Complicated

3

Mr. Valdez

So taking a little step back to my junior year, I was 15 and about to be 16. I was getting my drivers license soon and my first car. I had great friends and awesome teachers. One of my favorite teachers was a science teacher named Mr. Allison. He was a short white man with dark hair and a pointed nose. He was hilarious. He was one of the most honest teachers I’ve ever had in a sense that he treated us more like adults then kids. He talked to us instead of at us and really valued our opinions. He was an amazing teacher. He was so funny and made everything fun. We dissected a baby pig and a cat in his class. We saw real live healthy human lungs and tar filled smokers lungs in his class. We talked about sex and how much we all love it and how it’s ok that we do. He was fuckin dope. Anyway, it was in his class that I saw one of the most beautiful people I’d ever see. It was in his class that I met a guy that to this day I could slap myself for leaving. It was in this class that I met the love of my life and biggest regret, Max Valdez. Now, I know I said love of my life. I’ll elaborate. As a 30-sum year old woman and having lived a little and been around more then a few times, I’ve learned that special people come into your life, yea, but special people DO NOT COME OFTEN. These special people are also those ones that you can’t ever and will never forget. He is 1 of mine. He’s the one that got away, the one that I know would’ve been perfect to me forever, if I wasn’t so fuckin stupid. I’ll tell you something about me. I’m stubborn. Unmoving. Brute. Translation? Couldn’t nobody tell me shit. I thought I knew all I needed to, and obviously I was all the way wrong. Hell, past wrong. The first day of our junior year we stepped into our Anatomy and Physiology class for the first time and sat at one of the 6 large lab tables in the room. My friends and I were all sitting talking and messing before class and in walks this bow legged, spiked haired, mole faced beauty. He was gorgeous. He had these deep brown eyes and an enormously white smile with pretty white teeth. He smells like heaven. He had a deep sensual voice, was well mannered and polite. He was mine. That was it and all. I told my besties I was gonna have him. I had too! I was madly in love and I didn’t even know his name. All this ran through my head when I saw him and after, I made the determination decision that he’d be my boyfriend. This was a time where interracial relations weren’t really common but they weren’t frowned on either. Either way I didn’t give a damn, I wanted him! So I told my friends and I started trying to get his attention. I wore nice outfits and did my hair. He didn’t even glance. I’d walk in and try to start a conversation with him, he’d make small talk and then go about his day. I’d make sure he’d see me everyday and everyday it seems like he’d purposefully ignore me! I was crushed, but it didn’t matter. In my mind, he was mine! I as determined. So I did what I thought was the next best thing. I found out what sports he played and just so happened to show up at practice...everyday. I know!!! Stalker!!! I didn’t care! He finally started to come around. He actually started to notice me. Then we started actually talking. I was over the moon. He talked to me. He actually had a conversation with me that was longer then a minute. I’d go home after practices smoking so hard. This went on for maybe 2 months. By that time he’d started walking me to class and giving me these huge hugs that felt amazing. I knew he liked me. It felt wonderful that I liked someone and he liked me back. We exchanged gifts on Valentine’s Day, and that’s when I knew it was gonna happen he’d be my boyfriend, but then he got sick. Really sick. He was gone for a really long time. We didn’t speak or see each other for like 2 weeks. I was so sad. I wondered whether he’d come back or if he’d have any interest when he did. I was scared. The CIF Championship was coming up and he was supposed to wrestle in it. No one knew if he would though and I hadn’t spoken to him. A few days before it started, he came back. Still obviously sick, but doing way better. He did end up wrestling and he would win! I knew I was in love. There was no doubt. When it was all over, he met me in the gym and he hugged me and make me feel special like he always did. He apologized for disappearing and said he missed me. I almost fainted. Then it happened, that thing I wanted more then anything. He asked. He asked me to be his girlfriend, if I was a firecracker I would’ve exploded and landed on the moon. Teenaged love. After I said yes he asked if he could kiss me. I was too through. From then on we were an us. We did things together and spent time on the weekends and after school. He met my family and I met his. We loved each other and wanted nothing but to be together. It was a happy time. Then, I met his father. His dad was like any dad, I guess, that had concerns. He thought that there would be future problem in Max’s life because of me. Now I’d never really experienced racism until this moment. When I went to meet his dad and step mother, his father wouldn’t even come out and his step mother refused to speak English. I felt demoralized, inferior, unwanted. It was the worst feeling. I left wondering the same thing his dad was, maybe this isn’t such a good idea. Max never not once fed into anything g his dad said. He didn’t care whether he liked me or not. He didn’t care if I was green yellow or purple. He told me he loved me and that it wouldn’t change because of his family. I loved him so much. He treated me better then any ever had or ever would, quite frankly. He would bring me flowers to school when I was mad. He’d write poems for me saying how much he thought of me. He’d go out of his way to make sure I was ok and happy. He was perfect. And the. After a summer away from each other, we started to fight badly. We didn’t agree on anything anymore, he started trying to tell me who I could and couldn’t talk to, and I started to wanna get away from him. I didn’t like being controlled. I didn’t like when someone tried to control me. And he started to make me feel like that’s what he was doing. So being my dumb ass, I started spending less time with him and more time with the people he didn’t want me to hang with. Just because. I wanted to make him mad, or jealous. Just stupid. After all the happy and joy I managed to ruin this wonderful situation with one simple statement, you don’t own me, I’ll talk to whoever I want. That was it. He didn’t want me or trust me after that and I didn’t want him. We ended up never speaking again. It hurts to know that because I couldn’t see past my own arrogance that I let an amazing person walk right outta my arms and into the next one working in line. Devastated is an understatement. I had to recover quickly from him. That’s when sex became stupid dominant. It had to happen and quickly, I was hurting. At this time of hurt, I still went to school normally. It was my senior year by then and I was single. See, I was hurting but I guess, I wanted to be single because I didn’t wanna be controlled. Then this bad boy started trying to talk to me. People told me not to but I don’t know I guess I wanted something different and risky. Zane was both different and risky. He was also single after a very long, very sexual, on and off relationship with his ex girlfriend. Everyone knew they were fucking. So when he started trying to talk to me I was like hell no. I guess I was afraid? :/ Either way, like I said in the previous chapter, I went with it. And soon after lost my virginity to someone who didn’t mean anywhere near as much as the one I truly wanted. Max Valdez was everything I could’ve ever wanted, and I literally threw him away. Can you see why I need some help?!? I suck at this! My friends were there for me though. They went through the pain with me. They kept me going even when things inevitably got worse. They held me up and we had some crazy times together. They helped me heal, although never completely, from losing Max. The only thing they couldn’t help me with, is figuring out this damn relationship shit! Lol let me talk you about my Besties and our trials through this thing we call love....