It all started out on Tinder. I didn't find him one bit attractive but somehow we matched. We talked for a week or so and one night I was lonely and bored so I asked him if he wanted to hang out. He said sure and so after he got off of work I made my way over to his apartment. I parked, started walking towards his apartment and there I saw him standing at the bottom of the stairs. At that moment all I could think while looking at him was, "Just turn around and go home. His pictures do him too much justice! You are seriously not interested!" But I thought that would be rude. I reached him and instantly said hi and he replied with a hello and a very awkwardly robotic hug. We began up the stairs to the apartment while he's talking to me I was thinking, "It's not too late to run down the stairs to your car." But my thoughtfulness for other's feelings thought it was still too rude so I followed him all the way to his door. The real horror lied behind that white wooden door. He turned the knob and in we went. There were newspapers on the floor, random stuff all over the floor, heaps of randomocity everywhere and food from 3 weeks ago, or so it looked, on the coffee table. He gestured for me to sit on the couch and I hesitated because I mean ew. He hands me the remote and tells me to pick what my heart desired to watch while he changed out his work clothes. I flipped through and found a decent show to watch, Wild N Out. He comes back and sits next to me but we don't touch.
I look at his face and all I could think was "Oh my goodness he looks like a leprechaun," He starts talking about work and the show we were watching while I was trying to be nice and reply as much as possible. Next thing I know he puts his arm around me and pulls me close to his body. In my head I was saying "No no no no no! Not happening," but my body couldn't move while my head refused to rest on his man boob. He pushed my head down on his man boob and the second he let go of my head, it popped right back up. After a minute he lets me go and I return to a sitting position. Then while touching my workout clothes he asks,"Aren't you glad you decided to come here instead of going to the gym?"and I replied "Nahh haha." He thought I was being funny. Next thing I know he's telling me about how he doesn't work out and all the food he eats goes to his belly. Then he asked me if I wanted to feel his belly. I declined and he took that as "Oh she just needs help" so he begins to take my hand, places it on his stomach and begins to rub his Santa belly with my hand. Saying I puked in my mouth is putting it nicely.
Then he looks at me and goes in for a kiss, grabbing my face. After that cringeworthy kiss my mouth was covered in his saliva and somehow it got into my mouth. After he pulled away there was a line of spit connecting us and he said "Oh oops I guess I'm a bit messy." At this point I'm wiping my face in full fledged disgust. Next thing I know his hand is inching into my pants and I move it away. My legs at this point are crossed hoping he catches the very obvious hint of "hell no." Big shocker, he doesn't. By his 3rd attempt his hand was in my pants and I was done for. We ended doing the deed and it was the worst 15 seconds of my life. Afterwards he walked me to my car while trying to hold my hand and I practically had to forcefully pull my hand out of his. I turned around to say bye and he met me with a kiss. I went home regretting every decision I made leading up to my going over. The next day he texts me saying he would like to hang out again and I replied "I think it'll be best if we went our separate ways" and he agreed. I would love to say he never talked to me again but sadly can't. That story is for another time because it sure is one to read.