Cabin 5

This Tuesday

I tear into a bottle of store-bought wine as my best friend struggles to close her suitcase, her large afro bouncing as she knees the side closed and it looks like she’s losing.

I’m glad Iris will be back soon but it's her return that I have to tell her my weekend I’m conflicted about. “I wish you came with us, Neven. The cruise was amazing. I’m so mad I’m leaving, Jame’s talking about buying a boat.”

“You know me. I was working on my thesis and doing other things.” I take a sip of white wine.

Iris is from the Bronx like me and we never really left each other's side since last week. It is spring break and she took the chance to travel with her boyfriend James. I was angry that I forgot she was leaving and by the time I would be alone she was already out the door.

But before she left Iris suggested something that sprouted growing weights of irritant imbalance in my chest every time she brought it up.

“Why not just go out with August?” she said out of nowhere.

August was one of the people in my friend group, not necessarily my friend, but I see him around. But that’s the problem. My friends want us to go out so badly they don’t see I shan’t want to touch August with a yardstick ruler.

But, now, I wanted to confess something to her, about August and me. I wanted to tell her that her heuristic suggestion proved to be the one thing I needed. To express to her that our date was a raffle game of feelings that relinquished pain and the past.

Last Week Monday

Three days since the weekend and I’m already on season five, episode seventeen on the Vampire Diaries. I tell myself that I am proud but know it's pathetic.

I came to the conclusion that my distraction in life is August Cross’s fault. He ruined me from dating and that is why I’m stuck in the house contemplating if this is how I want my break to be.

I didn’t like that Iris brought up August Cross, one of the college students that we are friends with. Iris’s boyfriend is his best friend and then naturally we all became friends. What she doesn’t know is that I despised him.

The need for fresh air and seeing actual people was too great. From all the turbulent thoughts in my mind thanks to the lingering bread crumbs she left behind that had me remembering the past. So I left.

The walk to the supermarket was a while but I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the freedom of coming and going just for the sake of it. My favorite thing to do was go out on walks, breathe in fresh air to exercise my human right to make myself feel okay.

The supermarket smells of produce and a chlorine sanitizer. I grab a cart and start to pick up things I need for dinner. Doesn’t take long to get all of the ingredients and I head towards the liquor section. I’m browsing through the red wines when someone speaks to me.

“That’s bad wine.”

I look up to see a tall figure with a gray mask with a tiny bird on the side. With the familiar logo and build, I meet his always bored-looking but intense eyes. My heart skips a beat once I realize that it’s him.

“August,” shock and surprise fill the one name, he moves closer to me.

“I thought that was you.” was all he says before leaning over to watch the bottle in my hands. “I would have thought that you left with Iris and James.”

I turn and walk away with my cart, forgetting the wine.

“Neven, wait.” He calls after me but I walk faster.

I know it's a public space but I’ve never seen August shop here before. What was he here for? His sudden presence brought up every reason why I can’t be next to him.

Another customer with a cart was coming and I was hoping he’d dodge August so I can leave. But he moves quickly and appears in front of my cart.

“I will run you over.”

“Are you this mean to Iris?”

“Don’t be dense. We both know that we are not friends.”

August flinched as if truly surprised by my statement. “I just ran into you and thought I could speak with you.”

I motioned with my hands, motioning him to speak so I can continue on with my day. He stands straighter, placing his hands in his pocket.

“I know a place that has good wine. I’d like to take you if you don’t mind.” His voice was centered as if balancing on a tight rope.

As for my composure, it tripped on its heels to fall over backward. My eyes felt as though they were popping out of my head at his words.

“You want to take me on a date? Why?”

“I need to explain something to you. About that night.” I think he wanted to say more but decided against it.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, August.”

“I know you’re not seeing anyone. Neither am I.”

Every nerve in my body went alive and I couldn’t tell if its because of anger, anxiety, pressure or pure excitement. He waits for me to answer and I feel as though I’ve been standing there for hours.

“That’s none of your business.”

“What have you been doing since Iris and James left, Neven?” he asks because he knows it wasn’t anything fun, productive, different. “My intentions are clear. You have my number.”

August then leaves the store. He was right. All I do is contemplate the nodus that August Cross created for me. What if what he said was detrimental? I didn’t want to make things weird with Iris and James. If I wanted some peace, I’d have to hear him out.

Last Week Friday

It was yesterday when I called August. I told him I would go on a date with him but I wouldn’t be dressing up.

