Double date with my parents

My mother went back to college as soon as I was graduating. She talked about this guy in her class so many times that I felt like I had already met him. Michael this...Michael that...Michael Michael Michael! Ugh! I was surprised that my dad was not annoyed with her. My mom was talking about him so much and mentioned how he was very good looking and my age. I at first thought that she was just trying to cover her tracks and use talking to him and about him as a scapegoat to continue her friendship. I was a little taken aback when she had suggested “Oh hey, you and your friends should hang out with Michael so that he can have more friends”. Umm excuse me?! Cue the meme of Nick Young looking confused. I told her no and I thought that this was going to be the end of it. Boy was I wrong!

My mother began to push more into me hanging out with him. She said that he is not from this country and he just wanted to have more friends. I told her that while I am sure he is a nice guy, this is very awkward for her to do this to me. She said very adamantly that she was not trying to hook me up with him, even though she kept mentioning that “he is so good looking and rich”. This was excruciating. Everyday she would talk about him as if he was prince charming. I did not dislike him or was being mean, but I knew what her intentions were. My sister chimed in and asked our mom “Why are you pushing for her to meet this guy?” She kept saying that she was not trying to get me to date him.

She lied. My mother texted me out of the blue and said “Hey I really want you to meet Michael. Since you like to play pool, I thought that me and your dad can take you and him to play pool”. I yelled, “I knew it!” She was saying that it is not a date because her and my dad were taking a long time. Umm, it still is a date regardless. Unfortunately, I had no choice but to go on the date because I live at home and she would have made my life a living hell.

So, I decided to go. She said that it wasn’t a date so I wanted her to know that I am not dating this guy. I wore a jersey, didn’t put on perfume, didn’t do my hair. I basically looked like I was going to the Raiders game. Of course, my mother complained. She told me that I should do my hair and not look like a tomboy. She knew I did this on purpose because I am very girly and will overdress when I am literally going to the gym. I told her “I thought that we were hanging out as “friends” not dating”. She was irritated and tried like hell to get me to change but I stuck to my guns.

We go to pick him up at his house. My mother was pushing on him and me talking. I kept most of my answers to one word answers, but I eventually stopped and answered with more context because I didn’t want to be mean. The car ride was awkward. It was quiet and my mother kept trying but it did not work. She made me and him share a pool table while her and my dad were at the other pool table. My dad asked me if I wanted anything to eat and I said “Yeah can I get garlic fries?”. My mom gave me a dirty look and I tried not to laugh. She tried to say “oh the garlic fries are expensive”, but my dad insisted on it. He knew what my mom was doing and he played along with it. I love my dad for that.

So the guy and I were talking. At first it was going okay until I talked about sports:

“So what sports do you like?” Michael said

“I like football” I said.

“Oh what team”

“Teams. I am a saints and raiders fan”

“What, that’s crazy.”

“Why?”

“You can’t like two teams. That is like saying you like two men”

I was upset with this comment because it assured me all along that this was a date. A very bad date. The fact that he made a comment regarding dating and I already was not wanting to go out made me pissed.

“I am not faithful,” I said.

My mother heard and was upset. I didn’t care. I did not mean the faithful comment, but I was so livid that I didn’t care. My mother went all out on this “date” that she was playing R & B music. I played death metal. She told me to wear earrings. I wore sneakers and a cap. She said garlic fries smelled. I ate a handful.

I thought this was the end of it. Then a couple weeks later, my mother dropped a bombshell.

“Hey you know that guy Michael” she said.

“The guy who you tried to fix me up with?” I said.

“I wasn’t trying to fix you up with him.”

“Sure”

“Anyway, he says that his father is looking for a wife for him.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Oh I just thought you wanted to know. Paying $50k”

“Nope, not gonna happen. I am telling dad”

“Okay, okay. After that date I am done.”

“Thank you”

Yeah so that date was hell. I hated it. However, I am able to laugh about it.