Boys tend to think in the following ways when faced with a girl who likes them

Guys tend to think in terms of the following when dealing with a girl who likes them.

What are my needs in the relationship?

Should I continue to take the initiative after the ambiguity?

Perceptions of appearance

Perceptions of sex

What is my emotional expression and perception

1、What are men's needs in a relationship?

Maslow's hierarchy of needs model divides human needs into 5 levels from high to low.

Self-actualization needs (such as the realization of potential, to achieve the ideal)

Respect needs (to be respected and affirmed, including self-respect such as independence, freedom, self-confidence, achievement, etc., and social respect such as reputation, status, social recognition)

Love and belonging needs (love, friendship, sexual intimacy, sense of belonging, etc.)

Security needs (the need for protection, order, stability)

Physiological needs (need for food, warmth, sex)

When the lower level needs are relatively satisfied, people's attention is focused on the higher level needs, and the higher level needs become dominant and become the main driving force of behavior.

Different people have different needs at different times, but they all have a dominant need that determines the direction of their actions. A person whose bottom level needs are basically satisfied is more likely to seek progress at the upper level.

Let's look at the lowest level of physical needs, basic sex is at this level.

By basic sex, I mean mating and reproduction. The concern is to satisfy basic desires and solve the problem of whether there is one, not whether it is good. So the bottom of the marriage, many couples of sex is to solve the problem of "sexual desire to come to fap," and often even foreplay is not, as well as reproduction problems. As for the interest ah, each other's feelings and so on, basically not in the scope of this.

It has been said that "sex is like eating, don't think about hungry people to talk to you about the ideal".

For people who are driven by physical needs, sex is very much a part of their relationship. For higher-ranking men, the simple need for sex is usually not a big issue. Although they also need to be satisfied, they do not lack options and opportunities.

In addition to sex, the need for security is also a central consideration among junior men.

The core of the theory of mate selection is "high mating value, low cheating possibility".

The first is aimed at satisfying men's physical needs (such as face and figure, etc.), and the second is aimed at satisfying men's security needs (such as being obedient, actively breaking off interactions with other men, avoiding having more options with strong abilities, and reducing their attractiveness).

In fact, these two, it is also clear that this kind of thinking, to be able to attract, often low-ranking male groups.

Of course this lower class is not necessarily a complete lack of money. For example, some people may have a good economy, but their personal level of need in gender relations, or quite elementary.

I have a student said she has a suitor, highly educated, annual income of a million, very good to people, simply most people's idea of a model husband.

But after communication, she found that the guy's view of marriage is "women at home with children, men to support the family.

The criteria for choosing a spouse is "beautiful and simple", and the knowledge of sex is basically to complete the task of reproduction. She knew by feeling that this person was boring in bed and uninteresting in real communication.

Finally the guy got married, the other half is beautiful, looks very simple, but very selfish, the guy as a financial source, and very controlling, hindering the guy to communicate and interact with customers and friends.

This guy, in my opinion, is actually still not satisfied at the low level of needs in the gender relationship. When choosing a marriage partner, he was dominated by physical needs and security needs and made low-quality decisions.

People who focus on the intermediate stage are more concerned about "love and belonging and respect".

At this stage, the influence of intimacy is actually very strong. For example, 'friendship, love, sexual intimacy, and belonging'.

It may be that a quality gender relationship will include all of these things. Likewise, it will also make the person in it feel respected and have greater confidence.

We say that a quality relationship should be equal, with a deep understanding of each other, smooth communication, easy and pleasant care, and mutual love. People in the middle class are more likely to agree with such a concept.

Further up the "self-actualization needs," the core focus on the level of potential, the realization of dreams, we usually think that is in the high level of needs. For example, Elon Musk's quest to migrate to Mars and make humans a multi-planet species.

In Maslow's book, he distinguishes between needs that are deficient and those that are growth-oriented.

1-4 (physiological to respect) are deficit, lacking needs that originate from an actual or perceived lack of environment or self.

The individual will strive to seek from the environment what will enable the satisfaction of his or her needs, whether material, interpersonal, or social status. The satisfaction of these needs depends heavily on the outside world.

The fifth type of self-actualization, on the other hand, is growth-oriented. Growth is the process that leads to self-actualization. Growth motivation is the motivation motivated by the tendency of self-actualization.

In my observation, the people who are most driven to do things are often at both ends of Maslow's needs matrix.

If your basic physiological needs are not met, such as diving head first into the water for lack of air, you will obviously struggle with all your might. And if you are pursuing your true dream, you will also be fully committed.

When you look at the people who do outstanding work in each industry and continue to go beyond themselves, often a large piece of their drive comes from the "need for self-actualization.

After all, without this inner drive, a person who has achieved a certain level, such as earning money to meet expectations, will stop, and it will be difficult to achieve excellence consistently.

Phidias, an ancient Greek, was a great sculptor.

He was commissioned to sculpt a statue of a god for Athens, and 2400 years later, this work, still stands on top of the Parthenon in the city of Athens.

When the work was completed, he asked the accountant of the city of Athens for money for his work and was told, "Your statue is on the highest part of the temple, and the temple is on the highest hill in Athens, so the citizens of Athens can only see the front of the statue, and what is the point of carving the back so perfectly? So we can only pay you half of the cost of the work. For who can see the back of the statue?"

Phidias said, "God will see the back of the idol. (Here God means the deity, not God in the Christian sense)

People who are driven in "self-actualization" often have a common quality, which is "the pursuit of excellence. They will not be satisfied with "being okay" because in itself they are chasing their own ideals and growing to their potential.

For people at this level, there is nothing they need more than help and relationships that can push them to "fulfill their potential and realize their dreams".

Girls often ask how to attract career-minded, good guys. I don't know how to define excellence here.

But overall, if you want to attract the kind of people who excel, I think the most unique competitive edge is nothing more than your ability to push them to grow and help them realize their potential and achieve their dreams.

2, the boy ambiguous why not continue to take the initiative

The change in attitude of boys towards themselves is a problem that women often struggle with.

For example, in a case discussion my participant asked, "That guy, in language has shown strong male flirtation, ambiguous physical contact also did, but why no longer take the initiative to invite her out on a date or something?

There are many factors to explore, but overall, I think we should keep the mindset of recognizing that this is normal. Just like the tide has its ebb and flow, a person's interest, enthusiasm and love for you is also normal.

Girls may want to think about how you choose your clothes.

You will often go to the store and look at many, many of them, of which only a few may look more, and then some of them may touch the fabric and imagine what they look like in.

Then select some to try on, and then a few will buy, a few will think about the wait and see. Even if you buy them, some of them may only be for a one-time or a few times, and some may be for long-term wear.

There is a big shade of gray in between "interest" and "purchase"; and "short-term wear" and "long-term use" are different again.

Boys are interested, but just like shopping in a store.