Breaking Up with Him

by Olivia Anne Page 2 months ago in breakups

Part 2 of "For His Wife"

Breaking Up with Him

He went ghost!! Four months have passed, no calls, no text, no reply. This behavior is classless! Not like him at all.

I didn’t even get the change to confront him. Couldn’t slam the door of my apartment on his way out! I didn’t even get the satisfaction of hanging up on him and throwing this damn phone out the window!! I want to see his face when I throw all of his shit out the balcony!

This rage! I need to yell at him, curse at him! It’s all useless!

I shattered the flower vases, screamed into the pillows over and over again.

All I had was his voice from his voicemail recording.

All I have now is missing him, crying on this bathroom floor.

How could I be so stupid? I am here again, crying over a man. Why? Why me? I’m better than this, I deserve better!

I lectured myself over and over.

Me: Don’t give all at once.

Inner me: Love, but don’t fall in love.

Inner-inner me: If you fall, this one is gonna leave a mark.

I can't be crying over this. He is not mine, he never was, this was not a real relationship anyway.

Replay a sad song setlist; "Cry," "Too Much," ”He Belongs to Me,” "I Never Told You."

He is married, I know this now, there’s no other explanation to this.

I'm meant no harm! Not like this! Nothing hurts like missing him!!

I should not be thinking like this. I shouldn’t be missing him like we were ok, and doing the right thing, or like he was incredible.

He is not unobtainable! None of them are, I need to be getting on with my life!

I envisioned him back to being whole and smiling.

Projecting "perfection" and presenting an "ideal" social presence are very important to him.

You must be his "Stepford" wife. He is very firm and requires someone to uphold his values and upkeep his image.

Assuming by now you have begun reinventing your relationship. Living your best life, nurturing all that you've co-founded. Undoubtedly, being a power couple, the kind that goes on amazing vacations and looks great in every photo. The kind that glances at each other when a movie reminds them of a special moment in time. The kind that dances in the kitchen and sneaks kisses in between song lyrics while cooking together. The kind of couple that power points their goals and graph their expenses, budgets for the completion of the next life step, and discuss future plans during dinner. I don't wish for anything else except him being with his perfect wife.

Ok, no one does that!!

If not that, then I wish for him to come back! Where is he?

I wish for nothing less than your happiness, but not without saying goodbye!

Why has he not reached out? He would not have just abandon me like this.

He never made me feel "not good enough."

He was careful with how his words or hands would touch me.

The smell of him in my pillows is now the smell of him gone.

Ok, he was not that charming, I mean, he had his nervous ticks, some made me smile.

Awe!! That smile that you must never be tired of!!

Does he reach for you and pulls you close around 5:50 in the morning before his alarm goes off?

How tall are you?

Does he stare at you trying to reach for something because your "hop" makes him laugh?

Oooh, that laugh! Debilitating, makes me feel fragile and small.

Does he ask you to go get him something from another room just to see you walk in his shirt?

Ha! Is his shirt really big on you too?

Oh no! Suddenly, I am okay with him being married. He is 47!!

He knew what he was doing, he knows his game, he knows what he wants.

I want that squint in his eyes when he’s up to no good, it brings out a loud yes in my mind to whatever he is thinking.

When that man reaches for your hand for a dance, you dance! If he pulls you in closer for a kiss, you allow it. It’s just his magic.

If he could just pull me close to him with those strong arms and say he is sorry, I say yes, I just want to say yes!

Ok, okay, listen, he is not that great, I am just stupid!

Oh my gosh, how could I even think it’s ok?

I'm sorry, it's just... nothing. Just nothing. All I have is nothing.

Dear Lord; I miss him!

New playlist; "Sleep to Dream," "Bitch," "I'm Coming Out," "Thank You, Next." Dear Pandora and Google music, please, help me!

How does it work?
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Olivia Anne Page

I am a listener, I try everything at least twice. Wondering spirit, wandering mind. I love to travel to small towns & write stories. I'm will be known as a writer when I grow up. I appreciate your support by sharing & for your tips.

See all posts by Olivia Anne Page