Don’t Forget About the “B”

by Beth Gibbons 2 years ago in lgbtq

Being Bisexual in the Year 2017...

Don’t Forget About the “B”

Yes, I am a bisexual woman. Even though I married and had a child with a man, my sexuality did not change. Although, if you were to ask some people in the LGBTQAI+ community today, they may tell you different.

It has been a struggle the last couple of years being a bisexual. I cannot help but wonder if we have been completely forgotten about. It wouldn’t be the first time. Many of us don’t feel accepted by either the gay community or the straight community, after all we are, in fact, half of each. Now, with several new genders popping up, I cannot help but wonder what will become of us.

The definition of the word “bi” comes from Latin, meaning “two.” If you look up “Bi” in the dictionary, the initial definition will be “two, having two” and then you will also read “A division and subdivision twice over.” The next definition of the word “Bi” is an abbreviation for the word “Bisexual.” This word originated in the 1960’s and is defined as, “A person who is sexually attracted to both men and women.” However, if there are now 76 genders, are we going to be known as “Multi-sexual” suddenly?

As a bisexual woman, I have an issue with being referred to as Multi-sexual. I have no issue with transvestites and I have no issue with anyone who is straight or gay. My issue is that I am only attracted to two sexes – male and female. When I fornicate with a man, I would like for him to be manly and have a penis. When I fornicate with a woman, I would like for her to be girly and have a vagina. Those are my preferences. I hear I am not allowed to have them without harsh judgement, however I cannot help what I am attracted to.

The beauty of being a bisexual is that one can choose which sex they wish to be with and we have more options that those who are only attracted to one. When we go to a single’s club, we can scope out both the men and women while our friends are only able to buy drinks for one or the other. I consider that being pretty lucky and being able to completely keep my options open. Of course, now at the age of 31, I am married to a man but I enjoyed being able to choose to have a traditional marriage and lifestyle. I was lucky enough to fall in love with a man and in fact, upon entering my late 20’s, I decided I wouldn’t date women anymore. I wanted to get married to a man and have a baby with that man and I felt lucky to be able to choose that, I did. It was a lot less stress and heartache than it would’ve been had I fallen in love with a woman. That is just pure honesty.

However, when I made this decision, I decided I wanted to be in a relationship with a man that was very much a man – had been born a man, grown up a man and wanted to remain a man. I found him and four years later, we are happy.

Whenever I am on a public online forum and I bring up how I am a bisexual woman who is married to a man, I am now told that I have decided to "be straight." If you were to browse through our computer's porn history, however, you would see something different. There is no way for me to suddenly stop being attracted to women as well. I have just chosen to be with a man in a monogamous relationship. And just like when a woman is straight and with one man, she cannot sleep with other men...I am a bisexual woman who is with one man and cannot sleep with other men, or women. That is how it is. I do not marry a man and suddenly become "straight." I did, however, choose to live a straight lifestyle and I am okay with people calling it that. Just don't forget that sexuality doesn't change. We fought for that belief to stick around in the 80's and if it disappears, we could be in for a larger issue of people asking gay people why they don't choose to be straight as well.

So yes, I chose the "straight lifestyle." However, there are some bisexual men and women out there that have not made their decision to settle down yet and have not fallen in love with “the one” and I fear our society is forgetting about them.

There is nothing wrong with having preferences and attractions. There is nothing wrong with choosing a traditional lifestyle for yourself. There is nothing wrong with letting your heart be your guide and falling in love with someone of the same sex. There is nothing wrong with being several different genders, even if you wish to be them all at the same time. Where we go wrong is when society decides there are several different genders in order to make one group feel accepted (trans people) but then forgets there is another group that cannot exist if there are all these genders and therefore throws them under the bus (bisexual people). We are putting it in society’s heads that there are many genders, not just two, and if you are a person out there who is attracted to ONLY two genders, you are a homophobic, transphobic Nazis and you need to change your attractions and preferences right now…but we forgot about the “B!”

Remember how the community is called Lesbian, Gay, BISEXUAL, etc?? We seem to have forgotten how to fully accept those who the “B” in LGBTQAI+ represent. Why? Why are we doing this?

As I briefly mentioned earlier, Bisexual people are not accepted in either community. As it has been proven to us over the years of 2016 and 2017 especially, we are not fully accepted by the gay community. Then, as we all know, we cannot be accepted by the straight community either since they fear we will steal their lovers (that was a joke, don’t worry, straight people, no hate)!

So, here we are, blowing in the wind, wondering when we are going to fully be accepted somewhere. Wondering why our sexuality is being completely changed or erased to go along with a political agenda. We have always existed, back when you were fighting for gay rights, we were alongside you. We are allies for both sides, the gays and the straights. However, once again, they have pushed us aside and decided we either shouldn’t exist or our sexuality must be homophobic…or the definition changed to include several apparent genders we may not be attracted to. We are not rallying. We are not trying to get oppression points. In fact, most of us grew up in the 90’s or before, so we were taught not to be defined by our sexual orientation or gender or anything to do with appearances (it also helped us start the anti-bullying campaign to have those views). However, I just thought I would bring it up since I have been wondering what is going to happen to us?

So, the next time you have a discussion about gender and sexual orientation, don’t forget about the “B” because we exist. We have always existed and we will always exist, despite how much society tries to make us extinct.

Beth Gibbons
Beth Gibbons
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Beth Gibbons

Journalist, poet, mom, wife!

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