It's all your fault! I lost my best friend in the entire world because of you!" She began as she took a couple heavy breaths as if she had no air left inside her body. "It's all because of you. I hate you." Soon she broke down, her hands covering her face. If she could, she would grow out her nails and claw her skin off. "It's my fault for believing your words about online friends. Anne, I’m sorry.”

****

"High school is such a bother with asking us to figure out what we wanna do in the future and what college we wanna go to!" Makenna sighed, kicking her feet in the lake water.

Spring time swung by and the two girls were adventurous with a strong love for nature.

"It's really stressful. We have to figure that out while studying for all our classes. Then juggle time out for sleep, food and some socializing." Anne said.

"I know you don't get much sleep lately because of your parents having high expectations." Makenna sighed.

"I just want to relax for one day." Anne said. "I can't do anything enjoyable without worrying day and night over my grades."

Makenna got up and stood up, grass sticking to the bottom of her wet feet. "Tomorrow. I have to go perform a musical with the rest of them in it at one of the nearby cities."

Anne sighed and nodded. "Have fun."

"I will. I wish you could come along and support me like you always do." She admitted as her feet were stuffed back into her worn out sneakers. "Mom is gonna take me tonight to the hotel we are gonna stay at."

"Got it." Anne said. Her eyes followed the moving fish in the water as she spoke.

The air felt free and she didn't want to leave. Time was what she was racing. Racing it so it doesn't end the short lived enjoyment she had. It was rare for her to have time like this and when she did, all of it went towards enjoying it all the way through. The stress that was like extra pounds on her was gone and her mind felt free. Her lost imagination went free after breaking through the barriers that stopped them. It played in her mind and wanted to dominate. All of it wanted to be free and no longer trapped away from the world.

Anne often did find herself daydreaming during free periods before reality snapped back in, switching to studying for upcoming tests and quizzes.

“Hey Anne. When I get back, I wanna see what you can do as an artist.” Makenna said to her best friend with a smile.

It’s been years since she drew except for when she had classes that required drawings, in which she excelled at. People around her were impressed and asked how she would do that but all she would do is laugh and shrug it off.

“It’s been a long time since I did any drawing for myself.” She reminded Makenna.

***

The roads were silent during the night. Makenna was watching the outsided as it passed by. Some houses with light and others without shining through windows. It was one of those Fridays too where a house would be blasting with loud music and kids would be getting drunk until their stomach felt sick and reckless decisions would be made.

Makenna was staring down at her phone, looking at the time. The clock was about to strike to a brand new day.

"Makenna, so after this musical, I was thinking that maybe we could have a dinner at a restaurant as celebration." Her mother told her.

"Anne invited?" She asked.

"Sorry dear, we'll be too far away and I was gonna take you while we were gone from home on the last night of your musical." her mother said.

"Okay." she said, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice.

As the drive went on, the silent road soon was filled with the sound of a car from the opposite side. Tires moving fast, the speed limit being broken as the tires soon made a screech and a swerve. The sound of a hand smacking hard down as the honk of a horn rung in Makenna’s ears and through the night.

“Mom!” Makenna screamed, covering her face with her hands as she prepared for the brutal impact with the other vehicle.

One car had flipped over from the strength as the other smacked right into a tree, the front damaged as there was a dent. The old tree had soon fallen across the car.

Glass had gotten everywhere. From the roads and to the inside of the cars.

Then time for Makenna stopped when everything went black, as she felt a a strap choking against her neck, blackening it.

***

A brush dipped in acrylic moved carefully but with brilliant strokes moved across a board of canvas. The hand move as if it was angelic as each stroke was used to build out a beautiful painting.

“I can’t draw for myself.” Anne mumbled as she looked over at her best friend who was resting in a hospital bed.

“Then don’t draw for yourself.” Makenna said.

Anne looked over at her. Her eyes felt heavy as she knew the truth. Her best friend wasn’t going to survive such injuries she suffered. Even if the doctors tried and do all they can, Makenna would feel crushed mentally. She wouldn’t be able to enjoy her life the way she does anymore. No more dancing, no more acting. No more freely moving as she pleases as the crowd of people love her movements in musical as she takes the lead. Her body was beyond complete repair.

“Draw for me. But not just me.. Draw for the world.” Makenna continued.

The words struck her unexpectedly as she opened her mouth to say something but the words were gone, like a thief came and took them away. For a second, she swore her heart had stopped as she shook her head.

“Makenna,” She grabbed her best friend’s hand. She held it like she was the most fragile thing she could ever hold.

“Anne. You’re my best friend. You always will be. Thank you for all the support you gave me throughout all these years. They mean a lot to me.”

