Divorce Almost Broke Me

Why is breaking up a family such hard pill to swallow? I was living my dream; traveling the world singing with some of the worlds biggest acts. He was finally being recognized for the great producer I always knew he was. I wasn’t the perfect wife. I said some hurtful things. He did some things that I still have to deal with. Infidelities and mean words had become a part of our day to day. But through it all, I never thought it would come to this. For me, it wasn't just one thing. The puzzle had so many pieces. I spent three years, waiting on someone to just "figure it out.” At his request, I stayed, and we started looking for a new place together as a sort of fresh start, or so I thought. In the midst of it all, I found out I was two months pregnant, bringing our family to a nice even number of four. It wasn’t until moving day that I found out my six year old and I were the only ones moving into the new place. He didn’t want to live together anymore. He didn't love me anymore. And although it sounds cliché, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was suddenly on my own, pregnant, in a new place with everything in boxes, and no one to help me. That day I thought my marriage was over—I thought my life was over. But little did I know, I would stay in limbo for another year and a half.

I don't know why I was ok with it! Me having to put together the nursery with the help of friends. Me having to deal with women, attacking me on social media, and calling my phone all while I’m carrying his son. I chose to stay through it all. I thought that if I made him the most important thing in my life, he would do the same. But that’s not how it works. The more I tried to keep us together, the more he pulled away.

Three years later, a baby and a move, and I had finally come to terms with the fact that our marriage was over. There were so many negative things that were suppose to happen to my kids and I as a result of our separation. I’d been warned and told horror stories about them all. But my kids and I have been so blessed, and super okay. Though there were tears and low moments for me and my children, I discovered the process was just meant to be. The strength I didn’t know I had emerged. I found my oldest son's love for acting and art. I rediscovered love for myself. I have another beautiful baby boy.

All this makes me say... divorce is what you make it. I'm here to show you that things don't have to be so bad. There were positive thing's about you before marriage, and there will be positive things about you after marriage. I'd like to encourage you, give you ideas of things to do on a budget with your kids, help you find peace in your heart as it pertains to the feelings we deal with when someone leaves us. Remember you weren't left! You were set free! And then there were three!