Country Roads

I always clung to this idea of my hometown, forcing myself to keep nostalgia alive even though I didn’t believe a word I was saying or thinking. I still catch myself doing it from time to time and I suppose it’s really a defense mechanism. I’ve had some of the most painful events of my life living in my new hometown and I don’t want to let myself think about this place fondly because of that. The sad fact is that the only reason my worst memories happened here is because it is my hometown and I did the vast majority of my growing up here.

The real memories, that my depression won't let me hold onto, are of family, of love, of nature and of growth. I watched my siblings grow up here and I brought my son into this world here and have watched him grow up too. I made and lost friends, I found my love for animals and the outdoors and I learned how to be a parent here. If I’m honest with myself, this is the best place for my family and I and is really the only place where we could’ve had the space to become the people we are today. Sure, the cities are convenient but they’re poisonous and restrictive - the air is thick and the people are scary.

There’s nothing quite like the countryside, the sun peaking through the trees - the country park in golden hour is the most magical thing in the world. My favourite thing about my hometown in the countryside is the freedom, the freedom to explore, to admire, to be at peace. You don’t get freedom in cities, it’s too dangerous - the headlines proved that. The week that my family and I moved out West, the headlines for our old hometown just outside London were about violent attacks whereas the headlines for my new hometown in the countryside were about cows and stuffed animals being found by the community.

I’ve moved around a bit since we came out here for university but it never felt quite as comfortable or light as here. I’ll be honest and say that for me, home is wherever my family is and I know that’s the biggest cliche going but I feel truly empty without them. I have a very large family and they are my community, they are my everything - I don’t have any friends and that’s okay because I don’t need anyone else, just my massive, nutty family. The great thing about my new hometown is that everyone is just around the corner, it’s not a big town and I can walk to almost any destination (in the town) within an hour.

I have a magnificently beautiful and interesting country park practically in my back garden, there’s open fields, woodland, wildlife, streams and lakes and it is the most spectacular sight to see on any day, rain or shine. I would say out of anywhere, that country park is where I feel most at home - which is weird because it’s not exactly a home. I go there almost every day of my life, I take my dogs and my son (when he’s not glued to a screen) and we just wander for a while. My son and I collect cool rocks, sticks, leaves and anything else that catches our eyes. Despite being born in the area though, my son isn’t really fond of getting muddy or anything - he’s not really the nature type most of the time but he enjoys looking at everything and examining things he finds.

Writing this reminded me of the great things my new hometown provides me with, that the old one most certainly couldn’t. I do miss certain aspects of the old one but I am so grateful that we came here and made this our new home. If we hadn’t, I may not have had my son, or my dogs or my love of nature, photography, none of it and that’s a horrible thing to think about because I would be lost without them. I love my new hometown because it gave me the freedom to become myself, to become a parent and become a more peaceful person. I never feel rushed here, we have time to stand still and breathe in the cool country air and appreciate the life that we've been blessed with.