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Divorcing a Narcissistic Executive Psychopath With Anger Issues

by Aleeza 4 months ago in divorce
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Ground Zero

Divorcing a Narcissistic Executive Psychopath With Anger Issues
Photo by ABDALLA M on Unsplash

It took 24 years to get to this day.

~

24 years and 68 days to be exact.

~

24 years and 68 days of looking out.

24 years and 68 days of anxiety.

24 years and 68 days of fear.

24 years and 68 days of hopeless effort.

~

24 years and 68 days of holding your breath, moving slowly and carefully, speaking only softly and gently, listening for his hard footsteps, clinching at any sudden movement, bracing for the contact.

~

24 years and 68 days of rushing to please before you were punished, sacrificing health and comfort for any brief intermission in the anger, literally and figuratively tiptoeing around his home and moods trying not to set off a mine.

~

24 years and 68 days of anticipating every want, desire, need, fancy, trigger, change in mind, or game he will play in order to abundantly satisfy each immediately, or suffer the consequences.

~

24 years and 68 days of confusion, wondering what went wrong so fast, why you never seem to get it right, why you work so hard and try everything but to avail, why he married you if you were so bad, why you just aren’t good enough, what’s wrong with you.

~

24 years and 68 days of being told how you always fail, how any other woman would be happy in your place, how disrespectful and ungrateful you are, how you are always making poor decisions.

~

24 years and 68 days of learning and researching and paying attention, just to improve and keep improving, just trying to make him happy or content or at least not angry all the time.

~

24 years and 68 days of not having one place of safety, not one minute of peace, not one good memory, physically or emotionally.

~

24 years and 68 days of covering his behavior and protecting his reputation, smiling in public, sitting by his side, holding his hand, presenting a picture perfect family, in order to project the image he wanted others to see.

~

24 years and 68 days of looking how he wants you to look, saying the things he wants you to say, behaving in the ways he approves, doing the things that he wants you to do, how he wants them done, when he wants them done.

~

24 years and 68 days of watching him manipulate your relationship with your own children, observing how he is building barriers between you and your children, unable to protest or overcome, fearing the ultimate outcome.

~

24 years and 68 days of always smiling at him so he doesn’t get upset that you might not be completely happy, always keeping silent in order not to disturb or annoy him, always keeping a pleasant and happy disposition in an attempt to keep the atmosphere light and safe.

~

24 years and 68 days of working constantly (not only to supplement the allowance he gives you but also because he will get mad and call you lazy if you don’t); barely sleeping (2-3 hours most of those years in a feeble attempt to accomplish the tasks involved with his position and parenting and sexual expectations.)

~

24 years and 68 days of looking for and grasping at any hope, only wanting to see and believe the best, only to be repeatedly hurt and disappointed you fell for it again.

~

24 years and 68 days of being behind bars, except you are not in a jail or prison, you are being hunted, trapped, skinned, and fried, over and over and over, with no break to catch your breath or time to think or opportunity to escape.

~

Then one day, it comes.

divorce

About the author

Aleeza

Love to write. Love to connect. Love to learn. Love to observe. My writing is my bio. I am found in what I write, I am in the music that surrounds me, I am the reader in reflection.

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