Everything I Haven't Said

I'm sorry that you don't want me anymore. I truly am. It must be hard to be able to easily throw someone away once you have had your way with them. I know that you are trying to make me hate you but in all honesty, it's not working. I would still go to hell and back to see you smile. I never thought that you would leave. Especially the way it all played out. You pretended that you didn't love me, yet you came back. You came back over and over and over again.

And as much as I love you, you suffocate me. I cannot be in the same room as you because just looking at you makes it hard to breathe. However, it's very ironic how that works. The same person that is suffocating me is indeed my oxygen. Your love is a necessity to my life and I have no idea how to survive without it.

I think what makes it hard is the thought of what we were. We had it all going for us. Marriage, kids, a big house, three dogs... a surgeon and a lawyer. God, it sounds perfect. But that idea is gone. You are gone. But this time is different. This time, I don't think that you are coming back.

I hope she is treating you well. You look happier and sometimes it brings me pain to admit that to myself. I saw you the other day. I don't think that you know that I noticed this but I saw the look that you gave me. It almost reminded me of a look that you used to give me when you missed me. But those days are long gone and so are the days of holding on to the false hope that you are coming back.

It's so odd, thinking about how long we have been apart. I never would have thought that I would make it this long without you. Especially now that you have moved on with someone new. But on the upside from losing you, I have also found myself. I can never thank you enough for giving me the experience that you handed over because without it, I would be lost and I probably still wouldn't know what I wanted.

Thank you so much for loving me while it lasted. Our love story was truly epic. I'm unsure if you are reading this right now, even though I've been hearing that you read every single piece of writing that I give out to the world. If you are though, know that my love will never fade for you, through thick and thin, and that if one day fate brings us together again, I won't try to stop the universe from completing its plan.

"You're a mess and I'm a mess. Together, we are simply beautiful chaos."

Love always, Emilee Anne