Death of Innocence

Excitement. One word and yet that was all my young body felt as I had been graduated for all of two weeks when you said you needed to speak to me. You were my best friend, the keeper of my secrets, my late night caller. I thought you were the one soul on this earth who would never hurt me. Oh how wrong I was. All was well at first we talked and laughed about some stupid stuff that had happened at work from me slipping on the ice in the back to you accidentally laying your hand on the burner. When you said lets watch a movie and put on Bad Moms. The movie was hilarious and you had me laughing as you would occasionally tickle me side or hold my hand which I allowed.

The hand holding moved to kissing which I was fine with my naive little heart had no idea where this would lead nor did I know how cruel you truly were. The act you had put on for me was the greatest I had ever seen, you were the greatest actor of all time. You pulled me until I was practically underneath you and started feeling my breasts through my shirt.

I wiggled uncomfortably but couldn't say stop as your mouth was attached to my own never letting up. The kiss went from sweet to harsh and demanding faster then I could have blinked and you roughly laid my body down and when the couch wasn't enough carried me to your room. The look in your eyes killed any hope I had of defiance as it was one I had seen before the look that was given to me before I was hit.

I couldn't handle being hit by you but you did worse. Your touch burned like liquid flame, your looks scorched my soul and your fire killed my own. You stole everything from me. You took everything I had ever hoped to be and everything I was becoming and crushed it within the span of an hour. With every thrust you destroyed my soul.

My once bright light diminished on that mattress that laid cruelly on the ground. My self esteem shattered and irreparable. My dreams and aspirations died and so did a majority of me. I tried rolling away, tried laying on my hands, tried everything but my voice would not work. My thoughts of one day being able to give my future husband my everything were annihilated.

The glory and freedom I had felt now felt like they were choking me. With your massive hands and too rough body I let myself shatter I gave myself over to my mind. Let it take me away until you were done and you cruelly got off and shoved me towards the bathroom telling me to "clean myself up" as I had managed to bleed everywhere. On that day I learned the difference between a man and a boy and I learned that I could truly trust no one.

You left my life as unexpectedly as you were brought into and left me a sliver of who I was. But today I am better. I am strong, I now know how to love. I no longer fear men. I no longer have the capacity to keep my mouth closed nor do I know when to back down now. So thank you for killing my innocence and destroying my trust. You helped shape me into the weapon I am today and I visit the grave of my innocence once a year and on that day every year I send up a prayer thanking you for demolishing me in every way so I could rebuild myself after two years into the woman I had never even dreamed I could have been.