Dating: Do's & Don'ts
Dating: Do's & Don'ts

Establish Clarity & Focus In Love Relationships

by Mattie M. 2 years ago in advice

Focus on One Heart

Establish Clarity & Focus In Love Relationships

Clarity is imperative in having a peak performance relationship. Successful relationships require the masculine and feminine to be in alignment with their future goals.

If the masculine and feminine are focused in different directions, it makes it impossible to create and co-create the life they truly desire to achieve.

There are times when the feminine and masculine are busy focused on other masculine and feminine and miss out on one another entirely. How in depth do you know your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend?

Chaos and confusion is created through scattered intentions and motivations.

If the masculine and feminine are focused on one or more persons, the relationship tends to be out of balance. One or the other is getting their emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, sexual, and financial needs met outside of the relationship. This is called emotional unavailability. It means someone is not showing up in the relationship, an it is the most common issue in relationships today with the evolution of technology.

Both individuals must take full personal responsibility in creating the relationship they desire. Any third party sinks the ship. Once the ship starts sinking, the deeper the ship tilts into the ocean of deep emotions, the more magnified the drama, complexity, and trauma becomes.

Relationships are about survival of the fittest. The masculine and feminine are always in competition of who is the fittest emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, financially, and sexually. While we like to try to avoid this natural biological process, it's a deliberate choice to love someone or harm them with betrayal and deception.

Divorce is such a high rate, because last two previous generations became way to focused on the “Me” instead of “We” the entire group of the family.

Individualism became the norm. The fixed focused pursuit what the ego desires became the norm.

“What can I get out of the relationship?” instead of “What valuable insight, wisdom, and knowledge can I bring to the relationship?" Why relationships fail is because we devalue the masculine and feminine, the family, and two people are rarely 100% invested in the relationship to make it work long-term.

Whenever you have a long list of feminine and masculine in black book, mark who is supreme and who is the loser, it is a good sign you’re not 100% invested in the relationship. If you have a back up plan, in case this one or that one doesn't work out, you've already lost every chance of finding true love. True love is focused, intentional, and provides clarity, direction, structure, stability, and a strong foundation to build a future life together.

Where you invest your focus and attention is what you end up creating in your relationship. If you're intending to create drama and trauma, this is naturally the outcome of the relationship. If you desire to have a safe environment, security, trust, honesty, and authenticity in love, you may find one person who will go the extra mile, reach the end zone, and believes in long-term gains over short-term pleasure.

When one says, “I don’t like the drama,” they’re still creating drama by believing extra people adds spice to their life. This causes emotional and mental pain for everyone in the situation.

The nervous system is the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system. These two systems determine how one feels in a relationship. The whole purpose of extra relationships is to fill the urge to merge with the opposite sex.

It’s a natural desire to connect with the masculine or feminine. Is it healthy to merge with every masculine or feminine which passes by? It can be a natural impulse to give in to every urge to merge.

The side effects of the urge to merge, tends to have a cause and effect on finances. How much money does it cost for the feminine and masculine to fulfill their inner desires?

What sacrifices are the family, wife, spouse, and children making so one can fulfill their personal desires and needs? Emotionally and mentally, this brings up issues of abandonment, rejection, and separation of the feminine and masculine.

It sends a message one has low self-worth, self-respect, self-dignity, self-love, and if one feels unworthy, and trying to fill that empty void to feel good, feel important, feel loved through infidelity, they are harming their spouse or boyfriend and girlfriend. They're also harming themselves. When you aren't indulging in the five senses of pleasure, and know it's wrong internally, you cause shame and guil, because naturally you know it's wrong to begin with. This is natural for the conscious to feel guilty or shameful when one does something they know is wrong. It's healthy to have a conscious and know what is right or wrong.

When one feels guilt or shame based on others' control, manipulation, coercion, intimidation, and conditioning, this is when it becomes unhealthy guilt and shame. There is a difference between unhealthy guilt and healthy guilt.

Infidelity also sends a message you disrespect other people's emotions, thoughts, and feelings. You devalue the relationship. And the other individual isn’t worthy of respect, dignity, and love. In the heat of the moment, it’s too easy to live out of the ego, think of “Me” instead of “We.”

The whole idea is being mature enough to speak up and be your authentic self. The authentic self is not afraid to express their inner desires, discuss how they feel, and do their inner work to evolve the relationship in a more positive direction. Communication is an important key.

If you’re needs aren’t being met, ask why they’re not being met. Infidelity is a form of escapism. It’s easier to sabotage a relationship than be real and authentic with self and another individual.

