Family Roles on Christmas

It's Christmas time and the family is back together. Emotions are high, expectations are unrealistic, and I can guarantee that this year, at your family gathering, you will find one or all of these roles filled.

1. THE MARTYR

Let's begin with the most dramatic role of all the roles; The Martyr. They seem to enjoy the drama of their suffering and usually make a show of it. They won't accept help but then complain about the lack of help. They believe that they and they alone will save Christmas (from what?). You can usually recognize this person by their messy hair, the crazed look in their eyes, and their exasperated sighs. Though this person can be annoying, their motive is usually love and at the end of the day, they just want to create a special Christmas. One way you can help make their Christmas better this year is by acknowledging and thanking them for their hard work.

2. THE TRADITIONALIST:

Warning: this person does not like change and if you try to take away a tradition to "switch things up" they will not be happy. They're the ones that insist everyone wear an ugly Christmas sweater because it's "tradition" and have to cook the same pie their great-great-great-great-grandmother created because well, it's tradition. Although their habitual ways can be irritating and oftentimes we wish they'd be more flexible, their traditions are what bring us together and they pass down the beauty and memories to every generation. Their pie brings us around the table and causes the family to once again laugh at old stories. Hopefully this year they can expand and try new traditions, but be sure to keep some of their old traditions, it's their stability and joy.

3. THE PEACEMAKER

The Peacemaker is so busy worrying about other family member’s problems, they practically miss out on Christmas themselves. You'll find them bouncing from room to room, quietly calming tensions and communicating between upset siblings. If you come from a large family with a lot of siblings, this person is oftentimes the 3rd child in the lineup. They spent a lot of their childhood saying, "can we all just get along?" and are still filling that role on Christmas day. While ultimately we want this person to be free from constantly carrying the weight of others’ emotional burdens, one way we can all help this person on Christmas is by dealing with our own drama and keeping the peace ourselves.

4. THE SHOW-OFF

This person shines during the gift exchange on Christmas. It is their moment. They might not have been present or available to talk during the entire year, but at Christmastime, they're buying back your love with some new iPhones or even new cars. If the family set a spending limit on gift exchanges, they couldn't care less, they're breaking all the rules. Their job was good to them this year and they want everyone to know it. Yes this person is frustrating, but we have to admit, they do give baller gifts. They're simply feeling insecure and guilty about their relationships. Give them some extra love (and slack for their lack of love this year) on Christmas, they need it.

5. THE SELF-RIGHTEOUS ONE

This person has a way of making you feel guilty about every enjoyable thing on Christmas. They feel like it's their duty to remind you of the bad effects of sugar and gluten and why gifts on Christmas are not the "reason for the season" but are just feeding into corporate America. Their "present" to the family is their "presence" on Christmas day, and they think that should be enough. They simply need some laughter and some loosening up. Shove one of Grandma's cookies in their mouth to cure them of their unnessary opinions.

5. THE AVOIDER

Like all of us, this person dislikes the questions from distant relatives like, "what are you doing for the rest of your life?" and, “are you still single?” but they take it to the extreme by completely avoiding the relatives or even the holiday itself. They can be seen sneaking in and out of rooms and having sudden reasons why they need to leave. We can make this Christmas a bit easier for this person by simply not asking them the hard questions and letting them forget about life's reality for a day or two.

Christmas can bring out the best and worst in us. For most of us, we want our families to connect and have a happy day, so we sometimes set these unrealistic expectations. We can all easily name which of our familiy members fits into the roles listed above, but whether we want to admit it or not, we ourselves also fit into these roles. When we acknowledge that, we can hopefully grow, move past the weaknesses of these "roles" and laugh at ourselves. So, I hope this video makes you and your family laugh, and helps us all to cut our family (and ourselves) some slack this year.