December 12, 2012

December 12, 2012 is the date I will never forget for as long as I live. It has been six years since the day and I still have nightmares. Alex and me had dated for six years; we were high school sweethearts. Two lovely daughters together and a lifetime of maturity. At eighteen, we had our first daughter; our aunt could not have children. Our way of life, at that point, was not secure enough for a baby; we chose adoption for her. Three years later our little girl, Emi, entered our world. She became our everything.

Alex and I had our difficulties, but we moved through them. We devoted all night sometimes talking through our dilemmas. We established an arrangement that served us both. We had trust issues; any young couple does. Jealousy being the specific obstacle. We were each other's only out-of-school relationship. We were our only experience.

He cheated on me with girls on-line doing nothing real with them. Alex looked at pictures from them and forward them his own. Compared to the cheating stories out there, these were minor. I was petty.

December 5, 2012 we agreed to let our thirteen-month-old daughter travel to Amarillo to visit her great grandma. I saw it as an excellent opportunity for us to get some "couple time." We managed this trip at least three times a year, not that long of a drive. Driving to grandma's town only took us four hours. We could break in Lubbock and have a small dinner date on the way back. As a couple we both enjoyed food.

We dined at our restaurant, "Chili's." We relaxed and chatted about our jobs. Alex and I were both employed full time to manage our apartment and our lifestyle. I worked days at the local grocery store and he was a night guard at the prison. Emi didn't need a babysitter because one of us was home with her. The first couple of days glows in my memory, we showered each other in love and tenderness. We gossiped and laughed like we were back in high school again. I saw the Alex that I had fallen in love with.

Alex is a gamer, he devotes a lot of his off time to playing. His guilty pleasure was social media. If he was not gaming, he talked to someone on-line about his current hard boss. While he did that I would go to my mom's or take a nap on the couch. I love sleep, so our little routine did not irritate me.

That day, he played Far Cry on his PlayStation and I was going checking my bank and see if my check deposited yet. He had used my laptop earlier and not logged out. I ran through his messages before we took our girl to Amarillo, and there had been nothing. I explored his messenger before I checked my account.

There she was, Desirae. I had complications with him communicating to her in the past and urged him to quit speaking to her. Alex informed me over and over she was no threat. He even told me he had ceased all contact with her. But her name and picture appeared in his in-box. Curiosity drew the best of me.

The messages destroyed me. They were talking mushy to each other calling each baby and sweetie. I saw red, but I carried on reading. Alex and Desirea were chatting about kissing one another. I realized I was tormenting myself but I kept snooping. It got worse. He described how miserable he was with me and how he settled with me because he required help with the bills. I had enough.

I closed the laptop and addressed him. I was livid and hurt. I reminded Alex that I had excused him for his past behavior. The trust broke just like my heart. He turned in my face shouting about the quarrels we have had. I shouldn't have but I shoved him.

He slapped me. Instinct was to fight back, defend myself. I raised my hand back at him. He jabbed me and I stumbled over our daughter's nap bed in the living room. Alex was on top of me. He remained on my chest has he front and back handed slapped me repeatedly. My arms were bound by his legs. Unable to breathe with his weight on my chest, I urged him to get off and let me leave. I kept struggling.

I released an arm and found enough strength to thrust him off of me. Before, I found my balance, Alex snatched me by my hair and dragged me out the front door. Locked me out of my apartment. I called my friend to come and bring me to my moms'. After that day I never looked back.

That date haunts me. First time for a man to lay hands on me; the end of a six year relationship. I drove to Amarillo with my grandma and when I returned to my home town; I moved into my apartment. Since that day we have lived separate lives.

I have not had a day as bad as that day. When the 5th of December rolls around, my entire mood will change. The events haunt me and the actions of that day have molded me. They shaped how I look for relationships, how I handle a man's anger, and how approach a conflict with someone.

December 5, 2012 #TheWorstDate