Breaking the Ice Without Playing Nice

Here's a scenario that I've found myself in while browsing through men's dating profiles online. I find a guy who seems interesting (and not like prime stalker-boyfriend material) and who might be my 'type', but I have no clue what to say to him in that initial message. I've passed on sending messages just because I couldn't come up with good icebreakers, not because the guys' profiles were lacking substance.

And, let's be honest, the standard icebreakers that these apps offer are kind of lame. They don't allow you to personalize your greeting. And all the extra frills you have to pay for, like getting your message set at the top of someone's inbox? I'll skip that, and I bet you might just do the same.

So, what are you supposed to say in your first message? "Hi, I'm not a serial killer"? (Rhetorical question, but a great way to start a horror novel!)

Some relationship articles and blogs will tell you to start off with any number of variants of "Hi, how are you?" I'm going to tell you not to do that.

Why?

Because that, for many daters, is a 'skip-able' message. It's that message you read but don't reply to. Yeah, most of us have done it. I admit it, guilty as charged.

You want to craft an icebreaker message that he or she (or whatever pronoun they go by) will eagerly respond to. Something that caters to their interests but doesn't sound phony or desperate.

If you find yourself stuck on what to write, here are a few examples - divided into categories - of engaging icebreakers you can use. (And don't be afraid to personalize them! Tweak as needed.)

Questions Based on Their Photo(s)

1. That's a rad (insert band name) T-shirt. What's your favorite song of theirs? Mine is (fill in the blank).
2. Where were you when you took that picture? The scenery is beautiful!
3. Neat tattoo(s)! Where did you get it/them done?
4. Seems like you have a lot of pictures with your family member. Do you consider yourself to be a family-oriented person?
5. Your (insert type of pet) is ridiculously adorable? What's their name?

'Nerdy' Questions

1. Star Wars or Star Trek? (Or neither?)
2. Are you a DC or Marvel fan?
3. Who would you rather have voice your life story: Morgan Freeman or Samuel L. Jackson?
4. If you were stuck on a deserted island with just one book, which would it be?
5. Current Netflix/Hulu addiction?

Deep Stuff

1. If you could live the rest of your life anywhere in the world, where would it be?
2. What is your greatest fear/phobia?
3. How passionate are you about politics?
4. What is your favorite memory of a family tradition you have?
5. What is the best advice someone has ever given you?

Cute but Creative

1. It looks like your keyboard is busted. It is missing two letters: M E.
2. Aside from looking downright sexy, what are your other hobbies?
3. Hey, we're a match! Better get that 'success story' ready for the website!
4. Are you a Nintendo gamer? 'Cause Wii would look great together!
5. On a scale of one to Titanic, how effective is my icebreaker?

Well, there ya have it, folks. Remember, keep it short but sweet. Read their profile thoroughly to get a good feel for how they might wish to converse. But don't forget the #1 rule of dating - be yourself! (Duh.)

If you've tried any of these icebreakers, how did they work? What is your favorite icebreaker someone has sent you? Let me know in the comments! I love hearing your dating stories.