“Wear what you’re comfortable in, Neven. I’ll pick you up tomorrow at eight.”

I stared at the phone. Placed it back to my ear. “Um, I can take a uber.”

“If you don’t like what I have to say, you can take a uber home. Deal?”

“What are you talking about?” I ask him, already tentative about agreeing to the date.

I do not date for a reason and a sound one. You never really know someone. People can show you what you want to see and then act like it's normal. It’s the craziest thing not knowing to trust yourself because someone was controlling your reality.

“If I don’t have a problem with what you have to say, you can drive me home. Deal?”

He agreed. An hour and a half later I was standing in front of a restaurant he chose. I did well with the jeans, strappy heels, and a teal silk shirt that looked great on my dark cocoa skin. My hair was styled with a lace front so straightened the strands with a flat iron, and added lower lash mascara.

I caught his attention at a booth and I walked comfortably in the modern barista. His eyes watched me and I gulped at his face without the mask. He was every black girl's dream man. Tall, handsome, sexy bedroom eyes and smooth mahogany shade.

I slide into the booth and rest my bag and jacket down. August dresses casually in a white shirt and jeans. I don’t waste time.

“What is it that you need to tell me?”

August knew that I do not like him and that he drove me to. Once upon a time, in freshman year, I had a crush on him. He knew that I did and kept close to me.

We flirted here and there but nothing happened until the end of sophomore year.

“I wanted to explain about that night, at the party.”

We were drinking, having fun with James and Iris at Jesse’s house. I took him to a corner and told him how I felt, all in a drunken glory. He responded by kissing me and I remember my body lighting with fireworks. My tummy flipping when he told me he felt the same way. We separated but always kept eye contact until he wasn’t in the room anymore.

The result of my search for him proved that he somehow had my heart and the power to break it.

“Why you saw Jesse kissing me.”

A male waiter approaches our table but I can’t stop looking at August. “Hello, Mr. Cross. Would you like the usual?”

August looked at me. “What are you in the mood for?”

I didn’t want to talk to him, not about this. Was he cruel? Why did he want to rub it in?

August instructs, “One large pizza and bring out the Cabin 5. Please.”

The waiter nods and walks away. I say, “Success feels good, uh?”

It wasn’t meant to insult but August blushes and I blink at him. He smirks, “I have to remind myself to be humble. I admit it, I like being a boss.”

He clears his throat. “You remember that week before I sprained my wrist from basketball.”

I nod because he cried. A young man almost six feet tall, when he hurt his wrist. It's why I liked him so much, he wasn’t afraid to show emotions, to be human.

“We were drinking but I still feel the same way. I like you, Neven. Always have. That kiss,” He was talking about our kiss. He tapped a finger against the table. “I never forgot. I had gone upstairs to look for James to tell him about..us. Instead, I found Jesse crying. She flung herself at me, I pushed her away. But when she pushed me back she grabbed my wrist and twisted it. Twisted hard enough that I screamed.”

“I thought it was because I pushed her. I was telling her I was sorry. She heard you call my name but she twisted harder and then kissed me. I saw you but you were gone in the same second. I could never speak to you after that.”

“Did you tell anyone?”

I nodded. “I went to the police and they filed a report. No one knows but Jesse was almost expelled after x rays of my wrist came in.”

The waiter came with our food and wine. August immediately went for the wine, choosing to pour himself. “You’ll like Cabin 5. This is the good stuff.”

I take a sip and moan. It was very good. I tasted the pepper, black raspberries, and was that strawberry? “It is very good. Better than the supermarket.”

We both eat for a while and I take time to reconsider what an idiot I’ve been. He wasn’t kissing her back. He was in pain and I never felt so disgusted with myself. August was good and I destroyed his character because of someone else. I hope Jesse learned her lesson.

“I’m sorry,” I say.

“No need to be. I’ve wanted to tell you, date you, kiss you again for a while, Neven. I just needed courage.”

He picked up his glass and I watched him take a sip, a smile touching my lips.

“Let’s finish the wine first.”

This Week Wednesday

When Iris got back she had a weird look on her face, as if she had a secret.

“Anything interesting happens this weekend?”

I wouldn’t tell her about what happened. That was given to me by August and was for no one else. I hope we have more moments like that.

I couldn’t help the tentative yet genuine smile. I told her about my date with August. The wine we shared, the conversation about the future and I learned so much that I felt like I was falling in love all over again.