Draining Friendships

We all need a good friend. But what constitutes as a “good friend?” The qualifications vary based on each individual. One of the worst things is being more of a friend to someone than they are to you, or feeling taken for granted, or even worse, being betrayed!

But before we go off the deep end, let’s establish a baseline for friendship. Whatever your individual criteria for friends, we all have some basic qualities we require. Most people expect a friend to be loyal, honest, and respectful. Very simple and easy to achieve, you would think, yet many people we consider friends have difficulty meeting these three basic requirements.

The main things I want you to learn is the importance of boundaries and quick exits.

Friendships that drain your energy and that bring you down must end. When, is up to you. Friendships are supposed to provide companionship, comfort and joy. If these are not being fulfilled you have to start questioning yourself as to what purpose this person serves in you life. Basically, why the fuck are you here? Think about the five closest friends you have, I bet they all meet that criteria.

We go shoe shopping, to the movies, parties, dinners, and vacations with our friends because we enjoy their company, we feel comfortable with them, and they bring us joy. I once had a friend I’ve known since birth. She definitely met the qualifications of a friend. In fact, she was my closest friend. She depended on me for emotional support for most of our lives. So it wasn’t until she crossed a boundary and I ended my friendship with her, did I realize what a huge burden she was to me.

Of course I still love her, but it wasn’t healthy for me to maintain a friendship with her. I spent an enormous amount of time worrying about her. I felt responsible for her life, which became too much. Still, I didn’t see it because it had always been there. She disrespected me and my family. I was first shocked. I mean I had literally saved this girl's life twice. Not mentioning all the other times I had been there for her. But then I got angry and felt violated and taken for granted. But it wasn’t until about a year later that I realized that I had been freed. I had less headaches, more time for myself, and most of all, peace of mind.

No friendship is worth your peace of mind. Love them from afar—very far. I also ended a new friendship recently. This is the quick exit. She was also nice and met my criteria for friendship. But she was controlling. I’m a life coach. I have a Facebook business page and I asked all of my friends and family to like and share it. Most did as I asked and I am ever so grateful to them. But she went many steps beyond what I asked and crossed a major boundary.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m very fair and I live by the three strikes rule. She had already come too close to crossing the boundary lines before, so this chick was on strike three. I quickly ended that friendship because she did not respect me, my business, or my boundaries. I only knew her a year, so no major love lost.

Please exit stage left!

To help you along your friendship journey, here are a few tips to remember:

1. Set personal boundaries for yourself and your friends.
2. Establish for yourself the purpose for the friendship early on.
3. Be the friend you want.
4. Understand that some people are in your life for a season while others are there until the end.
5. Be forgiving but not burdened.
6. Get to know them before they get full friendship benefits.
7. Remember loyalty, honesty, and respect as general requirements
8. Remember companionship, comfort, and fun as the purpose of friends.

I hope these tips guide you to a smoother journey of friendship.

❤️ Coach Tira