Curiosity killed more than the cat

Ever found yourself drawn to the most unlikely of people? No, me neither. Until I was ...and the novelty was so overwhelmingly enjoyable I jumped right in there with both feet. And my head... and a little bit of my heart.

PUZZLE

I’ve spent the last half decade trying to understand why I was led by tricksy chemistry to a friendship that was more limerence than good old fashioned mateship.... BUT was enough of a friendship for me to think that, once I had got past the stupid deceptive distracting crush. ... I’d be attending this guy’s wedding and he’d be someone I’d always know. Only as it turned out that’s not what happened.

DESTRUCTION

What happened probably couldn’t have been any worse if both parties were actually HELLBENT on destruction. What with the unfair accusations, demeaning language and the threats ..to name but some of the friendship eliminating behaviours... and for my part the realisation that misunderstandings had got so enormous the amount of energy it would have taken to clarify things, while preserving both their and my own feelings ....it was easier, more cowardly possibly, but easier if nothing further was said... At all. Ever. My mother brought me up to never say anything if you could not say something nice... and what I had to say, if I’d bothered to say it, wasn’t exactly “not nice” but it wasn’t “do as you would be done by” either. I had to try and explain that I had to be practical and that I’d reached the reluctant conclusion that without our other team members and our group activities to keep things bowling along, this was going to dwindle to an acquaintanceship . One that was rarely if ever activated, beyond Facebook and really who cares about Facebook.? Now I could have said this and it might well have panned out better than the way things actually did... to be perfectly honest everything basically fell like dominoes because my ex friend didn’t come into my house for a cup of tea. There’s more to it than that but not much more. It was, if you put “crushing” aside( it was a factor but not as important as I think my friend thought) a disconnect between what I hoped for and indeed tried to give as a friend, and the reality. And you know that’s how it goes, someone doesn’t say Goodbye or doesn’t accept your invite into your home... and it’s a small thing but it’s the small things that can burn everything down.

EXPECTATIONS

If they were a friend they’d accept my invite, if I was a good enough friend... I would not do as I did....and I’d be able to say actually this is an acquaintanceship really. If we could be more precise in our communication probably a million potentially decent friendships or connections could be saved every year.

TIMED OUT

Curiosity about people who seem very different from you is perfectly normal and can be a good basis for a friendship... throw in limerence and things are less straightforward, but are still workable... although you will probably be working towards getting the crush out of your system. All of that takes time. And sometimes circumstances don’t play fair. Running out of time was certainly another factor in this disaster, for really disaster it was. Disappointing for both them and me, but after all this time ... not a big deal anymore.

GOLD FROM LEAD

However I try and convert the disaster into something wonderful and in many ways I’ve done that. I don’t know what they have done with their time but I’m sure they have affected change and grown. For my part I don’t believe I’d be so susceptible to jumping into something that “seemed interesting” at least not without being very much more mindful. I have learned to appreciate the here and now and who I have with me there... rather than taking them for granted. I have become more creative overall, including writing. I do write about it a lot because it helps ...and at least I’ve got something to write about ...contentment and smooth sailing doesn’t give you material. I still continue with the activity that brought us into each other’s orbit, too. I certainly don’t let curiosity get the better of me now.... it killed more than the cat and really I’m sorry about that. It could have been a good thing.... whatever else it may have perceived as, being a good friend was my goal, and I missed it by a smidge.