Do Not Get Married

Don't get married

Think you should get married? Probably not! Marriage is not just "hard" and you don't just have to "work at it" like everyone says. Marriage is hurtful, and painful. It's suffocating, and lackluster. It's boring and mundane. Marriage is betrayal and lonely at times. Marriage is full of tears, and half of them are from the hurt your "other half" has caused. If you think marriage is just something you have to "work at", do yourself a favor, don't get married. Your success is not determined by the "work" you put into it. I've seen couples put in all the work, do all the things, read all the books in order to save their marriage. Hours and hours of "couples counseling" and thousands of dollars on a "romantic trip for two" to that trendy new retreat....all to end up divorced a month after. You could turn your marriage into your full-time job, and work all the overtime in the world, and it wouldn't solve the problem. Because the secret is, FORGIVENESS doesn't come from hours of reading self help books. NON-JUDGEMENT doesn't come from your over priced marriage counselor. UNDERSTANDING doesn't come from a couples retreat with your new nearest and dearest facebook strangers you now call friends. The photos you take on that sandy beach will be focused on trying to act like all that "marriage work" is really working...but the truth will be written all over your face.....that it's not. That it's an act, a con, to keep yourself from realizing that you truly don't forgive, you don't understand, and you judge each other more harshly than anyone... a stranger who doesn't even "love them" like you will show more compassion. My 9th wedding anniversary was yesterday. And I sat and thought about all the horrible things my husband and I have done to one another. The pain we have caused to each other. And I sat and thought about the 9 years we have stuck together. Not because we had to, or for our daughter. It wasn't because we were obligated by religion or our faith or our families. We have been through addiction, betrayal, mental disease, physical disease, court battles, infertility, job losses, financial ruin, family disappointment, loss of a child, and countless other painful events. But you know what? Every hurt I went through was with him. Even the hurts he caused, he was still there. He understood me in my times of weakness, and forgave me in my times of betrayal. He never judged me by my faults but always upheld me to my successes. He never left. And neither did I. I forgave him when no one else would. I loved him when he was unlovable. I took care of him when he was sick, and I held his hand when he was alone. Marriage is the most painful thing I have ever experienced. But my God, that pain is powerful. And that power is how you know you are living. To not know LOVE and the powerful and sometimes so painful branches that grow from it, means that you'll never experience the power of the other side of that feeling. The passion, the excitement, laughter, and the silence. The perfect way your bodies fit next to each other. Or knowing every bump or freckle on the other's skin. You'll never feel the feeling that just one person on this Earth of 7.8 billion people truly UNDERSTANDS you at your deepest level... you'll never have the comfort of knowing you can tell them anything, or make mistakes, but yet you'll never be JUDGED or abandoned. You'll never be soothed to sleep by the FORGIVENESS you feel when you feel his hand grab yours after a night full of tears. The success of your marriage is built on those three words. Understanding, Forgiveness, and Non-judgment. You can't judge the other yet expect to not be judged yourself. You cannot understand him if you don't understand yourself. And vice versa. You cannot forgive her, if you do not forgive yourself for the same mistakes. You cannot fake it, you cannot work at it, and you cannot save it. Love is either forever, or never was. If you're truly being honest with yourself, you know deep down which one it is for you. And so does he. Start writing...