Deja and Her True North

Deja and Her True North

Deja Vu Bennett sat in Rockie’s Diner at 12:43am and knew she was in big trouble. She had gotten off work hours ago and ignored every increasingly irate text from Neil. Whenever she did finally go home, there would be hell to pay. But the booth she was in felt like a warm fuzzy blanket and the apple crisp was heavenly, so there she continued to sit.

Deja asked herself why was she playing with fire like this. It was unprecedented behavior from her considering how volatile her boyfriend Neil “Aint No Woman of Mine” Anderson was. Somehow the thought of a beating from him didn’t hold the same weight anymore. She removed the antique compass from her purse and lovingly caressed it. Her Nana recently passed away and the last thing she expected was to receive something, but a lawyer had contacted her and informed her that she was to receive a small bequeath. Also, her Nana had left her something else she specifically wanted her to have. Mr. Whitmore wouldn’t tell her what it was, stating that her Nana wanted it to be surprise. Deja remembered listening to the lawyer’s dry professional tone and thought to herself that as mundane as her life had become, a surprise would be nice.

A few weeks a later a package arrived, signature required. As she signed for it, Deja wondered what was inside. She remembered opening the box and when she removed its contents, she forgot how to breathe. In her hands was the most beautiful compass she had ever seen. It was pure sterling silver that had a gleam all its own, with red jewels inlaid in a beautifully intricate pattern on its surface. The compass glowed richly in the afternoon light of her dingy apartment. But what stopped her heart was when she opened it. Each point of the compass was accented with what couldn’t possibly be diamonds but the way they glittered; Deja suspected they were. Or maybe they were pieces of a star, they sparkled that brightly.

The Compass’s entire presence bespoke of grandeur and the finer things of life. Deja could not believe her Nana gave this to her. Her response to the compass threw her off completely. Her heart was beating fast and her mouth suddenly dry. She hadn’t responded this passionately to anything since the day she met Neil and it made her nervous. But that didn’t stop her from hiding it and the certified check so he wouldn’t find either. Later that night, when Neil was correcting her for some minor infraction, Deja knew she made the right decision.

As Deja sat in what she considered her booth, the memories of the last two weeks played through her mind. She managed to keep both her compass and money from Neil, which was a miracle. She knew if he ever got wind of it, he’d want to her sell it and use the money to score drugs. As hopelessly addicted as she was, she would never do that. Deja didn’t have words to explain the compass’s effect on her then and she certainly didn’t now. All she knew is when she held it in her hands, this feeling washed over her and she felt like a different person. When it was in her hands, she was a young woman who made all the right choices in life. She didn’t feel like a drug addicted nobody with her dead-end job and boyfriend who was far too free with the use of his fists. Holding that compass, she felt like a Lady with all her shit together, perhaps having tea and petit fours with her equally accomplished friends. She would imagine a life with no Neil to control her with his sex, his drug of choice and his damn hands. When she held that compass, Deja felt completely free.

She suddenly realized that it 1:37am. Neil was going to lose his mind when she came home. Strangely, she didn’t care. As she finished her second serving of apple crisp, she visualized the seedy one room studio she shared with him, with its dirty carpet, crooked blinds and peeling linoleum. It was such a cliché. Drug addicts living in a crappy apartment. And don’t forget the toilet that always ran. Oh yes, that loud ass toilet. Its all-night overtures had played the background for many a beating from Maestro Neil. She thought of his heaving angry face and wondered for the thousandth time since the compass arrived: How in the world did she end up here?

As Deja told the kind waitress, Miss Pam, no thank you to the question of more coffee, she thought of her Aunt Pauline in Seattle. She had been thinking of her a lot lately. Aunt Pauline always told her during their infrequent phone calls, that she had a room for her if she ever needed it. No fool was her Aunt Pauline. Suddenly Deja realized that right now was the perfect time to take her up on that offer. Against all odds, she still had the money her Nana had left and cashed the check just this morning before heading to work. There would be enough for a bus ticket and some left over to start anew. She didn’t worry too much about Neil. Once her got over her escaping his clutches, he’d find someone new to make miserable. Men like him always did.

Deja paid her tab and left a generous tip for Miss Pam, who always looked as tired as Deja sometimes felt. She mentally wished her well. As she gathered her belongings, she once again thought of Neil. He would never understand wanting more; he was accepting of what he considered his place in the grand scheme of things. Sad but true. Deja realized since the compass came into her life, she no longer was. She thought of going to some NA meetings once she was settled at her aunt’s and maybe taking some night classes. If she was lucky and willing to work hard, anything was possible for her.

As she walked out of Rockie’s Diner for last time – God, she was going to miss that apple crisp – she stopped briefly to open the compass, yet again. She was unsurprised to see the arrow point north in the direction of the bus station. As hope bloomed fervently inside her heart, Deja Vu Bennett walked in the direction of her true north and never once looked back.

The Beginning.