Did We Break up Because Something’s Wrong with Me?

Who Should Be Blamed?

Whenever a relationship breaks up, we can’t help but wonder whose fault it was. It’s as though we could never find peace unless we can point out who really made the bigger mistake. Was it me? Or was it him?

If It’s Me

If it’s me, I could adjust myself, correct my annoying behavior, plead guilty before my partner and request that I be given a second chance to make the relationship work. And it will surely work this time, right?

Not so. It’s true that we can make certain changes in order to grow, but there are changes that won’t be good for us because seeking them would mean departing from who we really are.

For example, if the reason why your boyfriend doesn’t like you is that you couldn’t engage into sports as much as he does, the natural change you’d think about is to do just that, right? Even if you don’t really enjoy sports, you’d pretend that you do just to please him. Will that please him?

At first, we think that it could, it should! But after making all these changes, why isn’t he pleased? Maybe because he is able to sense that you’re not really enjoying that activity. Maybe because in trying to conform to everything he wants, you have lost your authenticity along the way — you have lost your own sense of self and the ability to give the gift of your true self.

For all you know, he really wants you to be happy and to be the best of who you really are. He just can’t see the both of you together, enjoying a life that would be best for you both.

There are certain books in the market today promising strategies on how you could quickly get your ex back by doing so and so, with the overall theme of changing into a person you don’t really want to be. Will you be happy if you could indeed have him back only because he thought you were someone else? Will you be content to always hide behind your mask and not be loved for who you really are?

If It’s Him

If it’s him, maybe we could find it easier to forget him. We could put all the blame on him, make him look bad in our minds, draw a scary caricature of his face and dump all the negative thoughts we could ever think of, right?

I wish I could say it were so. But putting all the blame in the other person keeps us from being responsible, from acknowledging our own mistakes, and from growing.

Blaming the other person entirely also gives us an excuse to try to save the relationship by forcing the other person to change.

If only you were more understanding.

If only you were more romantic.

If only you never gave me any reason to doubt your loyalty!

Instead of moving on, we may feel tempted to force the other person to try harder and do it our way.

It’s as though we’re saying, “Something’s wrong with you, and if you could only change, our relationship can still be saved.”

If You’re Both Wrong

There are many times when we have to look at both sides to see what went wrong in a relationship. It takes two people to work things out, and it takes two people to end a relationship.

If we could see what mistakes each one has made, then it would be easier to understand what really happened.

If None Of You Were Wrong

Though nobody’s really perfect, there are times when both parties have tried their best to make the relationship work. Things just didn’t turn out the way they wanted it to and they have to part ways (temporarily or permanently) in order to save what’s left in the relationship.

What are these things worth saving? Respect, trust, good memories, the healing fact that you have been loved.

More than blaming anybody, including yourself, what we need right now is the acknowledgment of things that have been done, of efforts exerted, of good intentions despite some shortcomings, and of a truthful assessment of the situation in order to do better in the future.

When Life Is Far From Perfect

We’re all hurting each other and judging each other. Yet, we’re all just yearning to be accepted and loved.

We’re all groping in the dark, stumbling and falling. We’re all just searching for a bit of light to see.

We walk around trying to appear good when we all feel guilty somewhat. We want to fool others with our masks when all we truly needed was that someone would see us for who we are.

We’re all a bit lost and a bit crazy and a bit lonely deep inside. Let’s not live as though we’re perfect. But let’s try not to pretend like we can’t use a bit of hope in a world where things always seem to fall apart.

You may also want to read Jocelyn's book "Mend My Broken Heart". Get it from Amazon today - click here.