Dating in 2020

Dating in 2020 is nothing less than a monopoly of dating apps ready and waiting to show you who is the next person you are going to spend some personal time with. If you know what I mean. the days of going out and meeting someone in a bar or a club are now 2nd in line as your mobile is always with you and gives you access to these apps. Dating apps, sex only apps, women talk first apps, uniform workers only apps even church apps the list goes on and on....

Where do you fit in to all of this? Do you know what you are looking for? Dating only, Serious, Marriage, kids or just dinner? It's hard to say at first until you see someone you like. You could match with a great person that seems like you will get along and you want to see where it could go. That just went from dating to relationship if all goes well. Or you match with someone that looks like god sent them to you, someone you never even pictured in your mind but once you saw them your jaw dropped and your heart started to pump faster. But they wouldn't want you right!? they are too perfect. But they respond to your swipe, they like the things you like, they suggest things you used to love doing before you told them about it. That's it you are sold, your family will love them, your friends will be happy and your ex will be burning in hell, sorry inside, burning inside. That cenario just went from browsing for a date with maybe dinner to a possibility of moving in together.

So What Do You Do On The First Date?

Take it easy, so easy. Just know that psychiatrists say that a person can only fake who they really are for 3 to 4 months then you will see who they really are. So if you really want to make an investment in someone then just be yourself and analyze the situation and the person that you are meeting. Arrange a place to meet, agree on who's buying and what time. If you get a chance to agree who is buying you are cutting out 90% of what could go wrong at the end of the date. Sometimes a man would pay, sometimes a woman would pay , sometimes a woman would offer to pay but the man insists that he will pay or the safest way to go is to split the bill. Men get hung up on buying dinner and not hearing from a woman again and this does happen all to often and also feel that they are owed something for fitting the bill. But to totally cut that out if you split the bill you have both shown your appreciation for each others time and company and if you do not see each other again there should be no hard feelings. It's true some men just want to get a women into bed but you must realise that this is a human instinct and some women feel the exact same way about men and dinner is just a way to make it a bit more classy. This is a perfect example to firstly always know what you want from a date and also ask the other person what the date night schedule would be.

On the night you meet ask open questions, ones that don't require a yes or no answer that start with Who, What, When & Why you should be getting a sentence or two from the answer and then see what relates to you or what you can see yourself dealing with in the future. This is ofcourse if you are looking for a future with this person. Then answer the question yourself so that they do not feel like its a police interview. Don't get this wrong it IS an interview but not a police one. But always remember to be relaxed. If you feel a little nervous then say so there is nothing wrong with being honest about the way you feel, remember you can't mess this up by just being yourself they have come to see you and the person you are and if they make you nervous they should take it as a compliment that they have that effect on you.

If you feel the need to google someone then go ahead there is nothing wrong with that I mean what have they got to hide right? Just don't take it to far like that guy from the Netflix program 'You' that is not who you are. Get to know the person best you can before you make any serious decisions about your future with or without them.

I would love to say talk everyday, text a lot, say good morning, say goodnight send videos and voice note's and video call. But to be honest that is not for everyone and some people will see that as a turn off. The best thing to do is just ask. Just ask them what they prefer or what they normally do but then also tell them what you would like to do eg 'I will probably text you everyday till I see you again, if it gets to much just let me know.' If that is the person you are then that is the person you are. Of course you can compromise but always just be yourself. The reason why it is so important to be yourself is that it cuts out a huge amount of stress from any relationship on any level. The moment you have to act or play up to please someone else in a relationship is the same moment that the relationship is doomed. Do remember that if you met on a dating app you are probably 1 out of 20, 60, maybe 100 other people that are texting or talking to this person right now. Yes it's great that they are talking to you but after the 1st, 3rd or 5th date they maybe still talking to someone else. This is the reality of what dating is like in 2020. You may think that if you do not play the part you will not get another person like the one that you have but I can tell you now the type of person that you want in your teenage years you would not want in your 20's and the type of person you want in your 20' you will probably not want in your 30's and so on. If you are lucky enough to find someone early in life that wants you for you that you are truly blessed. If you haven't as of yet then do not settle for less.

Once the communication guidelines are set you should then have the space and time to move onto bigger and better things that you both would like to plan with each other.

After the first conversation you should be in a position to see whether you are dealing with a man or a boy or if you are dealing with a woman or a girl. These are in conjunction with mindsets. Make sure that you find what you are looking for the right person will respond to you, they will like the way you look, they will be happy with the person you are. If you have the time write down what you want but also write down what you have to offer. This will give you a realistic overview of what to expect but also what you will not put up with. This will set in motion what you liked from a partner in the past and what you can give. When you write it down it may sound silly but it's what you want and in reality that should be the best thing for you.

- G Hylton