Clearly, Your Memory is Fuzzy

Woman: “I think that we need to sit and take a second to speak about something that’s happening, okay? I think that if we don’t bring this up, then it’s going to continue to happen, and I’m not going to continue with this pattern.”

Man: “Okay, fine. What do you mean?”

Woman: “I don’t like that you act this way. I feel like instead of treating me like a decent person, you sometimes say that when you’re angry, instead of seeking an actual punching bag, you’d rather use me.”

Man: “I never said that. I didn’t say that I was using you as a punching bag. I said that I was angry and that I should’ve used the punching bag.”

Woman: “That doesn’t make sense. You literally said that you were feeling this catharsis and that you were upset at me.”

Man: “I don’t remember that.”

Woman: “Okay, well then explain your behavior. Why would you decide to just treat me however because you were upset? That doesn’t make sense.”

Man: “Well, I was just angry.”

Woman: “Angry explains the emotion, but what explains the action? It was your choice. You didn’t need to do this, but you chose to do this, and I’m a little confused. Can you elaborate? What are we supposed to say when we go to couples therapy? Am I supposed to just reiterate everything into this manufactured story to fit your narrative, or are we going to sit here and tell the truth?”

Man: “The truth?! So are you calling me a liar?”

Woman: “I’m not calling you a liar, but I’m saying that this is not an honest retelling.”

Man: “Well, I don’t like what you’re trying to say.”

Woman: “Okay.”

Man: “You’re just waiting for me to slip up. You’re just waiting for me, and I was just angry.”

Woman: “Okay, slip up? This is like the fourth time that this has happened. What am I waiting for you to slip up? I’m waiting for you to take accountability. Have self-reflection. Maybe don’t treat me like an indecent person. Can you do that?”

Man: Smacks lips and sucks teeth. “Go ahead and do whatever you want. You’re just trying to ruin my life.”

Woman: “Ruin your life? Why are you trying to change the subject? Let’s get back to the original context.”

Man: “Oh no, that’s all that you try to do, is ruin my life. You don’t love me.”

Woman: “Wait a second. Where are we going with this? You chose to treat me wrong. That was your choice. Are you trying to put blame on me? Are you trying to put blame on me right now?”

Man: “You’re not even hearing what I’m trying to say.”

Woman: “But are you not hearing the original context of this conversation and what I’m asking from you? I’m asking you to take accountability for your choices, but you’re also trying to blame-shift. You’re also trying to reframe your consequences as if they don’t have any weight, and you’re literally trying to minimize it right in front of me. Do you not see how your choices affect us?”

Man: “I already said I was sorry.”

Woman: “Okay, but what does sorry have to do with it? You know, you say you’re sorry, but then you immediately try to hug me. I don’t want to hug, and then you get upset and say, ‘Oh, I’m just trying to do what couples do.’ Well, couples don’t treat each other this indecently and then expect a hug. What, do you want some type of reassurance that everything’s going to be okay if I accept your hug and accept your love? Well, I still love you, but I still would love for you to take accountability.”

Man: “For what?”

Woman: “For your behavior. Okay, let’s back it up a little bit. What exactly do you remember doing?”

Man: “You know what? I was just having a very bad day. I was angry, and that’s it.”

Woman: “Okay, well, when I have bad days and I’m angry, I don’t do what you do. I don’t!”

Man: “Okay, well, that’s you.”

Woman: “I get that different people act differently, but I’m actively choosing not to put that on you because I’m angry.”

Man: “Well, what do you want me to do?”

Woman: “I’ve been saying it for the last 20 minutes. Can you please take accountability?”

Man: “I don’t even know what you want me to do?”

Woman: “Am I talking to myself? I’m telling you to take accountability for your actions.”

Man: “What actions do you want me to take accountability for? I said I was sorry.”

Woman: “Okay, now we’re going in circles.”

Man: “I mean, I woke up in the morning. I was having a shitty day.”

Woman: “Okay. Explain it.”

Man: “Well, I don’t know. I just was acting like that.”

Woman: “Come on, then. You don’t just act like that because nothing happened. I mean, you can’t sit here and have these principles of accountability and listening to criticism and being responsible for your failures when I’m literally telling you, ‘Hey, can you be a little bit responsible?’ and you’re pushing back. Do you see what I see? Because I don’t think you see what I see. I think that you’re trying to defend yourself instead of actually seeing how your actions hurt me.”

Man: “But I apologized already.”

Woman: “An apology ain’t gonna fix anything. If I hit you on the head right now with this dinner plate and say sorry, you can forgive me, but you’re still gonna be hurt, right?”

Man: “Yeah.”

Woman: “Okay, so do you see it from my perspective?”

Man: “I mean, sorta.”

Woman: “Come on, man. I’m just telling you that I remember that when we woke up in the morning, you had nothing positive to say to me. You tried to distance yourself from me. You were aggressive. Your tone was messed up, and I know for sure if I were to act like that, you would be upset at me. So I tried to say something about it, and then you tried to push it away like I wasn’t seeing or feeling what I was seeing and feeling, for you to then tell me the next day, ‘Yeah, I was upset, and I should’ve just used a punching bag,’ or whatever the hell that you said. But you definitely purposely targeted me because you were upset about something that I didn’t agree with you about. How does that make that okay?”

Man: “Well, it doesn’t.”

Woman: “Okay, but do you see how you try to just dismiss that?”

Man: “Not really.”

Woman: “You know what? I think I’m done. I don’t want to proceed forward with this conversation anymore.”

Man: “Why do you always do that? Every single time I’m trying”

Woman: “Are you? Are you trying? Because I don’t think you are. I’m gonna take a shower.”

Man: “Sometimes I think that you really love to fabricate these things to fit your narrative, and I don’t think you truly see it from my perspective.”

Woman: “Maybe I should get some Meta glasses or something, or put cameras up in here so you can see how you are.”

Man: “Why would you do that?”

Woman: “Because I think you have a hard time seeing yourself, and clearly your memory is fuzzy. Good night.”