Family Isn’t Always Blood
This is my story of how I lost who I thought I needed and gained what I never knew I needed.
Family has always been an odd concept to me. I wasn’t raised in the worst setting but it also wasn’t the best. My real dad never gave a shit about us, my mom had a lot of trauma she never faced, my brother took his anger out on me and my step dad and my mom never got along. As I got older, I started to understand that a lot of their behavior was not acceptable. I dated abusive men, was a poor friend and did a lot of terrible things because I could not accept what had happened to me and couldn’t grow from it. Once I began going to therapy and realized the trauma that I faced, I slowly began to work through it, accept it and grow from it.
I am working on myself and have been trying for years. As most know, when you’re growing and changing, people will either love you or hate you. In this time, I found my best friend, got closer to amazing new and old friends and found the most amazing boyfriend with an amazing family. As those people started to come into my life, I discovered what true love really was. The people I now allow into my life love me every single day and show me who I want to be. It is amazing what you can learn from people that just love you for you. The people that I choose to have in my life offer more than I could ever know I needed. They know how to help me, they understand when I fail and they have helped me learn how to love them and love myself unconditionally.
In this time, I lost my mom. I got tired of being treated so poorly and made the difficult decision to cut her out. It wasn’t easy and I doubt it will ever be easy. But my step dad is still in my life, my boyfriend, his family and my friends all love and support me. I started going to therapy and really focusing on working on myself every day. I have people that call to do more than complain, people that don’t argue with me about nothing, people that under that I am also human. I have people in my life that just get me and that is truly all I have ever wanted. Take time to find your people. Remember that your people will not drag you down, they won’t destroy you, they won’t make you feel guilty for just being you. Your people will help you grow, they will give you feedback and constructive criticism, they’ll call you out on your stuff but they won’t do any of this out of malice. Their main concern will be you and showing you love and support.
You don’t get to choose who you are related to. But you should get to choose who stays in your life. Life is too short and you are too great to continue allowing half assed effort. You should receive the effort you put in. Blood does not mean someone should be allowed to treat you poorly. Your trauma is not invalid and neither are you. Put the time into working on yourself and see what amazing people come into your life. I will forever be in debt to the amazing people in my life. Remember, blood doesn’t mean anything if someone can’t treat you right. Also, remember to treat yourself better. Love those around you and love yourself a little harder. You will find your people and it will be beautiful. Just hang in there.