Do What Is Right

After an out of state trip visiting extended family, I came home and told my mom I could not hang out with Stephen (my best friend) anymore because he was black.

"DON'T EVER SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN! GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY WITH HIM RIGHT NOW! SKIN COLOR DOES NOT MATTER!"

In two short weeks, my impressionable 5 or 6 year old brain had picked up on the racist mindset held by family members I love. And in three loud sentences of intolerable disgust, my wonderful mother set me straight.

It's wild to me that this memory at such a young age has stuck. I genuinely believe that I intuitively knew rejecting Stephen because of his skin color was not right because I played with him all the time, but it's hard to think someone in your family is wrong. I'm thankful my Mom responded so aggressively and even physically as she pushed me outside the front door. It locked it in my mind that racism is really ignorant and awful.

As I have grown into adulthood I have noticed that I will pretty much cry in every movie that tackles the issue of discrimination. When love wins out over hate it just stirs something within me.

"I have decided to stick with love..." -MLK Jr.

At 29 years old I stepped into a career in law enforcement. My motivation was an inner desire to bring light into the darkness. I found myself quite discontent sitting in a cubicle talking to people about their financial portfolio. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to help people in need.

This romantic idea was hit hard by reality. There is a dark underbelly of society that many people do not even notice. The red and blue emergency lights of a patrol car reflecting off nearby buildings hint that things are not all roses, but most do not really grasp that police officers are standing in the gap to protect the innocent from the guilty.

I actually find myself at a loss for words when someone says, "You must be bored being a Police Officer in this town." It's just proof they have no idea what we encounter so they can feel safe in their community.

As a police officer I have certainly been able to make a difference, but in truth, it is a pretty thankless job.

"But I know, somehow, that only when it is dark enough can you see the stars." -Martin Luther King Jr.

My career began in 2012 and it seems riots break out in various cities every couple of years due to the perception of racism; white cops abusing their authority to oppress black Americans.

I used the word "perception" because I do not believe the majority of cops are racist. In my career I have not been around any officer that I could label as outright racist. In all honesty, I cannot see a person's heart so I cannot claim there are not any racists holding a badge. I just have not personally seen anyone act in a way that I thought was motivated by a predetermined judgment based on skin color.

Where I aim to improve is to not write off the feelings others may have.

I should have probably asked questions much earlier, but the death of George Floyd and the riots that followed sent me down a path of seeking to understand.

This situation was an eye opener for me because the video everyone saw of Floyd was not controversial. I don't know any cops that felt Derek Chauvin's actions were justified and yet riots broke out everywhere over the systemic racism of white law enforcement officers towards black Americans.

This incident, in all honesty, forced me to recognize the pain many people must be feeling and holding inside. As I engaged in conversation with my black friends, they shared stories of how often they feel discriminated against. They did get called the "N" word at times or felt the hate from a stare by someone with a swastika tattoo, but many issues were more subtle. A store owner paying more attention to them in the store because they are more worried she will steal than the white woman in the next aisle. A friend of mine was approached by police because a white man called 9-1-1 to report a black man on "his" street that seemed suspicious and "out of place." A woman pulling her daughter a little closer because of a few black men walking nearby. The sound of a door locking as a black teen walks past a silver Lexus in a parking lot. These small acts communicate that "you are less than" and "you are not to be trusted."

These stories hurt my heart because I believe everyone has value. My goal in 2022 is to be a voice of light and love. I will take time to listen to others and continue to make decisions based on content of character, not skin color. Part of my efforts include writing this short story to hopefully communicate that there are many officers with no racist intent or leanings.

"People fail to get along because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don't know each other; they don't know each other because they have not communicated with each other." -MLK Jr.

I am also striving to get out of my introverted shell. Cops, jaded by the fact that no one is ever happy to see them, tend to close off from the world. We often cannot share what happens in our daily lives with friends or even our spouse because the majority of people just can't relate and we don't want to burden them. Add on to this a growing media buzz around our brash, unwarranted actions towards different races and it just feels safer to live in seclusion.

I am striving to be more open. I'm working on building a habit of small gestures of kindness and love to everyone around me; a friendly smile goes a long way. I am learning the value of slowing down. We are built for community and taking time to have conversations with people to hear their stories and learn from their perspective is powerful. I'm avoiding FaceBook debates for authentic face-to-face interaction.

In my profession though, love is not only about outward kindness. It also involves stepping in to protect others. Fighting a felon (regardless of skin color) that just committed a robbery may not fit our ideal of love, but it may stop another store clerk from living in fear after being held up at gunpoint. Arresting a drunk driver may not seem loving until you realize I may have just saved you and your loved one's lives. Placing handcuffs on a suicidal person may seem heartless until you realize I am taking them to get a mental health evaluation so they don't harm themselves or someone else.

Love looks different in my world, but I will take action. It is my duty and my heart's desire.

"The time is always right to do what is right." -MLK Jr.