Diamonds are forged under pressure

I was just looking through the past four years of my blog posts. All of those hard times I just had to write about, all of the devastation and dispare. I think when talking about things, you recall a particular event. Just one thing at a time that went wrong that almost broke you.

You never remember the countless times you proved you were strong.

Let me tell you my story.

I grew up in a small town in England with my Mom, Step-dad and step-brother. My father had left when I was a baby and I was told when I was seven that the man I called "dad" wasn't actually my biological relative.

I didn't realise at the time how much I looked like my actual farther and growing up, I know now that this always grated on my Step-dad. My parents were young, with my Mom being only 19 I don't think they knew how to cope with a child.

My Step-dad had a horrible temper and a sharp tongue and I often found myself falling victim to both. My eariliest memory was when I was about 5 years old. He had gotten a pair of shorts out for me to wear, they were aged 3-4 years and they didn't fit. He told me I was so fat I looked pregnant.

Throughout the years, I was held out of a second story window, I was shoved into my bedside table face first, given black eyes and bruised legs. It was bad.

Whenever I threatened to report him I was told no one would believe me anyway.

We went on holiday when I was 14 and I was raped. The man was 25 and he had been kind to me. This completely tore me apart. But he said what my step-dad had, if I told anyone no one would believe me and I would get into trouble.

My best friend commit suicide that same year and suddenly I had no one. I was completely alone in the world and in pain.

I made contact with my real father when I was sixteen and for a couple of years things seemed to settle.

I did my A-levels and got into a good university. I met a man who I loved dearly and things were finally beginning to turn around.

The weekend before I was due to start University, I was excited. I was looking forward to my new adventure. On the Saturday night I open my Facebook page and see lots of people posting "RIP" messages to my Dad. I remember thinking it must be some kind of joke.

I tried ringing his phone, I remember it going straight to voicemail and the panic beginning to set in. My aunt rang me then to break the news. My Dad had driven his car off a cliff. It was suicide.

In the time it took for those words to come out of her mouth, my world imploded. I didn't know what to say or do.

In a haze on Monday morning I made my way to the university. Everyone else was excited, laughing and chatting together. I was completely numb.

It took a month for me to drop out of university completely. Between the grief and the shock, I just couldn't cope.

Instead, I got a job and I worked. My partner and I started building a life in the aftermath of all of this tragedy.

In 2017 we had been trying for a baby for two years. We were referred to a fertility specialist and my world shattered again when I was given the news that I may never be able to have children.

In February, I took an overdose. My partner found me unconscious and forced me to empty my stomach. Thankfully, I survived and again began to heal.

In 2019 I was put on a medication that put me into the menopause, I was forced to accept that I would never have children. I took another overdose in June and was rushed to the hospital to have my stomach pumped. It was only through my brother and sister-in-law visiting unexpectedly that I was found.

That night they released me into the care of my husband.

We got home and I sat down on our bed. He came upstairs and decided that then was the opportune time to announce he had been having an affair and that he was leaving me.

Five months later she was pregnant and living the life I had envisioned for us.

How does anyone bounce back from that?

Well I did. The year after he left, I went back to university. I have now almost finished my degree. I met my partner this year and he is amazing, supportive and we have one of the healthiest relationships I have ever seen. We are both children from abusive backgrounds and we support each other.

Watch this space because I am coming back.