DURING

HAVEN’T TOLD HIM I FOUND IT.

HE KEEPS HIS PHONE IN THE TRUNK..OFF…STUCK DRIVING THOSE HALF-A-CIGARETTE TOWNS HOPING TO FIND WHAT DADDY TALKED ABOUT WITH MOMMY THAT YEAR. THAT’S TOMMY. TIRED.. BROKE.. FLAT-TIRED MORE BROKE CAN’T PAY A ROOM HARDLY A BITE SO HE SLEEPS IN THE BACK ON THE BENCH SEAT WITH EVERYTHING ELSE AND WHAT HE THROWS BEHIND HIM ON THE ROAD—OR AT HIS FRIEND JIMS IF HE’S REAL LUCKY AND PASSING THROUGH RENO AGAIN BECAUSE JIM STILL “OWES” HIM FROM THAT TIME IN CARSON CITY.

COULDN'T EVEN IF I WANTED TO.

IT’D BE A SHOT IN THE DARK GETTIN' A RING THROUGH BECAUSE OF THE TRUNK THING AND I KNOW THAT ALREADY AND TOMMY AND ME WE AIN’T REALLY ON TERMS ANYMORE BECAUSE HE ALWAYS KNEW THAT DADDY AND MOMMY LIKED ME A BIT MORE AND WOULDA EVEN GIVEN IT TO ME WHOLE—BUT “THEY WOULDN’T” HE SAID BECAUSE THEY OWED IT TO HIM FOR BEING THEIR FIRST BORN AND THAT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO SO THEY SAID WE COULD SPLIT IT.

THEY TOLD US IT WAS TEN.

IT LOOKED LIKE TWENTY TO ME EVEN BEFORE I COUNTED AND I WAS RIGHT AND THEY MUST HAVE ADDED ANOTHER TEN BEFORE THEY LEFT FOR GOOD AND PROBABLY WOULDA EVEN LEFT MORE IF THEY CAME BACK AGAIN THAT LAST TIME—AND TOMMY AND ME DIDN’T HAVE TO FIND OUT FROM THE RADIO AND THE SHERIFF AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT THEY WEREN’T—AND THAT “THEY WERE BAD” AND THAT “THEY GOT WHAT WAS COMING” AND THAT “ONLY FOOLS TRY AND TAKE FROM FIRST NATIONAL”—THAT’S WHEN WE REALLY STARTED YELLIN’ AND BLAMIN' AND THINKIN’ WE-MUST-BE-BAD-TOO AND TAKING THE CAR AND KEEPING THE TRUNK LOCKED WITH THE PHONE AND SLEEPING AT JIMS.

IT WAS RIGHT WHERE THEY SAID.

“HERE” — RIGHT UNDER THE FLOOR HERE— ONLY IT TOOK ME TOO LONG TO THINK UP WHAT “HERE” MEANT WHEN THEY FIRST GAVE US THAT LITTLE BLACK BOOK WITH ALL THE DRAWINGS AND MAPS AND JOKES THEY PUT IN AND TOLD US TO USE IT TO GO “FIND IT TOGETHER”—

AND WE TRIED—

THAT BOOK HAD US ALL OVER COUNTY DIGGIN’ UP HOLES AND FOLLOWING LINES THAT WENT TO NOWHERE AND FURTHER AND TOMMY HE DIDN’T EVER WANT TO STOP. HE HAD THAT ITCH YOU KNOW—AND THAT ITCH GREW EVEN WORSE AFTER MOMMY AND DADDY WENT INTO A HOLE OF THEIR OWN—NOW HE’LL NEVER GET BACK HOME BECAUSE HE PROMISED HE “WOULDN’T” UNTIL HE GOT IT HIMSELF AND PROVED THAT HE WAS SMARTER THAN ME AND CROSSED OFF EVERYWHERE ELSE IT MIGHT BE—THAT’S WHY HE’S STILL OUT THERE DRIVING AND TOOK THAT BOOK FOR HIMSELF AND WON’T OPEN UP THE TRUNK UNLESS HE’S GOT A REASON TO EVEN IF I DID CALL.

IT WASN'T ALWAYS LIKE THAT.

