Dear Friend Stuck in a Relationship but Won't Leave

I think we’ve all either been there or know someone who has been in a bad relationship for way too long. And as the best friend, you always have to be the shoulder to cry on, there to listen, to give advice only for it to go in one ear and out the other, and to see them make up within a week. Hearing repeatedly the, “I swear it’s REALLY, REALLY over this time. I can’t keep living my life like this.”

You know it’s not really, but still, you have to be there for them since that’s your friend.

Well, to the friend that keeps doing this...

It gets old. Not right away, but after years. It gets old seeing the person you love continuing to make terrible decisions. To see you put up with being treated less than what you deserve, because for some reason you feel you can’t do better.

To hear your fears of being alone forever, when you haven’t even tried to be single. As your friend, it is terrible seeing you spend YEARS held back in life. Changing, only for the worse. Being sad or angry majority of the time, and when you do call, it’s only to complain about how miserable you are in your relationship. You choose this person who is “making you go crazy”, over everything and everybody else. Even after everything they’ve put you through, you will still defend them over your family, your friends. This friendship has become one-sided.

I want you back. Not even as a friend, but to see you back to who you were; happy, and to accomplish all the goals you once had. Not to waste the best years of your life and later say, I never got to experience life. I want you to be happy with yourself rather than relying on your happiness on your relationship status. If it was true love, you wouldn’t feel awful 90% of the time.

“Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”-Albert Einstein

Not only have I been the best friend, but I have been on the opposite end. 6 years staying with someone who was no good for me. I lost a lot of my friends and could never make any new ones because of my dysfunctional relationship. I understand when you say it’s really, really over this time, because you're not just telling me to be there, you want to convince yourself.

I could never better myself when I was in that relationship because I was always concerned on why I couldn’t make my significant other love me, why I couldn’t make the relationship work, what was wrong with me.

I realized, though, it wasn’t me, just like it is never you. You can’t make somebody love you, especially if you don’t love yourself enough to have a chance at happiness. You know you’re miserable now and will always be miserable if you stay. Being alone will hurt, but not as much as having someone repeatedly hurt you in your relationship and you know it’s going to happen.

As the friend who's been there for every, “break up,” I want to still be there, but to be honest, I’ve stopped caring the 3rd year in, when you call about the same issues and I tell you the same thing and you never do anything different.

I can’t tell you to leave, and be the bad guy when you both are good. And now I am the friend your significant other hates because I agree with you when you say they are being a dick. Or I go out with you when you say you need a girls' night on the town because you're single for one night and really need me.

So with knowing love, friendship, and any relationship is a 2-way street. I have to leave this friendship for my sanity. It truly hurts seeing you like this and I can’t continue watching someone I love continue to go downhill while nothing I say or do can help.

I hope one day you REALLY, REALLY are done. That you stop living your life like this because you realize your worth. I hope you understand later on and that day I will be waiting to truly show you, you will be okay.