Captain Oh Yeah

I was wearing my black, collared, slick, long sleeve shirt that I had just bought from the Gap to show it off on that particular Friday evening.  It made my beer gut look like it was gone (you know how wearing the color black makes chunky people look a little thinner), and it gave me this mysterious panther-like look while all the silver rings I was wearing on my lanky fingers embellished the blackness of this awesome shirt. This particular shirt was a huge girl magnet too. By far, it was my favorite shirt for a long time.

Yes, I only wore this black shirt on special occasions. I’ve had it for about a year, and I only put it on about four times. The first time I wore it was when I dated this beautiful black girl, and it got me to third base.

She later left my scene ‘cause I tried to call her for a booty call, and she was not down for that. I guess I sounded too drunk for her because that night I had a lot to drink. Yes, I was inebriated badly the night I tried to call her for some booty.

Anyway, another time I wore that black shirt at a yacht wedding. Yeah, it made me look very slick with my stylin’ slacks and all. I got to meet someone and got a phone number as well. Once that bitch saw that I lived in Hollywood in a single apartment, she never answered my calls again. Fuck her!

What I am trying to say is that this shirt was the shit for me. It was a woman magnet, and it always brought me a whole lotta fun. It really was my favorite shirt, and I only wore it for special occasions.

Again, I was wearing this black shirt from the Gap on that Friday evening in order to impress the sexiest woman I had ever seen in my life. I was going to ask this woman who made me feel love for the first time for her number. So, the black shirt was the arsenal for that purpose.

The first time I saw this gorgeous woman was when I met friends at this book store. We were drinking coffee outside talking about certain books, and she walked by with this amazing aura around her. Since then, I’ve been going to the book store in hopes to see her. My hopes materialized when I started seeing her walking by the store once a week.

This woman’s beauty made me into a daydreaming zombie at work, at home, or at everywhere I went. I hadn’t even met her yet, and she had me going crazy every damn day!

I wanted her to immediately fall in love with me, and it felt like she would have once she saw me in that black shirt. The bad-ass-black shirt from the Gap!

Guess what? I got the number from her that Friday evening, as she winked when she waltzed away from my view. I couldn’t believe it! I had gone up to her with this panther-like, black shirt and succeeded with my objective—getting her number.

That shirt never fails me!

I turned to complete my final cool move as she looked back at me one more time. I was feeling very confident with my sexy-ass-black-shirt-wearing-walking-away move, and, suddenly, I tripped! I got coffee that I had just bought from the book store’s coffee shop all over my fucking black shirt.

I stood up quickly.

In order to hide the chagrin, because everyone was staring at me including the love of my life, I awkwardly pointed at her with pistol hands and said, “Oh yeah!”

By Bazooka Teaches