Dear Estranged

Dear Estranged loved ones,

As much as it pains me to talk about it, I have cried too many tears that I feel the life has been taken right out of my eyes. You treated me differently and judged me in my times of need. However, all is not only forgiven, but I would like to express my gratitude.

You taught that although I am different, even referring to me as an animal, I learnt my purpose is to be different to make a difference. I am no stranger to be that one awkward individual to do acts of kindness or to be patient to others with disabilities who can not communicate directly. You taught me to have empathy and while I often struggle with boundaries with it, I know I have impacted people.

Mom, I know you were not accepted by your family for being born a girl. Trauma seeps down. I understand you felt resentment to me, that you needed your punching bag as my dad often blamed you for things you couldn't control. It is all forgiven and while I do not forget, I hold no grudges.

Dad, I know I never fully acted like a "normal" person. I will never be "normal". I thank you for wishing I could be, for that in itself means you saw me as your own. I love you dad.

Siblings, no hard feeling for your bullying me and making my anxiety worse. Please though, if you have kids, don't do this to them.

One thing I never am is bored. I can stare at the wall for hours on end processing my trauma. So the hidden demons you left me with will be constant reminders.

I know that all the good I have from you, I know that when it is time to leave the world behind our energies will meet. I will always cherish the fact that you all worked hard all your life feeling it was our duty and not for being rewarded with a higher pay or promotion. I thank you for getting me to deliver papers at age ten and how you refused to allow me to pocket the money I made but rather invested it into education. Education lasts a lifetime while material goods get left behind somewhere on the go. I sometimes look at the stars and think I see you looking back. I thank you for when I was twelve and won a math contest and a sum of nearly one grand you still denied allowing me to buy a Nintendo 64. I thank you for this because now decades later I cherish my gaming systems more.

I know I struggle to thank you for setting a 6 pm curfew even when in summer it was bright outside. I know deep in my heart it was a control mechanism as you would not do that to my siblings but I also understand the love behind it. You often put me down, and I realize it was so I would not become arrogant. Thank you for this.

I know we were not poor nor close to poverty line, yet we were deprived. This taught me to take good care of things I owned. Look at my prized possession-my teddy fox, Renard, who turned 32 this year. He is in perfect shape as though he was only a year old. My PSP is still working great after having it for nearly 18 years. You taught me how to take care of my belongings. I will always love you no matter ow far away I am.

God Bless,

Sid.