dating a rape or sexual assault survivor

There's so much stigma and misconceptions around dating anyone who is a me too survivor. In this article I will be putting in my advice in with the advice from experts.

The first thing that you need to realize is that a small amount of people lie about being a victim. So if they tell you this it's the truth and it's not for attention. They're telling you this because in case there is anything that comes up like a trigger.

Listen to us and just be there. While we are on the topic let them tell their story on their own time. You don't have to say anything accept something like "I'm sorry this happen to you this sucks" It took me at least a few months to tell my latest boyfriend the story. Communication is so important through this.

Also pack your patience. Trust will be hard for us and so will intimacy. Physical and emotional intimacy could be hard for the survivor. We want sex and we want to be close to people it just has to happen on our time. Don't push us or we will run or shut down. Make consent the most important thing and don't rush sex. Let them get comfortable with their body before sex happens. Respect what we need and want. Let them set boundaries. Sex should be taken slow and maybe let them initiate it the first few times.

This one I know a lot of you will blow off. Learn about trauma and what they are going through. You may not understand it but it will benefit both of you and the relationship. The more you know and the more you can try to understand it the better it will be. Every person is different so talk to them about what they went through.

Celebrate progress and recovery. Each time we heal it's a huge thing. If they stop crying over something celebrate that. It may not be a big thing for you but it's a big thing for us. Also realize then can go backwards in healing this doesn't happen often but it can happen.

If they want to plan a date or take control of a situation let them. We want to feel like we are in control of something. What happened to us and the aftermath feels so out of control that we may need to take control of certain situations in our relationships or life.

Encourage them to do safety checks with you or someone else. Have them check in with someone when they go somewhere. It make seem like something that you would do for anyone but safety is extra important for a survivor.

Know negative emotions are temporary. We may get mad, moody or needy. We may also lash out. Just remember and know these things are just temporary and it's not you, it's us. What happened to us is unfair and we just need understanding.

Do not victim blame. This a huge one. Saying things like "did this really happen?" is not helpful. What we were wearing, how drunk we were and where we were isn't important. Saying we were asking for it isn't cool if you can't be nice and not victim blame then don't date us.

I hope this helps. I have gone through this and actually have been broken up with over it. You can do this easily and safely. Just don't be a jerk and follow this advice and it will be good.