“Stop it. Stop that.” Anne insisted, not wanting to hear it.

“Anne, You already know, I already know.” She choked on her words.

Anne shook her head as tears fell out of her heavy eyes, biting down on her lip harshly until blood seeped out.

“Please.” Anne begged.

Makenna didn’t respond, her eyes focused on Anne, tears sliding down her face that was covered in cuts and bruises.

“I’ll look after you, Anne, I swear. Even when I’m dead, I’m gonna look after you. I promise you. I’ll watch you and support you like you supported me throughout these days. I’ll guard you from the bad and lead you to the good. Anne, I don’t want to die, but it hurts. It hurts to breath, It hurts everywhere.”

Anne looked down at the ground. “I promise you Makenna that I’ll draw. I promise you it won’t be for myself but for the world.”

Makenna smiled as she closed her eyes tightly to stop her tears but to also rest. “That’s all I needed to hear. Change the world, show them the cruel aspects of it but also show them the beauty of the world we live in. Show them that we should stop leaning towards the cruelty and lean towards the beauty of the world before it’s too late.”

“I promise..” Anne said as she wiped away the tears streaming down her face.

***

A pencil was held in her hand, marks made on a piece of paper neatly, colored in with beautiful value done in colored pencil. Anne looked down at the drawing she did, not once letting go of the pencil. The race against time never stopped for her. Glancing at the time, she said, “I want to get a few more drawings done for the day but it’s late.”

One more drawing of an angel she used to know won’t hurt.

This time, she wasn’t planning on dropping that pencil.

***

Anne typed away on the computer after the discovery of something she had let go unnoticed. Her email was stacked with desperate messages from a long gone friend that held a promise to each other. The three simple words of I love you meant an eternal friendship and eternal support for one another, no matter where they were,

It has been four months since Makenna had left the world they lived in. Her school friends had tried their best to support her and cheer her up. They wanted her to know she wasn’t alone. They suffered too the pain of losing a dear friend but they understood that Anne suffered the most. Not once did they use their pain against her and tell her to get over it and that she’s not the only one. They weren’t that cruel of friends, they were friends that knew what she needed. Love, support and people who will look after her in this dark time. They even gave her space when she said she needed it.

Cadance and Anne had soon exchanged numbers within a few days. The two girls had plenty of new things to catch up on. What had been going on in each other’s lives, how it’s been for the past years. And once again, the promise they had for each other would live. The simple “I love you” promise would grow back once more and blossom into a even more beautiful flower than it was before. And with proper care, it will never wilt. Even without Makenna, Anne knew she could smile from joy because Cadance taught her that she could.

***

There was a carousel spinning inside her head as she took a few breaths as her eyes opened up. Anne's hand was wrapped around her phone. Turning the screen on, the bright screen attacked her eyes and her head only felt worse. Unlocking the device, she saw what she was looking at last night. The horrors that could come true if she didn't step in.

Each word that was seen on her best friend's blog brought tears to her eyes.

That was it.

Quickly, Anne closed the app and switched to her texting app. Hitting new message, she entered the name and began to type away the message.

"Cade. Cade Cade. What’s wrong? I saw your posts just now. Please please PLEASE whatever you do don't kill yourself. you’re an important person in my life and i dont want to have a life without you to be honest. You’re my best freaking friend okay and i care about you too much to let you try something like suicide. Thats what best friends are for anyways. I’m not gonna let you go do that so easily. Please talk to me if you can. I’m not gonna annoy you into it but I would really appreciate it. please cade. You’re a wonderful person, the Cade I know is a wonderful person. they are beautiful all over. from their personality and to who they are and look. Even if you disagree, I know deep inside so well that you are still that beautiful person I know. Even if that beauty may seem dead, I know a pinch of it is alive in you. Please don’t give up your life. Please. I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you. All the way to the ends of the galaxy and back, even to when humanity is no more and planet earth is no more. As we always said, it’s you and me against the world, Cade. I want to make sure you're okay. i want to hear from you even if its a simple im okay now. just please i don't want to find out you're dead one day and i did nothing to try and stop you because dang it, i care about you so much okay the idea of you committing suicide is making me cry so much right now. You don't deserve to die so young. You don't at all. You deserve life and happiness. You deserve it. Because I know you do from how we grew up together. Cade. I love you. I do. I love you as my best freaking friend and as we used to say, as my twin. Don’t do suicide please."

It was the following day where a reply was sent.

"Anne I love you so much, thank you so so much. I can't leave you, I need to stay here for you, so I'll be okay in the end, thank you, I love you Anne."

Her eyes scanned the message as tears dropped from her eyes and a smile conquered her face

"I love you too."

****