Breathing Books Because Beauty is Bound

What’s my passion, you ask?

Books!!! Not just reading books but, all things book; including writing them. You see, when I was a little girl my Mormor (grandma) read to me almost every night. She read everything from Shel Silverstein to William Shakespeare to me. As I grew up I began reading all the books in the house, which was a lot. Looking back, I think I was drawn to books because there was less and less pictures the older I got; this meant my imagination could play out the scenes. No offense to Hollywood but sometimes they don’t properly convert a book to the silver screen.

The road I traveled to discover my passion:

Along my tour through school English quickly became my favorite subject. I looked forward to book reports and summer reading lists but, the best time of year was when the Scholastic book fair would come to town. I’d spend weeks saving my allowance and spare change I found for the book fair. By the time I left sixth grade I had bought myself the entire “Girl Talk” series.

In 1995 I began my eighth grade year, that’s when I found that my love for books had sparked into passion. My English teacher had all of her students participate in the “Young Authors” contest. Instead of writing a short story like most of my class I decided to write a poetry book. I wrote a collection of twelve acrostic poems with simple art work. My little book of poems went onto place and earn a ribbon. I was hooked!!!

Once in high school I took every English and creative writing class I could. I also tried to start a poetry club on campus but only myself and one other girl were interested. Her and I ended up working together bouncing ideas off each other at lunch. I wrote all of my poems in a small journal that could easily go anywhere. In tenth grade I started submitting my poems to poetry contests I found in the back of magazines. To my surprise I started to get noticed. I was winning every few months, not a lot at first but then I got published.

The National Library of Congress is no joke; it’s one of the largest collections of books in the country. And… Yep, I am published in several poetry collections housed in the Library of Congress. These publications lead to a Poetic Achievement Award and seven Editor’s Choice Awards over the next few years. In those same few years I became a momma and earned my diploma; I happily graduated in 2000 with my one-year-old daughter Kilee watching from the bleachers.

I spent the next year being a stay at home mom. A short time later child care was available from a reliable person so I went back to school. My excitement was short lived… Sadly, toward the end of first semester a chronic health issue began to terrorize my body. I had no choice but to quit school with the hope of returning quickly. The universe, on the other hand, had a different idea. I met my first husband, got married too fast, and had my second child, a son.

No matter how hectic my life got, I kept writing, in secret mostly. By the birth of my son I was working on my second journal full of poems, ideas, random thoughts, and questions I couldn’t get out of my head. I was using my writing to process my thoughts and feelings so I didn’t emotionally explode. I also didn’t enter but a couple of contests during this time frame.

Soon my marriage came to a rough and painful end. That’s when I found myself homeless, and to make things even worse my new significant other (“J”) was about to show his true colors. I had already lost everything, including access to both my children, when the abuse started. The next two years were back to back fights that usually ended with me having a seizure and hiding bruises. Through all of this I had my current journal in my purse and old one in my backpack. I would spend hours a day pouring my soul onto paper.

In a twist of luck, we were able to stay with a friend; ahh, no more tent living. Stupidly, I thought that having a roof over our head and hot meals every night would make things better… Nope. “J” began to cheat on me openly and the abuse continued. My journal and I were both falling apart, literally. I had to get out. In a haste, without a full plan, I went to visit a cousin in Las Vegas. “J” replaced me within a week and told me only to come back for my belongings.

A new journal was started to go along with my fresh start in Vegas. My new journal only saw a handful of entries in Vegas before Arizona was on the horizon. Just like a bad rerun, I lost everything again. No family or friends; only a backpack of items is how I arrived in Arizona. I didn’t have to wait long before I was “adopted” into a large family. Around this time my seizers became increasingly painful. I was told by doctors that my condition had worsened over the last few years and that it was going to keep progressing.

Slowly, I began to make a new life for myself. I was able to talk to my children, make a friend or two, and submit some of the poems I had been hiding in my journals. Now, something to know about me, I tend to look for the good in people and believe that they can change. Less than a year into my new life in Arizona “J” reached out to me. He was homeless again and wanted help bettering his situation.

