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Dealing With Betrayal

When your friends become your enemies, how should you respond?

By Timi RobinsonPublished 2 years ago 4 min read
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Image by Charl Folscher from Unsplash

I had a good friend once. A friend I grew up with. There was even a time I considered him to be one of my closest friends. Out of everybody I knew, he was someone I held a great deal of respect for, and I always believed he felt the same. That is, until a few weeks ago.

Like most childhood friends, the older we got, the further we drifted from one another. We went to different universities and, until this point, had not spoken in almost two years.

Recently, he reached out asking me for financial help and seemed desperate. What I thought was a good friend reaching out in a time of need, turned out to be an attempt to use me for a scamming opportunity. He used our friendship as an excuse to take advantage of my generous nature. He had betrayed my trust and put me at serious risk.

Image by Cytonn Photography from Unsplash

I was hurt when I found out. As time went on I began to feel angry and frustrated. Even now, as I type out this story, I feel my anger intensifying at the thought of it. This was supposed to be someone I cared for and someone I thought cared for me. I felt like such an idiot. How could I let someone do this to me?

I was waiting for an apology. I wanted him to come to his senses and profusely ask for forgiveness for his wrongdoings. But that day never came. Instead, he never spoke to me again as I watched him continue to live his best life on social media. To him, it was like it had never happened.

Betrayal of trust is not just limited to a friendship. Sooner or later, all of us will experience some form of deception from those we love. It happens in our relationships. In our family. At work or at school. It doesn’t even have to occur often for it to become almost impossible to trust anyone’s word again.

Image by Marcos Paulo Padro from Unsplash

The common response is to confront them. To let them know how much they hurt you, so they can truly feel the pain they have passed on. But what good does that really do? The anger and sadness you feel will likely not dissipate. And if you do manage to get an apology, would it be genuine?

When people reach a place where they are ready to betray and potentially harm you, they have already come to terms with their actions. Most of them will likely not lose any sleep about it. They’ll go on about their day, probably forgetting what had happened.

So what do we do now? We’re just meant to forgive and forget? This whole experience has taught me something important. No matter how hard you try, you cannot control other people’s actions towards you. The only thing that is under your control is your response to what has happened to you.

That does not necessarily mean to “forgive and forget”, but rather allowing yourself the chance to move on. To understand that you don’t have to sit with these emotions anymore. To know that it’s okay to let go.

Image by Yuvraj Singh from Unsplash

I wish I was on the other side of this, relaying all the ways I was successful in doing so. But I would be lying. I still feel the emotions and I still feel hurt. However, I believe forgiveness is further down the line but I am not there yet.

For me, forgiveness is a crucial step in letting it all go. It means finally coming to terms with what has happened, refusing to let this grudge cling to me for the rest of my life. Not to absolve the person’s wrongdoings, but to offer peace so that I can move on.

Maybe you’re not there either and that’s okay, you don’t have to be. Self-awareness in these situations is crucial. Understanding how you feel and why you feel that way is a good way to gain a different perspective.

A very good therapist told me that feelings like anger and rage are secondary emotions. An emotion that is fueled by another. What’s behind your outrage? A true understanding of your feelings is an important step in deciding how you want to move forward.

“The best revenge is to not do as they do”

-Marcus Aurelius

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About the Creator

Timi Robinson

Just a university student going through the motions and trying to help others going through it as well.

Check out more of my work on Medium! https://medium.com/@timirobinson34

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