Dealing with Heartbreak - A year on

These days, as a man, it is becoming less of a spectacle to open up and talk about the way we feel and what is inside our heads. Although the feeling of nerves and doubt are definitely still present, it is easier than it was maybe 10 years ago.

Being over 20 years old, I don't remember being exposed to real male heartbreak until the launch of TikTok. Since then I have witnessed so many men, some my age, some younger and some a lot older open up about their experience of heartbreak, their individual stories, through TikTok. In modern society with suicide numbers rising every year, there is a need for people of all ages to become more open and seek help dealing with their struggles. So, this is my experience and some ways that I managed to get my head together and try to move on.

Accepting the shitty situation

True heartbreak will be one of the hardest things you ever have to get through, it will leave you feeling empty, with no ambition and it will cloud every decision you make. The first step is to accept your situation. Don't convince yourself that the relationship will have another chance, as hard as that is, it will only end in prolonging your pain. The quicker you accept that the relationship is finished and come to terms with the reasons behind it, the quicker you can allow yourself permission to grieve and start to heal.

Seek help

This sounds very obvious but in the situation, it is harder than you think. Talk to people, let them know what you need, explain the situation to your loved ones so they know how to help, whether that be your family, your friends or a close work colleague. Talking to someone close to you can make a bad day better and give you some hope for the coming months, you might also find that someone you know has been through the same thing and can give you some pointers.

Occupy yourself/your mind

A massive step is also to find things you love to take your mind off the situation. There are obviously certain times that you are going to be left alone with your mind and those moments can be a struggle, but try and fill your free time with activities. Since I came out of a 5-year relationship I had to find ways to occupy my days, the best thing you can do is find a passion and put your energy into that. I chose to reconnect with friends and family that I had neglected for some time.

Form good habits

During heartbreak, you will probably be tempted to let some aspects of your life slip, whether that be personal hygiene, your daily routine or your general mental health. So, try and form good habits straight away, especially on days where you haven't got a lot on. This could be small things like getting up and making your bed, making sure to stay clean and fill your days so you don't let your mind wander. It could bigger things like imagining yourself being with other people. Making these habits can help bring some normality back into your daily life.

Finally...

Be kind to yourself, don't invalidate your emotions but remember that these emotions are not permanent, they are only a temporary setback. Take all of this at your own pace and do not let anyone tell you how you should be feeling or that you should be "okay by now", everyone's experience is different and everyone heals at different speeds. I firmly believe that every person has the "one" so allow yourself to go out and meet new people, when the time is right you will find them.