Emotional intimacy is being vulnerable, connected at the mind, heart, and groin. When infidelity comes into the picture you can’t see, hear, feel, smell, or taste your spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend. The brain can only focus on one person at a time. If you’re focused elsewhere, you’re not bringing yourself into clarity.

Clarity requires you to focus on one person, and not scatter your thoughts, emotions, and feelings in multiple directions.

Chaos and confusion are created by dividing the mind and heart in two or more directions, and finding yourself in a dramatic experience. One doesn’t like jealousy, anger, bitterness, rage, resentment, yet creates drama and complexity in the experience expecting a different outcome.

Common sense says, every masculine and feminine will experience these natural emotions when placed in the experience of infidelity, betrayal, and deception.

While one can try to discipline themselves in all these areas, the brain is wired with primal fear, fight or flight, and digs down deep into the subconscious mind, brings up to the service all the similar experiences of being betrayed, deceived, and harmed by others. Emotional wounds run deep to the core, and sex is the deepest emotional wound there is in the human psyche. By human nature we choose to emotionally wound others for self-gratification and self-pleasure.

Boundary pushing is polarizing another individual's psyche, and while it may seem cute to cause drama and trauma, it is one of the biggest reasons for domestic violence and child abuse. If they found a 100% cure for jealousy, primal fear, and fight or flight, it hasn’t arrived on the market. Be realistic and understand the psychological and emotional impact your choices have on other individuals.

While you’re not responsible for other people’s actions, you still must be responsible for your actions and how your deliberate choices do have an impact on the outcome of the situation.

There is unjustified jealousy when someone gets jealous out of their imagination, assumption, and conclusion, without all the facts and evidence, and there is also justified jealousy by you taking various steps to create the drama and complexity in the relationship. It’s important for the masculine and feminine to own their part in creating or co-creating the situation.

What are your beliefs about the feminine and masculine? What are your beliefs about marriage? What are your beliefs about infidelity? These are good questions to ask one’s self.

What distortions and dysfunctional points of view have you picked up from culture, conditioning, and family dynamics. Know where these beliefs stem from, and is it truly healthy, or if you are in denial of it, it can be very unhealthy for everyone involved.

While human nature is natural, everything in nature isn’t healthy. Human nature is a creature of habit. When you make an emotional pattern to escape into other relationships, you’re making an emotional attachment, getting a high off collecting as many men and women on your list as possible.

It’s fulfilling the need of a dopamine release in the emotional center of the brain, just like any other addiction. Dopamine is the high way to all addictions, and through creating certain relationship habits, we self-sabotage ourselves and sabotage our relationships. By collecting trophies, conquering the masculine and feminine, it's serving the reward and punishment, pain and pleasure center, and tapping into the emotional center of the brain.

In the end we cry out, “Why can’t my relationships ever work out?” “Why can’t I find love?” It’s simple, love is a deliberate choice to do the right thing, make things right, and even if it’s difficult to set personal boundaries with other men and women, make deliberate choice to choose life with your spouse, or boyfriend, or girlfriend.

When you have clarity and focus on one masculine or feminine, you can create a successful relationship together. True love consists of seeing, hearing, tasting, touching, and smelling your partner. Showing up in the relationship, seeing one another in the most vulnerable and intimate ways. If you’re running away from the relationship, you’re living in fear instead of love.

Be clear and concise about what you truly want in life. If you can’t be clear, take a few steps back, exit relationships entirely, contemplate, do some introspection, inner work, and get to the root of the issue why you need a long list of masculine and feminine to validate who you are as an individual.

It’s inside job, not an outside job. The masculine and feminine are the catalyst in your own personal growth and evolution in becoming a mature masculine or feminine.

Other people shouldn’t have to suffer emotional and mental pain for the sake of fulfilling your short-term urge to merge, impulsive fixation for a dopamine release to escape your own emotional and mental pain. First as individuals the masculine and feminine must show up for themselves and second show up for one another instead of running and escaping reality.

There are healthier ways to get the same affect through physical fitness and recreational sports, meditation, creative visualization, creating art, music, sculpting, and painting.

There are many healthy habits we can exchange for unhealthy habits which are destructive in relationships. It’s a deliberate choice to choose the higher road of love, happiness, and success.

How does it work?
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Mattie M.

Mattie loves uplifting individuals in a more positive direction. She is a poet, short-story writer, and working on her first novel. Writing for a cause to pay for publishing and the editing of my novel on Depression and Anxiety.

See all posts by Mattie M.