It's not easy to know if your bi-sexual, lesbian, gay or straight or whatever route you prefer. It's even harder when your just a kid trying to figure it all out! It all starts when you start checking out the same sex as you and then you start questioning why you are doing that, your straight not a lesbian, you need to stop checking girls out or vice versa.
These were the struggles I had to overcome while trying to figure out who I am. It all started during my preteen years, I found myself looking at other girls in a way that I knew I shouldn't. As the years went on I found myself questioning my sexuality. Why are you looking at her butt? Your straight or at least that's what your told you should be. Why did I have these feelings? Why can't I just be normal?
As I got older I found out that you can like boys and girls equally and it's called being Bi-sexual. At first I thought okay, this is just a phase and you will get over it. Don't tell anyone, keep it a secret!!!!
The first time I ever thought that I might be Bi- sexual is when one of my friends kissed me which at first I thought was weird but then I liked that she would kiss me.
Once I reached high school in my sophomore year I realized this wasn't just a phase. I am Bi-Sexual! I had a secret girlfriend that no one knew about, everyone thought that she was my friend which for me was perfect at the time because I didn't want anyone to know. That all started to quickly fade away when she told me that she didn't want to be a secret anymore, she wanted people to know about us. OH NO!!!!!!
No one knew I was BI not even my family. I mean NO ONE!!!!! I started off by telling a couple of friends at a time to see their reactions. Some of my friends accepted me for who I am while others wanted nothing to do with me. Not everyone understands that I won't hit on them.
I eventually came out to my parents but didn't get the reaction I was expecting. My dad told me "you can't be Bi-Sexual, there's no such thing. Your either straight, lesbian or your gay but you can't like both guys and girls." My mom took it a little bit better but asked me not to kiss my girlfriend in front of them because it made them uncomfortable.
Wow, okay, breath! I can't believe my own parents can't accept me for who I am. As I lay in my bed crying from the reality of telling them I decided right there and then that I wouldn't let their opinions bother me but it will always be in the back of my head. I decided to date a guy for a little bit to ease the tension in my house but that didn't last long as I found myself crushing on another woman. Only this time she wanted to stay a secret she hasn't come out to anyone yet so this worked out for me. I dated the guy but had a girlfriend that no one knew about. I found myself dating guys and telling my family about him just so they wouldn't see the girl I was dating.
I eventually ended up dating another girl and it got pretty serious so I decided that it was time to have her meet the family. I brought a girl home for once and of course my parents didn't approve. I was asked not to kiss her in front of them as it makes them uncomfortable. I was also asked not to cuddle with her on the couch because this also made them uncomfortable.
WHAT????? Are you kidding me???? My girlfriend makes you uncomfortable. Well I knew right there and then that I would never be accepted as Bi-Sexual only as straight so I continued to date men from that point on but I feel so lost. I would love to be able to date a woman without the judgment from my family but I feel like that won't ever happen. Especially now that I met the love of my life and he makes me so happy.