Dangerously Desperate

Every person desires to find the keys that unlock the doors of love. What if I told you the problem is not in the desire itself, but in the means you use to gain it? For instance.. a girl might change her outfit to look prettier for a guy she likes, or a guy might wear a certain cologne to impress a girl he likes. All these methods we take to find true love are games we play; gambling if you will. We gamble to see if they will be intrigued or repelled. We lay it all on the line. Sometimes we lay too much on the line and sometimes too little.

In the beginning, we usually try and take it slower, dip our toes in the water, and hope for the best. Other times we spill our guts like there’s just no stopping us now. The thing about dating or flirting is that it’s all a game; a game to see not if the other one person could perhaps be the answer to our prayers, but rather the solution for winning a game. It’s all about who wins, and in the game of flirting there’s always a loser; someone who puts themselves out there through undertones and innuendos, and eventually their spirits are crushed because it’s not reciprocated.

The biggest game we play, however, is with ourselves. We set up our teammates (friends and family), our weapons of defense, and our moves- to the left or to the right, or maybe to the side. We can move freely as we please to intrigue the other person, but one wrong move could cost a lot. The issue here is that we are so mesmerized by the game we forget not only who the other person really is, but who we are.

We justify it all saying it’s innocent flirtation, but our minds are fixated on winning; winning the other person over, winning the drawn out monopoly game of feelings, winning the battle over our insecurities. We set up dreams and money, time and effort, open our hearts only to be let down, and in the end all they have to say is they’re too busy, but they wanna stay friends. Instead of owning up to feelings, we bow down to insecurity and uncertainty based on past experiences. Then we go home and cry, watch The Notebook, and wonder why in the world we’re still single. It’s because other people see love as a game to play, or a trophy to win, not a privilege to bear.

I myself have never been in love, but I can say I would never wish to lose myself by changing who I am to fit the other person’s expectations. I am who I am, and I do not hope to change that very much. Yes of course I want to be a better person, but maybe that means taking a step back from the dating world to evaluate how I love myself. Maybe I need to learn to love myself first, before I can even begin to love someone else.

Moral of the story is: yes go and look for someone, but first go and look for yourself, because if you don’t, you will find that person, but lose yourself in the process; which is a far greater loss.