Consent, let’s talk about it.

Consent, it’s not a hard concept to grasp, yet it must be broken down to its simplest forms. The discussion of consent should not be taboo, nor a debate. This is a need to have discussion within your relationships, situationships, one night stands, and or entanglements. It is evident that the masses are not properly equipped with such knowledge.

The Breakdown

Consensual sex is when both partners are in agreement to please one another. When your partner says “no,” they are not consenting to sex, or any sexual acts. Which means you need to STOP, if you continue to perform sexual acts after being told no, it is rape/sexual assault. Simple as that! No doesn’t mean maybe, it doesn’t mean keep trying to persuade your partner, it doesn’t mean try again later, it means STOP. You both have the right to cease any sexual act at any moment in time. That means even if you are fully unclothed. If you are uncomfortable, if you are not ready, if you have any second thoughts that something doesn’t seem right, or even if you simply don’t want to take part in any type of sexual activity, leave. You don’t owe them any explanation, you don’t have to take your partner’s feelings into consideration either. What matters is that you are safe.

In a scenario where you tell your partner you are not consenting, and they proceed, you are in danger.

Staying safe:

1. The very first thing you need to do is get away from them as fast as possible.

2. Call the police/fire department (they both respond to danger, one better than the other, but that’s a different story).

3. If you can’t get out of the house, Lock yourself in the bathroom (or any room) and call the authorities, a trusted friend, and or a family member.

4. Keep some form of protection on you at ALL times (a firearm, pepper spray, switchblade, taser, etc.)

5. If you are out in public, and are in danger, run into the nearest populated building, and ask for help.

Nothing is too drastic, when it comes to your safety. There are many things you can do to make sure you get away harm free, do anything you must to protect yourself.

If you are on a date, at a kickback, a party, at a fair, the movies, etc. Let someone you trust know where you are at all times, and check in with them at least every 30 minutes, let them know that you are safe. Even if you have known the person you are with for years, you might never know what their true intentions are.

Who can, and can’t consent?

1. The legal age of consent is 18 (I don’t care what your state says). Anyone UNDER the age of 18 years old, leave them alone, they are completely off limits, and it is highly inappropriate (illegal), and immoral to have any form of sexual relationship with a minor. This is not up for discussion they CANNOT consent.

2. Any person who is intoxicated (at any level) and cannot make clear, and decisive decisions for themselves cannot consent. They’re wasted, if you attempt to ask for, or perform any sexual interaction you are taking advantage of them, and it is rape.

Body Language:

Things can be said without verbally saying them. Watch your partners body language, and facial expressions, and in this day in age you can catch somebody’s energy. If something feels off, things seem shaky. GET OUT OF THERE!!

Disclaimer:

this message is not exclusive to straight cisgender men, and women. The LGBTQ community is riddled with rape, sexual assault, and abuse. They too have a right to live their lives free of fear. There are people in this world who were only born to terrorize, and bring pain to others. It doesn’t matter who you are. Your protection, your safety, your life is always first priority.

Parents, educate your teens:

Like most people in the U.S. I attended school, but was only in a sex education class for one semester my freshman year of high school. In those few months of class, I have zero recollection of ever being educated on consent. The education system has failed to properly teach kids not just about sex itself, but the responsibilities of sex as well. This may come as a shock to you, but your child may start dating, and having sex at the ages of 16. You aren’t around them to know what they are doing all of the time. The least you can do is equip them with the proper tools. I don’t mean the condom, and banana shtick, that’s a no brainer. Sit them down, and go into detail, it may be awkward, but it needs to be done. I wish my parents would have educated me on sex, consent, and safety when I was younger, instead of having to figure things out on my own. I don’t mean just talking to your daughters, speak to your sons as well.

What NEEDS to be discussed:

1. S.T.D’s, and contraception.

2. Consent, go into depth, and answer all questions that they have. Let them know that they have the right to say no.

3. Tell them what they need to do if they are uncomfortable, or in any danger.

4. If your child is 16, and up I suggest you give them a taser, and or pepper spray for their protection (teach them how to properly use it).

5. Let them know that they can come, and talk to you.

Parents, be your child’s safe space, they should be comfortable to talk to you about anything. That means sex as well, don’t judge them, or criticize them. When you reject your child when they are coming to you in a vulnerable state, and an open heart, you are letting them know they can’t talk to you. If they can’t come to you, they will go to someone else, and most likely be given incorrect information. Check in with them, just like you, they too have separate lives. Don’t just have children, be present with your children.