Characters

At this point in my life, I've been writing fiction for almost twenty-one years. It doesn't feel like it's been that long, but it has been a productive journey.

I recently finished the third revision of my latest novel, and something about this one feels different. I have a love/hate relationship with everything that I write, but something about this novel feels more well-thought-out, more polished, more organized.

As opposed to my old 'go with the flow' style of writing, I'm more calculated. I create a rough outline before I begin writing; even if it changes, it helps to give me a roadmap and I know where the story ends. This is especially true for this novel, since I quickly changed the names I'd chosen for characters and many of the plot points have changed. The ending hasn't changed, which I suppose is the most important thing.

I even developed a reverse outline of sorts after I finished the second draft, allowing myself to adjust the original to the changes I'd made and ensure that plot points, locations, and characters were consistent throughout the story - consistently changing, at least. But I'm not ashamed to say that I think that the characters in this story are its strongest feature.

Every protagonist that I write has some piece of me in them. Sometimes it is parts of my personality, hobbies that I enjoy, ways of speaking - sometimes it's things that I wish that I was. In Leila, she was a bold leader who always put others before herself and tried her hardest to do what was right for her people. These are traits that I wish that I had, though she did share my love for reading, and the love for her younger sibling.

Other various (often unfinished) manuscript protagonists are usually idealized versions of myself. They're bold, athletic, proud, multi-talented. But Adanya, the protagonist of Awakening? She is the closest thing to me that I've ever written. And it is likely because I highlighted parts of myself that I don't often let people see.

Adanya is shy. Doesn't like the spotlight. Deals with imposter syndrome and insecurity. Learned how to avoid most social situations, even though she is the second most powerful person in the kingdom. It takes the love and support of those around her to overcome the self-doubt that she struggles with, and she never fully gets over it.

It may sound cliche, but writing this book has been a form of therapy for me. Pieces of my experiences have found their way into the story and Adanya's experiences, and have helped me to examine my ways of thinking and acting. This has led to fruitful conversations with my siblings, my best friend, and my boyfriend. Not only has it helped them to understand me better, but they've helped me to better understand myself.

These traits of Adanya's aren't purely negative. Sure, she has to learn to navigate them to move forward in her own story, but they aren't seen as things that need to be conquered with the expectation of never seeing them again. Being shy isn't a bad thing. Being insecure is natural, and even imposter syndrome can rear its head in even the most confident of people.

What I've tried to do is to show how someone with these traits and struggles can still do amazing things. My introversion has led me to a few deep relationships that I treasure, rather than it being something that isolates me. And my many insecurities and experiences of imposter syndrome have, time and time again, motivated me to push past them and do great things. Like write a novel. Or start a TikTok. Or write a blog.

In addition to Adanya, another notable character is her fiance, Rashidi. If you follow my train of thought, you'll realize that he is based largely on my boyfriend. His kindness, encouragement, thoughtfulness, and love are part of what helps Adanya to overcome her mental hang-ups. Instead of encouraging her to completely lean on him, he encourages her to build herself up and to trust in herself and her decisions and abilities. Likewise, my boyfriend has done that for me; reminding me of how talented I am when I doubt myself, pushing me to set myself goals and steps to reach them, and providing a safe place to rest when I'm overwhelmed.

When it all boils down to it, the reason that Awakening is so strong is because I based my characters in reality. Not the dashing heroine who only occasionally has doubts in herself (usually near the climax), but a character who does not believe herself worthy of her position more often than not, and struggles daily with self-doubt and insecurity.

I hope that, when Awakening is published, people will be able to connect with the characters in a way that makes them feel real.

After all, isn't the reason that you stick with a novel that you have a connection to something in it?