Deliverance

Being stood up is not the worst thing that can happen. This always brings up an array of emotions. First there is worry. You wonder if they are lost or if they got into an accident. After they do not immediately respond to your texts, you call them, they do not answer. Then comes anger, you immediately tell your friend, they tell you not to worry and that maybe they are just late. So then you are hopeful, for the next 15-20 minutes. After this time you turn in on yourself with doubt. You wonder if they met someone else, someone more attractive. You wonder if maybe you put on the excitement for the date too strong that you scared them off. After the first hour you get the message you refuse the desert menu the waiter offers and their pitied smiles. Once it has happened once or twice you get used to the stares as you walk out of a restaurant.

Being stood up is not as bad as going on a blind date with someone your friend chose. Your friend claims that you will get along great and that this could be your perfect match when really, it's just one of their boyfriend’s single friends. You are excited about the hype and attention your friend is giving this momentous arrangement, but when you meet your date it’s always quite obvious to why they are single in the first place. Either they are way too attached to their mom or video games are their life. You struggle to make conversation and at the end you wish you didn’t waste your good make up.

Going on a blind date set up by your friend is not as bad as going on a date that was your mother’s choice. Which just so happens to be her boss's son. We barely talked because we went out to catch the newest Marvel film, his choice of course. When the date was over I went in for a friendly goodbye hug and he went in for a kiss. He was half a foot shorter than me and he ended up kissing my boob. My mother could never really talk to her boss again on a personal level after they jumped the gun before the date and started making wedding arrangements in the elevator.

Before each date I tell myself not to get worked up just to be let down. After the first couple of times waiting for hours in a new dress picked out for the occasion, after going to the salon to style my hair and making myself as hairless as a naked mole rat. I started not making such a big fuss, wearing comfortable shoes, and styling my hair normally. After one of my horrendous dates I have made it a ritual to go to a book store and get the latest romance novel, then go to the grocery store to grab a bottle of Merlot. Trying not to look over done and be casual when I make my attempt to flirt with the produce guy or barista. I did get hit on by the cashier once, it was tempting, but I haven’t been desperate enough to switch teams yet. I do occasionally take advantage of this on Wednesdays to get a senior discount on my groceries. But tonight I didn’t want to go to the book store, to read another fictitious love life that I will never have. I did not want to pick myself back up. I did not want to tell myself that it is his loss, and dance in my living room listening to Cyndi Lauper. Tonight I just want to sit on my couch and watch old reruns of “Friends”. After a couple of episodes I searched through Grub Hub for a heavily carbohydrated meal, I found a delicious bowl of Gorgonzola mac and cheese to pair with my last bottle of Merlot. I have been dieting for the past couple of weeks, almost starving myself. I say I’m doing it to be healthier, but to be honest I’m trying to be attractive. I am not ugly, I am on the heavier side, both my parents are big so I am fighting nature at this point. My order said it will arrive in 30 minutes, I debated whether or not to get out of my sweatpants and oversized t-shirt with a stain on it but I decided against it and watched one more episode. By the time Ross was crying about having to give away Marcel the monkey my door bell rang. I jumped up and grabbed my wallet for the tip and opened the door to see a not so bad looking guy holding my food. I brushed my hair behind my ear, now embarrassed that I decided not to at least change my stained shirt. He smiled and handed me the bag, I gave him the tip and thanked him. I quickly shut the door before he could realize I wasn’t wearing a bra. That could have been why he was smiling. My cheeks turned red for a second but then I remembered that I would probably never see him again. I placed the mac and cheese on the counter and went to open up my bottle of wine to let it breathe and my doorbell rang again. I peeped out of the window and it was the Grub Hub driver but he was holding a smaller bag. I opened the door with one arm casually covering my chest this time.

He handed me the bag “ Almost forgot the bread sticks.” He smiled. He turned to walk away then he stopped and turned back towards me. “Can I use your bathroom?” He saw my reluctant look back at my house. “It’s okay, never mind.” He held his hands up in defense “Where is the nearest gas station? I didn’t see any on my way here.”

I pointed “When you get out of the neighborhood turn right, and three miles down the road is a QuikTrip.”

He tanked me but looked uneasy. I went back in the house and looked around then decided that it was ridiculous not to just let him use the bathroom. He was just turning out of the driveway then he saw my wave at him to come back.

Before he came in I stopped him and asked “You’re not a serial killer are you?”

He laughed “The Grub Hub app tracks my every move so it kind of puts a damper on that career path”. I smiled back and pointed to the guest bathroom. While he was in there I quickly picked up the living room, I didn’t want the stranger to think I was a slob. Then I remembered my stain on my shirt and stopped. He came out and pointed at the T.V.

“This episode always makes me cry, my sisters got me started on this show. Have you seen the episode where Ross is accidentally set up on a blind date with his sister Monica?”

I gasped surprised “Noooo, I haven’t seen that one!”

He laughed and brushed his hair out of his face “I’m just joking. That actually happened to me.”

“Nooo, that's terrible!” and started to laugh “And I thought I had it bad.”

He brushed his hair back and smiled apologetically realizing he just over shared with a stranger. “In my defense, my friend that arranged the date didn’t know, we have different last names.”

I wanted to make him feel at ease so I told him about an embarrassing first date I had that ended up with my shoes filled with throw up. He combated it with a story of a date that left with another guy after she got sick in his car. We went back and forth with horrible date memories for a while laughing and then we made a truce. I poured us both a small glass of the Merlot and made a toast. “To our next date, may they be our last”. He smiled and I helplessly smiled back.

He placed the glass down, “Well I should be going. It was nice to meet you….” He paused not knowing my name.

“Angela. It was nice meeting you too Daniel.” He was surprised I knew his and I waved the phone at him. Remembering now that the app tells the customer the driver’s name. He walked out the door and when he got to his car he paused for a moment.

“I’ll look out for your next order, maybe by the next time one of us will have a story to break the tie.” He shrugged.

“Maybe I’ll order for two next time.” I waved at him and watched him leave. Then I pulled out my phone and ordered another mac and cheese meal for delivery. Then went in to change for my date.