Date #1: The Dentist

I'm embarrassed that I use dating apps. I know it's now common to meet someone after swiping through a profile and sharing a few basic facts with each other through messages, but I would far rather people the old fashioned way. Whatever that is... at a Bar? Grocery store? Work?

I was swiping through Bumble while watching Sex and the City and I matched with a semi-attractive guy who on paper sounded great. He was from Colorado, lived in Utah growing up, and moved here for school. He had traveled the world and worked as an Engineer previously, but decided he wanted a change and took up Dentistry here.

We talked on and off throughout the week sharing very impersonal details about our lives. He eventually asked me out for coffee and I thought, "Why not?"

He seemed interesting so I figured even if he wasn't exactly what I go for physically, the mental stimulation may be worth it.

I was 15 minutes early for the date. I walked there from my house and it was so cold outside that I was basically running. I first sat at the only available table for two which was right in front of the door. I sat with my back facing the door for some reason, so I wouldn't even know when he'd walk in. It was also freezing every time someone opened the door. I immediately regretted sitting there. I ordered a coffee and kept a look out for a better seat to become available. Thankfully, a few friends sitting by the window left and I jacked their seat. While I waited, I gazed around the room to judge if anyone else was meeting or had just met a stranger from their cell phone screen. I think I was the only one there wasting their Sunday afternoon like this.

When he arrived and sat beside me, I acted excited to meet him. He ordered a latte and expected the barista to deliver it to him, rather than standing at the counter and waiting for it.

Our conversation started the same way most do: About the weather. Over the next few hours I learned a lot about him. He really enjoyed Dentistry. He's travelled all over Europe and some of Asia. His sister was on the TV show Sister Wives. He once had radioactive material come in contact with his pants.

I don't think I talked much, which is odd for me. I mostly listened. He had a lot to say and honestly, it was all very interesting. I felt like the stories I had were quite lame in comparison, but I also knew the entire time I was there that I didn't want to see him again. The whole vibe was not what I was looking for.

Planning the escape can sometimes be difficult, but I always take an honest approach. I first complained that I was hungry, to which he replied we could go grab some food together. I told him I had to go home to eat because I had meat thawing on the counter. In fact, my meat had been sitting on the counter all day and I really had to get home to it before it spoiled.

I left and never saw him again. I ate steak stir fry for dinner.