You don’t have to say it, I was stupid. He used me to help him get to Arizona from California. The first few months weren’t so bad, he had cleaned himself up and wasn’t doing drugs anymore but like all good things, it was short lived. We got an apartment and a roommate, then he got a job. Once “J” started his new job he found himself in with the “wrong crowd” and back on drugs. Less than a month later the abuse started again; only this time it was worse. The abuse wasn’t just physical, he abused me verbally and emotionally as well. I kept writing and submitting poems to contests. Reading and writing were the only things that kept the sadness from swallowing me whole.

In January of 2012 I made a life changing decision… I wanted to go back to school for a degree in English. With no support or help I began an online program with University of Phoenix. Not five minutes after finding my rhythm in school I was shook to my core; the diagnosis: Cancer.

All of a sudden, I found myself with two very serious medical conditions. To make matters worse, if I treated one condition too much I chanced making the other condition worse. Shock took over and I spent a few months in a daze. My mind was full of statistics, memories, things left unfinished, and dreams I hadn’t acknowledged yet. I decided on surgery to remove the tumors. I endured abuse from “J” during my recovery (Side note: popping staples two days after major surgery hurts!!).

By 2016 I had earned my Bachelor’s Degree in English. I had also undergone a second surgery. This time the doctor preformed a partial hysterectomy to remove more tumors. My doctor said that the surgery was a success and I should be alright after I heal. Nope! “J” made sure I wasn’t alright. He didn’t even wait twelve hours before I flew down the stairs. I kept writing through the pain and that led me to my second degree.

A Master’s of Business Administration was my next goal. I went back to the University of Phoenix and earned my second degree in less than two years. Surgery number three happened half way through my Master’s program. Thankfully, by this point “J” had moved out and left me alone; I could recover without incident.

Unfortunately, even after three surgeries my cancer returned. It’s stage four with no good outcome in sight. This harsh new reality caused new dreams, leading to new goals. The new list of goals grew fast; at top of the list is publish: a novel series, a collection of short stories, and my poetry collection. Death being such a close realization opened me up to questions about my soul. My solution to all of the questions and theories; write another book. You heard right, I’m currently working on four books at once.

How can you find books fulfilling? Oh, let me tell you…

When it comes to books, I’d say they are fulfilling on many levels. First of all, when you read you’re gaining knowledge, even if you’re reading a fantasy fairy book you learn something. What you learn is about the author; how they communicate the story to you speaks to who they are. Then there are text books. These are the books you turn to when you need information. For example, if you want to learn Russian history, you get a text book on Russian history. Either way, no matter what tickles you, books and the knowledge they contain are fulfilling.

I have found that writing books is fulfilling as well. I find joy in the thought that my writing might make someone smile or give them the piece of information they were missing. Not to mention the sense of accomplishment that comes with each completed piece.

Finally, you can’t read a book without a bookmark. In my spare time when writer’s block creeps in I have taken to making bookmarks. They are easy to make and only take about twenty minutes each from start to finish. How is this fulfilling, you wonder? Once you give a bookmark to a book lover you’ll understand.

Money, Money, Money!!!

As far as money is concerned, it can be difficult to make a living as an author. For example, not everyone can write a book a year and even those that can don’t have best sellers every time. Then there are authors that give up on writing and go into editing or journalism. There’s nothing wrong with this choice and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. At the bottom of the pile there are authors like me…

I have only let the world see a few poems every so often until now. In the last three months I have published over thirty pieces, some of which have been short stories. Speaking of short stories, I had never really tried my pen at them until discovering vocal. I had always wanted too but I was always scared that they would be either too short or too long. Stupid right? It’s hard to make money when you’re too scared to let people read what you write and even more scared to try a new genre.

Dreaming and Wishing

My dreams are filled with my novel series on store shelves, my poetry collection helping people express their emotions, and my “Soul Book” comforting another person with a curious soul. Yes, money makes the world go round and I’d love nothing more than to make a living with my writing but I’m not out to get rich or famous. I just want to be known and my words enjoyed.

Now you know what feeds my soul. If you don’t already know the joy of “all things book” I firmly recommend that you give it try. You never know what might fulfill you until you try. Maybe bookmarks are your jam; perhaps trashy romance novels are what you need; or you may find that idea in the back of your head makes a great children’s book.

If there is anyone out there that can offer advice, ideas, strategies for getting published, or anything else that could possibly help my dream come true you’d be a hero. I wish for someone to take a chance on me…