WE WERE BOYS ONCE AND BELT TIGHT AND WE WOULD RUN BY THE BIG ROCK TOGETHER AND PLAY STEAL-THE-STICK AND PRACTICE OUR LARIATS AND SIT UNDER THE TREE AND TAKE OFF OUR BOOTS IF IT RAINED AND ALWAYS COME BACK WHEN MOMMY AND DADDY CALLED—AND IT WAS LIKE THAT..BROTHERS YOU KNOW? FOR A WHILE.. AND THEN I STARTED TO LIKE BOOKS WITH NO PICTURES AND WANTED TO HELP OUT AROUND THE HOUSE AND MORE AND HE JUST WANTED TO KEEP RUNNING—AND I STOPPED.. AND THEY NOTICED THAT BETWEEN US.

THE HOUSE COULD USE SOME PAINT.

AND NEW SCREENS TO KEEP OUT THE DUST AND MY MATTRESS GOT LUMPS AND NEW BOOTS AND A DOG NAMED CHARLIE TO KEEP ME COMPANY AND A NEW RADIO AND A FEW BOTTLES AND MAYBE MY OWN CAR AND SOME STEAKS AND SHOOT I HAVE TO PUT NEW NAILS IN THE FLOOR NOW THAT I FOUND IT—AND SOME MORE AND I COULD TELL HIM THAT THERE WAS “ONLY TEN" SO I WOULD ONLY HAVE TO GIVE UP FIVE AND SAY THAT I FOUND THE DOG AND I WOULDN’T BE LYING AND HE’D ONLY BE MAD THAT I GOT TO IT FIRST.

JIM LEFT A MESSAGE.

“TOMMY TOLD ME TO TELL YOU THAT HE LEFT MY PLACE AND THAT HE KNOWS WHERE IT IS AFTER ALL AND HOW TO GET IT EVEN WITHOUT LOOKING AT THE BOOK ANYMORE AND WHY-DIDN’T-HE-THINK-ABOUT-THIS-BEFORE AND HE’D BE ON HIS WAY BACK HOME THE SECOND HE GOT IT AND OPEN UP HIS TRUNK FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A YEAR AND GIVE YOU A CALL.”

ITS BEEN THREE DAYS..

STILL NO TOMMY AND IT’S ONLY A DAY FROM JIMS AND I AIN’T GONNA CALL HIM AND HE SHOULDA BEEN BACK ALREADY SINCE HE FIGURED IT OUT—

AND ALL THIS HAS ME THINKIN’— 


HOW COULD TOMMY CALL ME OUT THERE ON THE ROAD ONCE HE GETS IT WHEN I ALREADY GOT IT RIGHT HERE?

COULDN’T SLEEP LAST NIGHT.

NEW BED WAS TOO SOFT AND THE NEW BOOTS NEED SOME WEAR AND CHARLIE WAS SNIFFIN' AND SCRATCHIN' AT THE NEW NAILS I PUT IN AND I TURNED ON THE RADIO AND HEARD THEM TALKING ABOUT A MAN LIKE MOMMY AND DADDY THAT TRIED TO GET IT FROM THE SAME FIRST NATIONAL AGAIN AND RAN AND THEY SHOT HIM TWICE AND HE DIED TOO—

AND I THOUGHT ABOUT THAT AND DECIDED—

I COULD TAKE OUT THE NAILS AGAIN AND PUT IT ALL BACK WHERE I FOUND IT AND PICK UP THE PHONE AND GIVE TOMMY A CALL IF HE ANSWERED OR JIM AND MAKE SOMETHING UP SERIOUS—WAIT FOR HIM TO GET BACK HOME AND LET HIM GET TO IT EASY—

THEN WE COULD LAUGH AND SHARE THE BOTTLE AND THE STEAKS AND TAKE OUR BOOTS OFF AGAIN AND GO SIT UNDER THE TREE—

AND I THINK THAT’S WHAT MOMMY AND DADDY REALLY MEANT WHEN THEY GAVE US THAT BOOK.

(STRAIGHT TO VOICEMAIL)

"HEY TOMMY WHEN YOU GET THIS..."