Christmas for Me

I’m not spending Christmas like most families this year. I’m not even sure what is “normal” for most families.

I’m spending Christmas like every other day, actually. I’m not obligated to anyone or any organisation this year and it’s quite refreshing, yes. It’s been the first in probably ten years of my career.

A part of me is feeling very curious, I’m wondering if I should make the trip to Costco on Christmas Eve just to soak in other people's holiday vibes and feel like a part of the festivities… is this what it is like to be getting older and lonelier?

Then there is the risk of public health probabilities… Costco? Crowded area? Should I go but wear a mask? It’s getting really hot in Australia, I prefer not to do that… but the Covid numbers are rising again… maybe gotta be a little bit cautious… then that thought is just like, “Too hard” - let’s stay home, let’s watch Netflix… let’s just lay low whilst the rest of the world gets on with their shopping.

My fridge is well stocked. I’ve had groceries delivered. I’ve even made a short trip to Coles to get a few other top-ups. I don’t need to go to Costco right now, it would be purely out of curiosity.

Why not spend some time in nature? It’s too bloody hot in Australia - Gold Coast, to be exact. No, I’m not going to the beach. I do walk my dog around the neighbourhood during the cooler hours, but no, I’m not going hiking or anything like that.

I have a brownie cake mix… I was intending to bake it, just because… it is Christmas, so why not? Am I the only person eating these brownies? You betcha.

Can’t share it with my dog…

I do have a book to enjoy, Michelle Obama’s latest one - yes, what a better friend Michelle Obama seems than most others in my real life… nobody else around me can give such thoughtful insights, or have lived as interesting lives…

Tik Tok is the weirdest addiction. I’m still trying to find my balance between self-indulgence and healthy contributions to that platform.

All this time to myself makes me think about my new year’s goals and priorities. What else do I want to manifest? To achieve?

We barely have any energy to reach…

I want to navigate something steady as well as something exciting. I want to have real, genuine, sustainable cash flow for my talents to thrive and excel, and resonate with audiences who are meant to resonate with it.

I don’t mind a part-time grind… whatever another corporate gig I might be in…

This time next year? I’d love to live in a little bit more luxury, have a little bit more decorations around me, bask in a little bit more of an abundance flow… but all of that aside, I’d be grateful if all my family and loved ones stayed healthy, safe, and generally happy.

I’m not ready for a sudden family member’s illness. I’m not ready for sudden grief of a friend or an accident, or whatever other career set backs… My heart is exhausted of that. I need a year of hope, of healthy optimism, and truly appreciating me.

I don't know if it's just me and my family. We are scattered around, this Christmas - some have very recently caught Covid - and it just doesn't matter anyway, it never really did. We are not religious, we don't have any unbreakable family traditions around this time. (Yes, we would've had a family lunch but now it's all scrapped!)

We usually take this time - pre-Pandemic - to travel, to see other parts of the world... hang out in places that don't care as much about Christmas... or take on more shifts, the ones that nobody wants, to get a bit more pay at this time... Immigrant family vibes.

It’s Christmas week and I feel genuinely relieved. It's refreshing to have alone, down time at this time of year in a Western country - I’m not needing to prove my sense of peace or calm to anyone on social media.

Most of the time, I enjoy my solitude. I genuinely enjoy being in a house of peace.

I'm writing this so that others can also know, if you're alone this Christmas - it's rather quite refreshing.