Caitlyn and the Simp

Junior year..... Oh boy.

It's funny to me that I remember so much from junior year in high school, but I don't remember a lot from my sophomore year, but I remember the two girls I liked and how I went back and forth between them but for right now, let's focus on one girl, let's call her Caitlyn.

Caitlyn was sexy as hell; she had long blonde hair, a cute face, a body that just got sexier every day I saw her, and a great personality. I met her in my sophomore year in high school; it was technically my second year in high school, but at the time, we still had ninth-graders going to middle school, but anyway, I went to a homecoming dance for the first time, and I didn't know what to expect. I met one cute girl at the entrance who was dating a friend of mine that I knew since middle school, so it was time for me to mingle in the dance, but I'm always a wallflower before I do anything, especially at a party or anything.

So I met up with two or three of my friends, and a fourth person came along, she was blonde and barefoot while she wore a beautiful black dress. I was already nervous because I didn't know who she was because she was beautiful and I tend to get worried a lot when I'm around people I don't know, sometimes I get uncomfortable if I'm around too long. Luckily for Caitlyn, I didn't get to the point where I was uncomfortable; she seemed nice and all. For some reason, she wanted to ask where I was going a lot whenever I was going to the bathroom or getting some water. We ended up dancing together at some point, and she ended up grabbing my butt, she even ran my hands down to her butt as well, and if anyone looked up the definition of awkward, I'm pretty sure there would've been a picture of me from that night during that moment with her. It happened twice after the first time she did it, but then after the dance, I didn't see her again for a few months.

Around April or May, I ended up seeing her again. We started to hang out more from there because it turned out that not only was she a junior, she knew the same people I knew; we all ended up hanging out together, especially when finals came around, that was when we were hanging out a lot more. She even dated a friend of mine who I was hanging out with a lot during lunch. Not a lot happened between Caitlyn and me during my sophomore year, though.

Now, junior year for me happened more when it came between Caitlyn and me. She was a senior at that point. I figured it was time for me to get her to be my girlfriend, but she was dating someone else, who I also was friends with. I'm not the kind of guy who will go for a gal I like while she's in a relationship, especially if it's someone I'm friends with already. Still, when I found out he was always cheating on her, I think, and he was being aloof and distant with her, I figured it was time for me to swoop in, but one day kind of changed my approach.

I was at lunch, and there was a spot that was the hangout for us. After I ate lunch, I went to wander around for a while before going back to class. I saw her sitting at the spot by herself with a can of soda, so I said hi to her, and we ended up talking; I still remember this like it happened yesterday. She looked at me and said, "I still love him." I couldn't believe it because how can you love someone so much that they treat you like shit, but you go back to them? (I was 16 at the time, so I still had some high ideals about how love and relationships are; they were basically like fairy tales) She got too comfortable with him and the things that he did, and unfortunately, I couldn't do anything no matter what I did even though I thought I could, but it gets worse.

Maybe about a month later, I had to stay after school for a play I was rehearsing, and I had to go home after we finished, so I went to hang out with a few friends while I waited for the bus to come and among those friends, Caitlyn was there, so I hung out with her and the group of friends. Things were going well for a bit until her ex had come along... It was like she became a different person. She knew how much I liked her, so she ended up using me to try and make him jealous. (And if you're wondering, yes, she wanted to be with him again) She was all over me like it started innocent, we hugged first, but I didn't care because I hugged people every day and then went into some touchy territory. She ran her hands down to her butt, but once she saw that her ex wasn't fazed by what she was doing, that's when everything changed. She asked me, "If I wanted you to kiss me, would you be willing to do it?" and I said yeah because I'm not going to lie, I was madly in love with her, and I was so ready to kiss her, so she cupped my face and planted a kiss on my lips. My first kiss was from a gal using me to make her ex jealous.

The next day, she wouldn't talk to me like she was mad at me. She was eating lunch with a friend of mine, and I went over to say what's up. She couldn't talk for the whole day because she was in an ASL class, and I think for a project, Caitlyn couldn't speak for the day and had to go by what she learned. Luckily, my friend and I can kind of read lips, so we understood what she was saying, and she said that I ruined her chances with her ex, which in hindsight, that wasn't even my fault because she used my feelings to try and benefit what was going on between her and her ex.

I don't talk to Caitlyn anymore. All I know is that she's a mom now and with someone that makes her happy, so all I can do is say I'm delighted for her and keep going on my path. The last time I tried talking to her, which I believe was about two years ago, she told me that she didn't know what to say to me anymore, so I just guessed that she was still mad at me about that thing that happened in high school which again, that wasn't my fault. I was just a casualty in some relationship drama since I had feelings for her.

I was such a simp for her in high school that every time I look back at that time, mainly when I had feelings for her, I can't help but cringe because I wasn't as smart as I thought I was. I guess in a way, though, I'm glad that it happened because I learned how relationships work and what dynamics between you and someone you like is supposed to mean; I also understood what love is supposed to be.