Daydreaming of Eternity

I sit in my chair reading her text messages. Is it butterflies? Is it hunger? I am not sure. I met her on a dating app and she seems amazing. I am actually a little nervous to meet her. What if she doesn’t like me? What if meeting me ruins what we have built so far?

I would love to make the perfect night out with her. What would I wear?

I imagine myself greeting her and she being nervous, but giving me an awkward hug anyway. We walk inside together, at a comfortable distance. An outsider would be able to tell we were dining together, but also not know what capacity we shared. Friends? Siblings? Colleagues? Dating? That was an unknown to the outside world.

Sitting down at our table together, the awkwardness continues. Taking a sip of water, trying not to gulp too largely, breaking off small pieces of bread and chewing them more than usual. Trying not to talk with food or drink in our mouths, nor make any sort of mess that may make our date think lesser of one another.

It starts off like an interview, which essentially it is. Except both parties are on trial, in the hot seat. Palms are sweaty. Nervousness creeps into your voice regardless of how well prepared you felt walking in. There is no actual knowing how it will go.

Ordering food and drinks. Is she judging me for what I order? Will she think less of me for enjoying a fat greasy burger? Will she think less of me if I go with a chicken salad? Would she think less of me for ordering an alcoholic beverage? Or not ordering an alcoholic beverage? It is like an awkward game of chess, where the next move can be critical, but you are not sure if you will lose a pawn or a queen by making the wrong one.

Then after a few glasses of merlot and great conversation she smiles at me with big brown eyes. Her pupils, dilated, which is always a good sign. I tell her a dumb joke, she laughs and her hand touches mine, ever so slightly and lingers a moment. Also a good sign.

Our date lasts for a couple of hours. We walk with each other, hand in hand on the way to her car for the evening. It is magical. I feel so comfortable and enjoying my evening, not wanting it to end. I know that it has to, it was time to go home.

As we reach her car we face each other and smile. She looks up at me, slightly because we are not much different in height. I look into her eyes and my heart melts. At that moment I am entranced. Her pupils are still dilated and she bites her bottom lip ever so slightly. I put my arms around her waist, pulling her a little closer. She puts her arms around my neck, holding onto me so delicately. I lean in and my heart is pounding, I can taste her perfume as it enters my nostrils. Her lips are parting, slightly and trembling. As my lips touch hers, she breathes in and pushes her lips onto mine harder. Pulling each other closer, in embrace, I imagine my life with her. I imagine many dates, a house, kids, and a dog. I imagine growing old and sitting on the porch together watching the young people starting their life outside. I imagine forever. I imagine eternity.

Then pulling my lips away, I sit in my chair deep in thought. How do I reply to this text message? What do I say to make this dream of mine come true?