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Feeling unheard

Love language 101: Do you understand the people in your life or do you just know them? Yes they're two different things.

By JayPublished 3 years ago 8 min read
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Feeling unheard
Photo by fotografierende on Unsplash

I feel like I have to water myself down with everyone because no one I know enjoys quality conversation. Everyone wants instant gratification type conversations with no substance or depth. They want short fast and easy. if it's even a little bit introspective they never reply.

But why?

The reason seems to be it's " time consuming " and that it actually requires real thought. It comes off as bothersome or annoying to them. I value interpersonal relationships and I don't know anyone like that. I don't know anyone who truly enjoys or likes stimulating, thought provoking conversations. People just like your run of the mill metaphorical hit it and quit it type conversations. I like having a dialogue with people.

I like the push and pull of real conversations. If I could just find one person who is like me in that way or understands me in that way that would be amazing. I've been looking for that since I was 14.

I love getting down to the nitty gritty of who we are, why we are the way we are, why we belief what we believe, why we like the things we like, why we hate the things we hate, why your favorite things are your favorite,why you think the way you think.

What are your dreams, your hopes, your fears, your wants, your needs.

What was your childhood like.

Tell me about your family and your friends.

What do you want out of life, why you think we exist. why you're or aren't religious, do you believe there are other life forms in the universe, do you believe in the supernatural, do you believe in fate or destiny, why you're attracted to what you're attracted to.

How you feel about relationships,marriage,monogamy and polyamory, what are your have to's, deal breakers or standards for a mate and why.

Who and or what inspires you and what tv show or movie characters you love.

What music has changed your life or helped you through hard times.

How do you feel about kids, If you believe there is an after life, If you do or don't believe in science and why. What you think about the human race or society. How you feel about politics and why.

What you think about race, genders, sexuality, poor people, the climate, food, water, electricity, voting, housing, health care, drugs, technology, taxes, how countries take care of their citizens etc.

That's called talking about existential questions. The story of your life. Just WHO are you?

I want to for the first time experience the joy of opening up to someone and them actually caring about what you said no matter how long or short instead of the " oh god I'm not responding to all that that's too much " so they literally reply the exact second the message is sent when the message is a mile long so you instantly know they didn't read all or any of it and they be short with you or they only reply to a single part and not the message as a whole or they don't reply at all and that to me is never being able to vent your soul on to metaphorical paper or pour your heart out and actually have someone value you and your words and have someone feel honored and care that you trust them enough to be vulnerable and in my experience from the past 28 years of being alive that human literally doesn't exist.

You think you honestly know your friends and family? Tell me about their dreams. Tell me what breaks their heart. What are they passionate about, and what makes them cry? Tell me about their childhood. Better yet, tell me one story about them that you're not in. You still know as much about them as a book you once found, but never got around to opening. You know what looks like on the outside but not in the inside reading the words of their soul. People forget you " have " a body. You don't " have " a soul you ARE a soul.

Get to know the souls of the people in your life and not their bodies.

I just want to have an on going/never ending " getting to know you " thread with someone but no one I know likes that kind of stuff, everyone always makes it seem like it's a hassle or annoying or repetitive or it's too much to write or too much to read etc. Everyone wants and likes instant gratification these days and no one wants to be deep or go in depth but I love the "getting to know you process. People think the process ends but it never ends.

I try so hard with people when it comes to keeping conversations alive and I feel like no one is on the same level and maybe it's because I'm introverted which makes me absolutely hate small talk and makes me love to talk about deep things. like get into deep subjects.

Talking about random things about ourselves like talking about how much we hate pooping and build to things like atoms, death, aliens, sex, magic, intelligence, the meaning of life, faraway galaxies, music that makes us feel different,memories, the lies we've told, our flaws, our favorite scents, our childhoods, what keeps us up at night, our insecurities and fears. our favorite anime, our favorite comic book characters, our favorite foods, our favorite video games, people we love, people we aren't so fond of, why humans are so mean and evil and how it literally tears us apart how sick and twisted humanity is and how we don't even feel like we are human because we are so different from them.

Speak openly with emotion from a twisted mind and turns out we had everything in common.

Writing is the best form of communication. I could write with someone for hours.

Quality conversation is my love language .

It just seems to me it's as if the people in my life deem me unworthy of their time and effort. Not caring to make me feel valued or understood but that's what I care about the most when it comes to everyone else. It's just so disheartening sometimes.

I've never met anyone with this primary love language.

Most people see it as inconvenient and annoying and " so time consuming " I understand not everyone has quality conversation as their love language but I adjust and twist myself and cater to and conform to their specific conversational needs to accommodate them with glee I might add.

I love it when they ask me or want me to read these long things and want to show me things and expect me to answer accordingly but then when it's their turn to cater to my conversational needs it just doesn't happen.

I can't tell you how many times I've brought it up to people in my life. I've opened up to my friends and my family about how it seems they don't really care what I have to say and not noticing how it hurts me.

A lot of the time it feels like if I started a blog or got a column in the new york times or wrote a book etc not a single one of them would care and they most certainly wouldn't read any of it. But apparently it's too intellectually stimulating.

I try to tell them I'm really not that hard to understand.

i say to them that all i've ever wanted out of life is to help as many people as possible, make the world a better place before I die and to soak in as much fact based knowledge as humanly possible. That i am a seeker, a fragile artistic soul searching for answers to existential questions, an over-achieving perfectionist who tries to work hard at a pace that leads to extreme stress, i really struggle with thoughts about meaning, life, happiness etc. And sometimes I feel I can not go on any longer because of the cruelty of humanity. I just want to find peace for myself and humanity and that my main reasons for being are to help others and humanity as a whole and to ultimately acquire massive amounts of knowledge because:

" No thief, however skillful, can rob one of knowledge, and that is why knowledge is the best and safest treasure to acquire. Teaching furnishes the mind only with materials of knowledge; it is the act of thinking about the materials that we read or are taught that cultivates knowledge. You cannot teach anybody anything. You can only make them think. The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. It is the absence of facts that frightens people: the gap you open, into which they pour their fears, fantasies, desires etc akin to conspiracy theories. For me, it is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring. Knowledge is power. Power to do evil or power to do good. Power itself is not evil so knowledge itself is not evil. Knowledge, like air, is vital to life. like air, no one should be denied knowledge, the truth or the facts. "

"It is books that are the key to the wide world; if you can’t do anything else, read all that you can." — Jane Hamilton

I'm infatuated with the stories peoples past holds, their experiences.

The reasons why they're them.

As i said before people in my life make it seem as though I am too intellectually curious for them to handle when that's simply not the case.

The only difference between them and me is effort.

love
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About the Creator

Jay

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