"Do Not Put All Eggs in One Basket": Is It Wise Advice for a Relationship?
In the era when everyone can have more options to encounter potential lovers, join dating and hook-up cultures, how can you find your own voice and preferred style for investing in love?
Before you answer my question raised in the title, let's talk about love. You may immediately cite a definition from a dictionary, a philosopher, a love and relationship coach, or even from your favorite movie quotes. Because it is an abstract concept that can be described from many external sources, it is easier for a person to absorb and recite a well-phrased and ready-made definition than to truly ask what he/she needs pertaining to love. It is easier for the media to gloss over love and dating life and feed you with an exciting journey of courtship and exciting dating ideas. It is an intuitive path to grow up and immerse oneself in what is labeled as "love" without taking a second to see whether it can benefit your physical and mental health for a long run. The thing is, love is so personal since one who born with his/her own ego and persona would need it for different reasons. It is those reasons that guide your conclusion to my question above and urge your decisions once you accept to be someone's exclusive girlfriend or boyfriend. Highlighting that claim is really important as you will know how many "eggs" or values you are capable of offering in a relationship, or in other words, know how much you can invest (and/or risk). That heads-up prevents you from being swayed by any trendy dating apps calling you to pile up your potential spouses or experienced flirters no matter what phase you are in a relationship. Let's see which scenarios resonate most with your needs and evaluate whether a Yes or No to my question above will satisfy you, in the end.
1. Scenario 1: It is a YES.
For some people, they consider love to be a marathon to chase after achievements. Being loved is an ultimate goal instead of offering love, and courtship in a relationship means a trial-and-error experience. Those people believe that relationship is a field that they need to "study" to master their social and interpersonal skills so that they can upgrade to the next level to meet with new people. Therefore, "do not put all eggs in one basket" means that one shall maximize the possibility of becoming a better (player) lover until their ideal soulmate appears, and they give their all their best parts to them. Until so, why not multiplying chances for learning and gaining experience by approaching as many options as possible? It is their conscious choice to experience a love life with many people simultaneously until that ideal and final lover arrives. During the way, they claim that they have great chances to expose to different personalities and handle different aspects of dating life. Well, that strategy of finding the best basket to lay eggs can be totally justifiable to them, yet illogical in practice, to the other, because of two reasons.
First of all, unlike business, in love, your loss and profit may not just involve money but emotions and, above all, trust as well. To cultivate a relationship with someone, you need to spend time with them. And while you can pay effort to invest one aspect of your personality to suit your date, you will feel exhausted rather than charged up after that. You need to calculate your dating schedule more than a person with one person in mind at a time. People who invest in different "baskets" in the dating market are indeed either super-busy or unavailable and inflexible most of the time. Some days of the week, they need to hang on a glamorous woman/man where they can look deeply into his/her eyes and cite romantic poems in the moonlight. They indulge themselves in the feeling that they are the chasers and act like they can wear their hearts on their sleeve. For some other days, they may test other aspects of their life, being flirty and accepting another woman/man to please their needs (whatever the needs involve). In those scenes of love, they can act like an emperor or acting like a kid to be taken care of. The thing is, they know, though, whether they act like a social butterfly, a chaser or a controller, their energy in love may not be constant for a long time. While they think they can gain their knowledge about love to a certain extent, the spark of love is quite superficial and is more about the rational side rather than the emotional and empathetic side. It cannot survive critical times a loving couple shall face: emotional support, career turbulence, or even daily chores. Simply because from the beginning, the root and the foundation of love are based on quantity rather than quality.
Second, if they only need love for sharpening their social skills and validate their charm, or just for filling holes in their schedule to have the feelings of being in a relationship, when the goal (whatever it is) is achieved and when they do not see any benefits in the "basket" or the target lover, or when they are attracted by a more potentially profitable "basket," they say they outgrow the relationship and go like a wind. In those cases, what shall be reactions of their "options" or their lovers? Are they pleased that they are put on the scale of being evaluated with other "baskets"?
So the point is, you absolutely have freedom to choose your motive and your belief in a dating strategy, yet if so, there are two things to note. First, you shall be cautious and mindful of all the loss for yourself and for the involving parties if you make a decision. It is not fair that love is a marathon for you, and you want to be the winner by strategic investment in different potential lovers and dates, yet they do not see eye to eye with you about that. So, to what extent do you dare to confront with your loved one (or loved ones) about your choice or do you choose to lie when you date different people? If you think you are fine with your strategy of "putting your eggs in different baskets," don't be selfish and make it fair for your date(s) by telling them your stance. If they agree with your strategy, then that is a fair play. In short, if your answer is YES, list out your needs in a relationship, your cost if you play cards with more than one person at a time, and your responsibilities to ensure that it is not your hidden agenda but a fair play. It shows that you are a civilized lover, not a psycho.
2. Scenario 2: It is a NO.
Well, why can't it be a good (and healthy) advice for you? And so, if you tell me that if you disagree with the sentence, does it mean that you yourself will put 100% yourself in the one and only "basket" and lover/spouse you have?
Think twice. The metaphor can have a different aspect to delve into.
Maybe of all your "eggs," you can keep some for yourself. Invest in yourself. Make the profit for yourself and do not need to put in the (any) basket if you do not like.
"Do not put all eggs in one basket." Indeed, for some other people out there, love is not a goal or a must to obtain, to grasp, or to possess. Love is the sincere moment when you are amazed by a human being in front of you. Love is not an investment from one side to the other. It is a mutual respect and a side-by-side reflections. It is like each person puts one egg to the basket willingly. It is no need to debate whether you have eggs or have the basket. It is an orchestra of two people who contribute and harvest the benefits from the relationship itself.
Then, you will ask," what if I lose it all? I am so insecure that if I love him/her too much and so attached to him/her, I cannot let him/her go." That goes back to the previous point. Unlike business, love is a private connection from one heart and soul to another. It means that you do not need to always go look for an investment but still having profit for your own confidence and well-being. Instead, you have your own heart and soul to protect and treasure. You have your self (core) values which are, metaphorically, your eggs. In other people's eyes, they see those eggs and want to come to take a look, and right there, you are a beautiful basket for a potential investor. The message here is, you are what you think you are. In any cases, you have the power to turn all your experiences, whether they are memorable or nasty, into your lessons. In any cases, you have the power to claim your values without searching for comments from any lover(s). You have the capability firstly to benefit yourself and your confidence, and later, to share with your chosen date. And here, it implies that you opt for the depth of a relationship, so one may take all of your time in your schedule. And, maybe you are not the best social butterfly to catch everyone's heart, but surely you are the apple in one person's eyes who is deeply and truly captured by your energy, so that each of you is a treasure to keep.
So, ask yourself with more sub-questions when you say No to the statement: 1) What kinds of eggs do you wish to have and how to become of them?; 2) What kind of basket would deserve your eggs?; 3) If the basket is your chosen one, how could you turn your eggs to the golden ones?
If you read 'til this point, you must have seen your preferred stance on the issue. There is no crystal clear in a YES or a NO, yet there is always pros and cons, as well as the contextual conditions to justify your choice. The thing is, any extreme YES or NO to the claim will give you a result as a jack-in-the-box. Indeed, a safest card to play is to consciously know that love is not a concept that can be taken for granted, and it needs to be built on self-respect and mutual-respect to thrive no matter what. And so, any advice out there on dating apps or channels that promise turning you becoming "highly valued in the dating market" needs to be handled with caution and contextual analysis, because, in the end, nobody can alter you into a strategic and successful lover if you do not know YOU, knowing your own eggs and your basket you want to keep.