Common Misconceptions About Asexuality

Probably among the most underrepresented groups under the LGBTQ+ umbrella with our only major representation coming from Todd Chavez on BoJack Horseman (not a complaint, I love Todd). Due to this, I thought I'd compile a quick list of common misconceptions about our asexual peers. And if you've found yourself thinking any of these, I hope you're open to learning more and possibly changing your mind. None of us are mad, we just want people to understand.

1. Asexuals don't date.

Though it is true that many asexuals do also identify as “a-romantic," I would dare say most asexual people either do or have a desire to date. Romance isn't synonymous with sex, and dating is still prevalent in the Ace community, whether it'd be between two aces or one ace and someone with a differing orientation. This isn't a common occurrence: I've been in three committed relationships and only one of them was with another asexual.

2. Asexuals are repulsed by sex.

Now, I don't blame people for thinking this. Naturally, when you hear about someone being asexual it's easy for you to come to that conclusion. But it's not always the case.

Some asexuals do have sex for the sake of gaining intimacy with their partner, emotional connection, or for the sake of just having children. Hell, I've even met some ace people who are heavily involved in kink communities, just not acting upon sexual urges.

I know some of this may be hard to believe, but asexuality is a spectrum in and of itself, so it's not necessarily unusual for there to be someone who maybe has had or does have sex.

3. "You're asexual because you masturbate too much."

I've heard this one way too many times. Yes, my sexuality exists because my right hand spends too much time shafting the shaft, because that's how it works.

4. Asexuals don't masturbate.

Continuing the jerking trend, though it's true that masturbation probably isn't among the top activities that your everyday ace partakes in, it still happens.

Often, it's for health reasons. Masturbation is scientifically proven to be good for you, and not allowing for the occasional release could lead to some unintended issues. Think of the main character from the Netflix show The End of the F*****g World: "I actually masturbated once a week for medical purposes. I knew it wasn't good to let things build up."

But like everyone else, some do masturbate for pleasure. Why not? You're still asexual whether or not you masturbate—it simply comes down to attraction.

5. Asexuals and Asexuality don't exist.

We do. Believe me, I experience it every day. It is a sexuality that has been observed and studied in the same way homosexual and bisexuality have. We're just not in the public eye as much due to a smaller estimate population and social stigma.

6. Asexuality = Chastity/Abstinence

No, these aren't interchangeable. Chastity and Abstinence are choices often made by social and/or religious influence. Asexuality is a sexual orientation that isn't a choice. Yes, there are many aces who never have sex. But that should not be classified as anything other than their orientation, not a conscious lifestyle change.

I know this probably doesn’t cover the experiences of everyone, but I thought I’d discuss the ones that are brought up the most. If there are any more that you can think of, message me on Twitter and let me know! I’ll feature them in a new list. I also hope I was able to help shed some light on what the ace world is like, and like I mentioned earlier: none of us are mad, we just want people to understand.

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